Do I stay or go??

[nickim]

I wrote earlier about my x of 7 1/2 years cheating on my with "a friend" was is married. Iam letting go slowly, he is supposably dating already (only been apert for 3 months) and I havent been able to "move on " as he puts it, is there something wrong with me, why is it so easy for him and I still cry all the time. I love him so much but know we could never work through this one because hes a cheat and 2 he really seems to hate me he never calls and has told me I treated him horrible for the whole relationship, but I did everything for him, what do I do ? Where do I go from here? Do I try to work it out or do I just let him and my new home go, Im so confussed.

[russia]

it's always easier for the person who initiated the breakup to move on. cos he already moved on a long time ago. you have been under his deception so your responses to sever the relationship will be much slower.

 

if you knew then and there, when he stopped loving you, when he detested your treatment of him, you would be just as ready to break up and move on with your own life right now.

 

how is it that most people never communicate when they are unhappy with the way they are being treated, except when it's already too late? if he was really in a relationship with you, he should have told you when he was treated badly by you. so you see, the relationship had become just an illusion. he was maintaining a facade until he finally broke it off.

 

just make sure you get your fair share of the breakup now.

 

and take your time to heal and mourn your 'loss'. maybe reflect on where you went wrong. how your good intentions were received so badly.

[The Morrigan]

It's going to take you more than 3 months to feel like you're getting anywhere moving on - you invested a lot in him, and it's not unreasonable to expect to have to give yourself some time to get back some of that and start putting it into yourself.

 

He cheated. He got caught. Of COURSE he's going to try to make excuses and shift the blame if he's not ready to be responsible for his actions! Don't fall for this! Do NOT let him make you feel you were responsible for his incredibly poor judgement, you are not his scapegoat, don't let him shift the blame onto you! Especially given this, no, I wouldn't go back to him with a cattle prod as incentive. Do you really want to feel responsible for mistakes he makes? If you take the blame for this, you're going to set one BAD precedent to allow him to behave badly, even though you intend it as forgiveness.

 

Take the time you have now to think of a few little things you might have wanted to do, and didn't have the time for when you were with him, or held back from. Change your hairstyle, take a class that's just for your interest, start something you've been putting off that'll feel positive like an exercise program, but do something that's only for yourself, that'll make you feel like you're making a positive change to yourself. One that doesn't consider anyone else, but is only for you. Put yourself first, and let yourself feel GOOD about it. When you care about yourself, it shines through, and you'll start getting positive reactions from the people around you. And in turn, you should slowly start feeling better about yourself, and what about you deserve out of life as a result.

 

You'll still cry sometimes, but bear in mind your tears aren't for him as much as for the grief that comes with coming to terms with the disappointment and betrayal, and finding out he wasn't who you thought. Give yourself a break, don't berate yourself for not moving on as fast as you think you should, you're allowed to be human!

[kimg]

This guy sounds like a jerk. You are falling for what he is saying to you. Some men have the tendency to make the woman feel like everything ws her fault. He knows who fault it is. This guy needs to be out of your life and you are too hurt to see it. Move on! Dont call him. Dont except his phone calls if he calls you. Let it go. He is bad for you. He is going to do the new girl the same way. If he doesnt who cares because he treated you badly. Be happy that this man is out of your life. Take time to heal and get yourself together so you wont fall for another mans crap.