So what stage are you in, how long has it been and how long was the relationship?

[iwillbefine]

break up...9 month relationship. I haven't contacted him since the day he left. I did have one brief text conversation regarding some things he left at my house, he wanted to meet to exchange things and I told him I wasn't ready. That is all the contact I have had with him. His mother reached out to me and we had some email conversations for a week, but then I told her not to contact me anymore because it was still too painfull. I am doing really well. I know that he has met someone else but I am honestly not worried about it. There is no way he can have with her what we had. I am letting go of that relationship. It is over. I am moving on with my life in hopes that we will have a new relationship in the future be it friendship or more. I plan to stay in NC for at least another month even if he trys to contact me. I am only 1/2 the person I was when I met him, and I hope to be 100% before I talk to him again.

[random_stranger]

I am at the stage where I know that things could never be the same between us and that we are better off apart.

 

It's been 1 year and 9 months since the end of a 5 year relationship.

 

I still think and dream about him, but at least I can do it now without bursting into tears.

[circi]

Was with him a year and a half, lived together the last year of it and it's now been 7 weeks.

 

Haven't cried in well over a week and am entering the anger stage finally.

 

Still think about him almost constantly though.

[cabman]

Update on where I am,

 

It's been 6 months to the day today. I have come a long way. Here is what I have accomplished:

 

I started exercising from day one. I am down around 30 pounds and dropped a pants size. I ride the bike, walk, workout on my bowflex and run on the treadmill.

 

I started a new job 3 months ago. Not my choice. Yeah I know...I turned 50, lost the love of my life and lost my job. I was fortunate, I got a better paying job within 2 days of losing the old one.

 

I started going to church. I go every Sunday now. I enjoy it and I always leave there feeling good. I look forward to going every week.

 

I went to therapy to get an objective opinion on that I was feeling. That has helped alot. I still go every few weeks and I will scale it back soon to perhaps every couple of months.

 

I re-established contact with my sister. I have not seen her in 6 years. We are going to meet for lunch soon and that will be a door to seeing my brother. We were separated at a very young age and really don't know each other. My goal is to get closer to whats left of my family.

 

I can say without a doubt that I have grieved every en-grieved loss during this. The death of both parents, 2 failed marriages and the lose of my relationship to my ex whom I love dearly and on some level always will.

 

My daughter and I have become much closer since this happened. She lives more than 1500 miles away but I feel closer to her than I have in years. We never used to say we love each other (sad I know). Now we never end a conversation without it. She carried me through some really tough times.

 

I have started meeting people again. I am doing the online thing. I meet people for coffee and if I don't feel the spark or feel that this person is not for me then I just send them a nice email and move on. Point is I am meeting people again. I am learning that people like me and think I am interesting and easy to talk to. Thats nice to hear.

 

I still get sad, I still have the occasional tear and I still miss my ex. I know I still have more recovery to go, but I have more good days than bad. My days are filled with less thoughts of the ex and more about the future and the present.

 

I am at the stage where I know I can have a realtionship once again, it's just a matter of meeting the right person. I know I will love again I am willing to bet that within the next 6 months I will be with someone once again

 

Oops!...how did this get so long?

 

Take care

 

Jim

[tao_of_me]

6 months and two weeks out of a 6 year relationship (living together the last 3).

 

It's still tough, but it will pass. seeing someone new, and right on cue the ex broke NC the week before last, crying, professing to miss and love me...everything but coming out and saying let's try again (still not sure if i want that).

[just M.E.]

cabman,

 

Thanks for bringing this back up again. I reread some of the posts, and thanks to a lovely lady who triggered my memory and brought me back to read.

 

It's been another two months since I posted here before (#21), and I wonder, does healing happen exponentially? It seems, once a certain level or point in healing is reached, the progress moves at an ever increasing rate. I miss the dreams as I wrote before, but I also see more clearly from this distance, that they never could be. One person alone cannot carry the dreams for two, dreams need both as partners in life.

 

I have no clue if I will ever find another life partner, I am less than real young ;-), but I sure am enjoying the looking!!!

 

Maybe because life was so clouded and painful it seems by contrast to be bright and full of promise. The best part of that promise, is that life need not be more than how good I feel in this moment. Somewhere, something happened and I let go. Let go of the pain, let go of the hurt and frustration, let go of the fear. When I let all that go, I had room to carry more. More joy, more smiles, more unabashed love of life. I am learning to embrace this fallible woman and forgive myself my failings.

 

Dwelling on the past, is an addition to a bitter tonic. Not one I care to taste again.

 

As I was writing this, I wandered into a sentiment and thought "Someday, he'll stop for a moment and tell himself "damn, I miss that woman", but then I thought a little more and realized, "Nah", he'll never miss anything. And I am the lucky one, because I can love, and miss things in life, cry tears of sadness and tears of joy, because for every tear of pain there is a greater tear of joy. Life is all hollow and shallow if you can't feel all emotions, the extremes of both sides, but the one best left behind is fear, a nagging little emotion that promotes survival but can limit living.

