Help me please.....I dont think I am able to trust........

[Lorelai]

I am at the end of my rope........I feel so hopeless........I feel as though I am going crazy........I want to trust but I fight it every time....I have been screwed over alot I have screwed over once and ended up hurting me the most......I neeed some advice.......please will someone help me?....ok as requested....here it is screwed up as it is.........thank you to all that can help

 

Hiya.......First of all I had a pretty screwed up childhood........the only person in my younger life that I could trust was my grandmother and she passed away when I was 6 years old.......I met someone at 15 fell in love dated utill I was 17 and married him...... find out that he is not just a social drinker......but he works everyday and is not abusive so it appears to be ok to me.......three years had our first child.......bob is not a child person so he is not to happy with this but accepts it........have a son in 91 and another daughter in 93 whom he suggested that I abort.....but that would never be an option for me.....and I was on the pill when I became pregnant with her.........all our life we lived next door to his parents.......whom always looked down on me.....his mom would come over every day and as she went to leave kiss everyone including our dog and excluding me.......I begged Bob to lets move and he would not hear of it.........we never go out no babysitter.......so he tells me to call a friend and go out......so I do mark and I go out he comes and picks me up Bob knows .......and we have a blast.....well this continues for months.....Bob is happy.......well Bob has a new beautiful secretary at work that he is spending time with at lunch after work and so forth.....no biggie at first.....and then i ask him to try and make some time for us but he cant work has him so busy.......well we start getting call late at night from his secretary she is having problems and needs him to talk to.....he informs me that myself .....nikki(secretary), him and mark(the friend that he called first for me to have someone to do something with)...that the four of us are all going out to dinner together.....well at dinner nikki feeds Bob off of her fork several times.....I end up in the bathroom crying my eyes out because I see what is going on........well we leave he takes nikki home and mark and i go to a movie.......well i start crying again nad we stop by marks house so that i can wash my face and we drink a glass of wine which I hardly ever do and we talk about the situation......mark also concludes that bob is havinfg an affair....i am hysterical.....well needless to say in about 6 weeks after i can not take anymore of bob telling me how sweet nikki is and how precious her daughter is.....mark tells me that he has fallen in love with me.....bob has to be out of town on a business trip for four nights and he asks mark to stay with me and the kids so that he would feel safer..........well we really bond.......he is awesome......he is great to me wonderful with the children as usual.......and i think that i could be falling in love with him........well after bob gets back he and nikki have to work late on a saturday night......so when he gets home mark picks me up and we go up to his house to work on his papers......he tells me that he wants me and the kids to be a family and for me to be happy.....i love him.......we make love to each other for the first time.....needless to say bob and i separate.....but i cant put my kids through this .....they love their daddy and he swears that he loves me and things will change.........i tell him everything about mark and he swears that he and nikki are just friends....but that he has been with someone else.......so we decide to put all of this behind us.....I cut off all ties with mark because i have to......although i miss him desperatley.......but i have to for this tio have a chance.....well it works sos so for about three years........and between his drinking......screaming at the kids.....not wanting to move......never wanting to help fix up the house because it needs painting so badly my oldest daughter is ashamed to have friends over......we separate again and me and the kids move to a nice home.......he promises me in taht if i wil sign the divorce papers that say that I get 900.00 a month child support and not make him report all of his income that we will never want for anything......so i agree....i believe him .......walk away from a 17 year marriage with my three kids.....900.00 amonth and my surburban.....no credit .......and three jobs......well needless to say he does good for about two years and pays for school clothes and movie night every now and then.....well during this time i meet someone....we date awhile.....he asks me to marry him i tell him i am not ready he says he loves me so much.....he moves in with me......a month later i find out that our teller at the bank is pregnant with his child.......wowie.......well bob is there to take care of me emotionally......so a year passes and i meet someone else he is wonderful......loves my kids gets along well with boband claims that he love me and that i am his soul mate......writes poetry abobt me that gets published and several songs that are awesome......we live together for almostayera and a half only to find out that he has lied about where he had been a paticular night and he was with he ex wife......so outta here with him......i am devesated.......well by this time bob is in a relationship with a girl that he went to school with and is only paying the 900.00 a month and not a penny more unless i cry and beg........so times are rough for me and the kids but i work three and four jobs and we keep our house and save enough to put a down payment on a nicer home and we move in.......well four months go by and i meet this guy whom i am awe struck by.....we have the best times.......we will sit and talk on the phone after i get home from work until 6 am in the morning time for me to get the kids reafy for school and time for him to go to work......he calls me all durning the dayjust to say hello drops by for lunch......calls me to meet him for lunch......goes and takes my kids to dinner while i am at work......he gets his two boys and we all spend the weekend together playing putt-putt and going to the park and watching movies......this goes on for several months and he asks me to marry him and i accept.......he moves in and my kids think he is the best thing in the world .....he treats them better than any other man has ever treated them before.....my oldest daughter loves him so much.......i love his kids and accept that they are not as disiplined as mine but we all have to make conessions in life.....and as long as they mind me and are respectful to me then every thing is fine........well then he changes and is still great with the kids but we start to argue over silly stuff......he tinks that some guy is hitting on me and that is not the case......so as time goes on i start to thing that he is interested in someone else......he gets a new youn blonde assistant and spends lots of time at work ....well i am so so freaking insecure and it causes major problems.....this goes on for months.......then he takes a position wher he is going to be out of town several nights a week......so i ask him to call me when he gets in the office that he is going to be working in so that i know he is safe and that i know exactly where he is at.....well monday night before we go to bed we get in a argument and i tell him nevermind that not even call me at all just to be careful.....well he leaves tuesday morning at 6am and i do not hear from him until 3 in the afternoon.....well when he called i asked why he was calling and he said because he misses me and loves me so i sak if you really love me why didnt you call me first thing this morning knowing that it could only ease my mind....and he say because i told him not to so i say goodbye and hangup.......well he calls me back about 7 and i am at dinner with my the kids and bob and his girlfriend for our daughters late birthday dinner.....well as soon as i leave i call him back and he says that he is still working......and will probably work late so he is just going to stay in the town that he is in for the night and get up early in the am and drive to the other office......he asks me what i am doing and a girlfriend and myself are going to play a video game that both paul and i love......so we do....paul calls me back about 9 pm from his cell and tells me he is in the room for the night and going straight to bed.......why would he not call me from the room phone so that i would know that is where he is.....knowing that i dont believe him.......so he tell me to call him later and i say that i am not going to call and wake him up but that he can feel free to call me at anytime.......well needless to say i do not hear from him all night .......he doesnt call me until 10:30am this morning....he also tells me that he hasnt had a second since he got there at 8am this morning to even call me....and that he may not be home tonight....and then he has to get off the phone...... .....this time from the office phone because he says his cell is not working ........why such inconsistenty.....am i crazy......am i reading to much into things ......am i stupid and blind......i just need some advice on what to do......i truly appreciate your offer to try to help.....thank you.....obviously i am desperate....thank you.....

[Nifty_Swifty1]

people can't help you unless they know whats going on. If you don't wan't to make things quite so public pm me and I'll give you what advice I can.

[lunatic]

Hi there,

 

You really didn't give us any information to form an opinion on. Are you fresh out of a relationship or still in one that he/she is cheating? Give a little more information and I am sure you will get better responses. If you can't bring yourself to put it out there in public then PM me.

 

I can give great advice but, I never seem to be able to listen to my own.

 

Good luck!

 

Hubman