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Nervous about what could happen with my GF, just venting...


wolfy1818
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Just want to vent a bit, hope no one minds. If anyone wants to respond, feel free I'd love to hear what you have to say.

 

Well I told my girlfriend to tell me by wends at around 2 or so if she wants to apologize for her rudeness or talk about things if she thinks she doesn't want to apologize. I told her that if I didn't hear from her by then I would assume what I assume and that will be the end of it.

 

See she has a tendency to be a negative person and on occasion say things in what sounds like a rude manner. I have put up with it a long time but I eventually started to admit to myself she made me feel bad very often by what she would say to me and how she would knock me down. I said to myself enough was enough and this last time she said something rude about when we went and played tennis together last. Some quotes she said in that conversation:

 

"Once in awhile I would like to play with someone who could keep a rally going."

 

"I know the game was 6 to 7 but I game you a bunch of points"

 

"I am just saying I would like to play with someone who can actually hit the ball"

 

"You stepped over the line almost everytime and you can't control where it goes"

 

etc.

 

What made it really rude besides WHAT she said was HOW she said it. It wasn't in a nice sweet way AT ALL. So I am demanding an apology by wends for either a.) saying what she said or b.) for having said it in a way that I took it the wrong way. I don't think it's bad to ask for an apology about one or the other. She's just never apologized about anything before, she's one of those girls who is rude and is always right. The phrase "well it's true!!!" comes up way to often in her speach.

 

Just a little nervous about wends is all, not sure what I want to happen. I just wish I could get a normal, run-of-the-mill sweet girl who would appreciate a guy who is sweet to them instead of saying things like "enough of the mushy mushy" when I do something nice for her. Just a normal girl, nothing extrodinary, just caring, sweet, and someone who is not an emotional rollercoaster. So just had to vent all that cause I am nervous about what may/may not happen by wends 2pm.

 

More quotes from her:

 

"I don't know why you stay with a girl who you know doesn't appreciate the things you do for her." [indicating herself]

 

"It's not that I don't care at all, it's just, I think you care more, like there are things that you would do for me that I wouldn't do for you."

 

"I think it's totally ok to sleep in the same bed and spoon with a guy who is a friend, just a friend, while in a serious commited relationship with someone else... as long as nothing sexual happeneds."

 

-John

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Thank you for the reply. I appreciate it honestly. Yeah it's a pretty serious relationship. We've been together for 7 months and things moved fast from the get-go anyway. I really agree with your "serious conversation" ideas. In person is best. I am not the type of guy to get angry and yell. I just usually calmly talk about things and try to see her point of view and work past our issues. I am usually calming her down and trying to get her to talk, not yell at me. She has a tendency to blow up when we have these serious conversations.

 

I don't know why I feel happy. Honestly I don't feel happy. But I think the reason I am still with her is this: she is a really unique girl with unique interests and she has never been drunk, not the typical party girl, and never has smoked anything etc. She is ok working on her car if she knows how to do what needs to be done. She is ok learning how to do something new on her car etc. She is just so unique that I feel not only like I wont get another girl ever that I can fall completely in love with but I feel like this is a totally unique girl and it would suck to loose her.

 

I am starting to care less and less about the uniqueness now though, just want someone who is totally sweet and caring twords me. Someone who is emotionally stable. So manly it's the fear of not finding someone I can melt into and feeling like if I do find someone it will just be ackward and I wont be able to melt into them and feel 100% comfortable around them like I have done with her. That's my main fear I think

 

-John

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Hey John. Thanks for venting here. I just wanted to say I feel for you and your situation. I also went out for awhile with someone who was very unique, so I totally understand where you're coming from.

 

I don't know why your gf would think it's okay to be rude to you; maybe she came from a family that was really critical? But regardless, I think you're right to stand up to that kind of behavior. It's just disrespectful and has no place in a relationship. I'm not saying that she's bad, but dissing you has GOT to stop.

 

You seem like a nice person, and unfortunately we nice people can spend our lives making up excuses for other people. I hope your gf comes around. If she doesn't, though, I want to encourage you to believe that there are lots of sweet women out there who know the value of a good man. Best of luck, and when you're stressing, don't forget to take some deep breaths. Works wonders.

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Thanks for the reply. Yeah I know how it is to make excuses for her. It's hard sometimes when a friend can see I am really depressed and my mind is else-where. Especially when that friend asks about how me and my girlfriend are doing. It's all to easy to say she's stressed or tired or whatever. But honestly being rude and takin' stuff out on me isn't ok no matter how she's feeling.

 

She comes from a family that is well off and not only do I think she is proud of it but she it cocky about it. Ya know she thinks her family worked so hard for what they have and somehow that means she worked hard or something so not only does she know more about everything but everything her and her family does is right and any other way is wrong and deserves ridicule. I.E. someone being sweet is not typical in her family so I think when I do it, she likes to poke fun at him and riducle me for it cause it must be "wrong" since her family doesn't do it.

 

That what she acts like anyway. So there are really "lots" of sweet women out there huh? And these women, are they emotionally stable also? Not a constant rollercoaster of moods?

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hey wolfy,

 

well there are good and bad of everything, including women i just think you need to look in the right places..and i hope you dont take this the wrong way but i dont see how not drinking and partying makes you unique? Well the reason i say this is because i have never partied, never drink/smoke etc and i dont intend o doing so.. but i dont feel particularily unique My point is there are many women that are not into that kind of thing, yet they are able to respect those around them. Like the others have said, i agree that it's great that you've stood up to her, and you never know she might get the point and if you feel strongly enough about her things might work out for you guys. At least she'll know what your standards and limitations are and hopefully change for the better.

 

All the best

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Alright guys I found out about 2 minutes ago that we are breaking up. Oh my god I seriously can't go through this one again guys. Honestly, my last breakup (with my highschool sweetheart) was so bad and I can't go through all this again seriously. I don't care how badly she treats me I can't do this it's way to hard! I am a wreck write now struggling to see the computer screen through the tears. Looking for help getting over something like this and making it not hurt so badly. It JUST happened so please excuse the emotions, it's a fresh break and I feel like my heart is in so much incredible pain. I don't know what I am going to do. OH SH*TTTTT!!!!

 

-John

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And so the drama begins anew... She sounds exactly like my last GF. Someone who is negative, picks fights and very emotional. This roller coaster of break-ups and makeup's has just begun... I'm telling you right now GET OFF THIS TRAIN. It will only drag you down. It will end in your break-ups. (Well I can say that with %100 certainty) You aren't happy with this relationship. Be happy that she had the strength to see the faults and walk away. Now it's time for you to focus on yourself and your wants.

 

Read over your posts… what do they tell you?

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John - thank you for letting us know. I'm sorry you're hurting right now.

 

Please believe you WILL get through this. You will!! All of us have gotten through it, some people after a LIFETIME with their husband or wife. You did the RIGHT thing in confronting her. Although you don't want to think this way now, at some point you will realize the good thing -- you've freed yourself up to meet a wonderful woman who will not take you for granted, will not criticize you, and will be *so* happy that you love her.

 

Treat yourself well in this time. Go for a run. Drive over to the coast and stare out at the wonder of nature. Do some guy things. Read a book on grief. You are not happy now, but others here have gone through breaksup too, so you're not alone.

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