[vasilias]

3 months yesterday. Lost alot of weight that I had been struggling to loose... now in better shape than i was when i met my ex. Been catching up with friends I hadnt seen for a long time.

 

Emotionally... well ive found the heart to begin casually 'dating' - not really wanting a relationship as such but am open to meet new people. I had generally been starting to feel i was getting better and less of an emotional disaster... but last few days been really tough. Its been well over a month of NC but as each day passes the pain of abandonment seems to get worse. Still want the ex back but part of me is beginning to realise i only want that beacuse with them the laast three years would mean something, just a chapter in a big book - but without them they are just memories of someone who has made me feel those years meant nothing to them. Still cant believe it happened at all... wish i could wake up from this bad dream.

[Stambler]

2 years in Feb. Of course we did the living in the same house for a year whilst she "decided", but the relationship - physically and emotionally, was over as of Feb 2006.

 

My state? Happy with my life, lost a ton of weight, working out again, re-discovered old hobbies, rekindled old friendships, and spending lots of quality time with my son.

 

We were together for 7 years, married 5, one child.

 

I am dating now. It's fun! Nice to know you are desirable!

 

We get along very well for the sake of our child. I can now look at her and feel no physical OR emotional attraction, yet I care about her and we are pleasant to one another. That's how you know you've moved on

[surfjon]

6 months, nearly to the day, that my wife of 20 years loaded my kids in the car and drove away leaving me standing in our driveway. My kids looking out the back window while I tried to smile and wave goodbye to my life as I knew it. I kept it together long enough to get in the house and then totally fall apart for about 2 months.

 

Yeah, I did all the exercise bit, stayed away from the empty house as much as I could, met some new friends.

 

20 plus years together was a long, long time. I'm having a real tough time of it.

The only thing that's kept me afloat is playing music out around town and seeing my kids every other weekend.

 

Hmmm, where am I now??

I really don't know, I go day-by-day, moment-by-moment really. Some moments are better than others but some are incredibly bad and I have to force myself out and away from those moments.

 

She went ahead and filed, without even trying to save us, so what can I do but go along. I just want this all over, I can't even let myself care anymore.

 

Like I've read so many times since I staggered in here to ena......

 

When someone walks away, let them walk.

 

Would like to meet someone someday, but almost hope that I don't. It just winds up hurting anyway, why bother.

[PixelPusher]

It's been about 2 years and 3 months since I found out about her cheating, and just over two years since I moved out. Just UNDER two years for the divorce finality. I've moved well beyond the pain. The most that it affects me now are short, sharp little memories here and there that cause a momentary twinge of emotion, but nothing that affects my life negatively anymore. I suspect I will always have the bad memories as scars... they're healed but they will always be there.

 

I heard my X is back with her 2nd post-me boyfriend and I'm truly happy for them. I only wish her the best. We've been mostly NC since the breakup, with an occasional email or phone call relating to business, etc. Very little personal information is exchanged, and I'm okay with that.

 

I've been in a serious, and healthy loving relationship with an amazing woman now for the last year. I firmly believe that we all must find happiness within before we meet someone... she certainly brings another level of happiness to my life.

[Stambler]

I've been in a serious, and healthy loving relationship with an amazing woman now for the last year. I firmly believe that we all must find happiness within before we meet someone... she certainly brings another level of happiness to my life.

 

How wonderful Pix. I've been "out there" for about 6 months and have dated so many women, but haven't found that yet. Perhaps I'm not quite ready and don't know it, or the right one hasn't come along just yet...

 

But I am so, so happy for you

[PixelPusher]

How wonderful Pix. I've been "out there" for about 6 months and have dated so many women, but haven't found that yet. Perhaps I'm not quite ready and don't know it, or the right one hasn't come along just yet...

 

But I am so, so happy for you

 

Thanks! I should add: 11 year relationship, 8 of them married. No kids.

[Sickboy48]

Almost 3 months, she wanted out and was talking to a guy behind my back. Was a messy split and I haven't looked back. No clue what she is up to. All I know is her ex best friend told me they don;t talk and she doesn;t hang out with her old friends she alienated a while ago. Just waiting for her rebound relationship to blow up in her face.

[mushmouth]

I am 11 months in. I knew it was over after the third week when she finally disclosed there was another guy.

 

What stage am I in? Well, I would like to think I've healed. To a large extent, I have. Yet, I'm still NC and I still think about her which is why I am here today. Of course, the key is to remember the facts of the relationship and to remember exactly who she was as opposed to who I thought she could be.

[tigertabbycat]

I am still in a state of shock, confused, and very depressed. I am not eating or sleeping well. I am 4 days out of a 1.5 year relationship.

[Darin]

I'm one day out after a mutual break up after 2.5 years. it's going to suck but life goes on.