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I really need help. im goin backwards


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ok well i know unless you have time to read most people reading this wont want to read it if its really long, so il make it as short as possible, if you need more details you will have to ask me. (im 17 by the way)

went out with a lad for 4months, we fell in love, it was the longest relationship id ever been in, we went and did everything together, it was a mutual feeling. i lost my virginity to him aswell

We both went thru a dodgy patch, he missed his ex for sum reason, and i liked sumone else. so we split

i chose the other lad over him and we totaly split, i decided i obviously didnt love him after all, and he didnt love me if he missed his ex.

Since then me and this lad that i chose over my bf, have been goin out on and off, and now were just sex mates, because neither of us wanted to be tied down. were happy as we are. and i blocked out all emotions about my ex thinking i had forgot him and moved on. but now im totaly single and i need someone to love, im so emotional all the time, i want to be loved, but the sexual relaitonship im in isnt giving me the emotional suport etc that i need and want, but on the other hand i cant stop because something else is telling me not to, im so confused, and now......... now im missing my ex! but by what i have heard hes already moved on...... though when we were splitting up he swore to me he would never move on for agea because he only wanted me, now i wish i had believed him and stuck by him,

but do i jus want to be loved so much that il have anyone? what am i doing? i dont know! i cant control anything, i need to settle, ive met a few lads at work etc, but theres no1 i feel id be as comfy with, i cant move on, but i cant stay here because im jus not getting anywhere, please help me........ im so sad all the time

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Hi electric_blue,

 

It sounds to me a bit like you are so desperate to have a relationship that you would indeed settle for almost anything that comes close to one !

 

Something interesting you said was : "now were just sex mates, because neither of us wanted to be tied down." I believe that you do want to be tied down ! Is this guy using you because he knows that you would settle for this rather than nothing or potentially nothing?

 

Do you really want to get back with your ex, or do you want to be in a relationship with someone and be loved? Is it the "being in a relationship" that you are really missing from your ex?

 

I suspect that you simply want to be loved, and you really need to take a step back if that is the case! Recently, I have decided that over the next 4 years which I'm going to spend in college, that I really am not going to try and get a girlfriend. It's interesting, because I really would love to have a great relationship with a girl, but I'm not willing to settle for something less than I really want. I realised that a few months ago. I'll quote you a few lines from a song that I wrote at the time !

 

"You want it so bad, just a bit makes you glad,

You settle for less than you know you really could have.

It won't be long, till another song,

Gets written for another one that makes you sad"

 

It wasn't the first time I had been in the same situation - getting involved with someone that I wasn't really suited to - simply because of an initial attraction. What I learnt is that to get into a relationship with anyone was my goal, and that was my problem too ! I wasn't thinking properly about what I want from a girl, and that was my mig problem.

 

So, is this you? If so, you really need to look at what you want right now. Is it a relationship you are after, and is it a relationship with your ex, or do you simply not want to feel so lonely? Are you looking for a relationship for the right or wrong reasons?

 

Let me know, then I can continue !

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that was a great answer! you are so right! thank you so much! you are right, you have made me think, i often have these moments where i miss my ex as i might have sed, and after a while i do manage to sort my head out and decide im being stupid and thats not what i really want, but sometimes i just need someone else to point that out to me! and you have so thank you, no doubt il be bk moaning again later! but i am lonely, and i do want someone to love and be loved by. but im not prepared to settle for just anyone, because i want someone special that a relationship will last with. im sure il find someone soon, and in the mean time il be patient and enjoy being free and single! thank you agen xx

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Hi !

 

Glad I could help you there !

Many of us get like this from time to time. Just don't let yourself settle into a relationship that you really wouldn't go into if you were thinking with your head and not your lonley heart !

 

Also, don't forget that it is indeed OK to be single - and you can get a lot of time to yourself right now. Personal Development is your friend - and realising things like this about yourself is what that is all about. Don't be afraid to be single for a while, no matter how daunting that may seem.

 

Glad to help you think

 

~

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