Broke up but want her back

[Marshall1]

I met a very pretty girl at a party two years ago and we seemed perfect for each other. We have so much in common - our state of origin, good families, easy rapor and senses of humor... I'd had a thriving single life which I dropped knowing I'd be dating her, and we were together for about 14 mos. My friends & family thought she was great! Despite the fact that we both felt like "home" to one another, I steadily began pulling back from the relationship as she became closer. She said "I Love you" and I had trouble saying it back. I began thinking of other women and even avoiding sex sometimes - focusing on her minor physical flaws - yet I still felt as though she was the one I'd end up with.

 

Finally, I decided to step away and we stopped seeing each other for 6 mos. We communicated by email, talked by phone every week or so, and I started seeing a therapist to figure out what my problem was. Still, after 6 mos. I didn't miss her much (she was still there and plainly in love with me - a safety blanket) and began to think I might not go back to her.

 

Then she got over me, and started dating someone else. I'm completely devastated! I freaked out and proposed to her, but she thought about it and decided not to accept (doesn't love me "that way" anymore).

 

I'm so full of anxiety about my future: I'm 42 (she's 28), though I look about 34 & am attractive, I have a good job, a good family... I'm a good catch! But losing her made me face the bleak realities of the LA dating scene and insecurities about my age and ability to find someone like her and I feel as though I made the biggest mistake of my life in such a casual way! How could I have acted so impulsively?

 

Has anyone had a similar experience? I get no sleep, I'm anxious all the time, I'm barely functioning because I feel that I lost the one girl I should be with. And for what?????