Lucy_lou Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 This is a question, mainly for those of us who were late bloomers and started out with an assumed heterosexuality, but then began to go through metamorphosis. How long did it take? has the process finished? What stages did it involve? And for the gay people, did you experience a period of mourning, realising that that you have such a small pool of potential partners? Link to comment
Flux Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 lol... I like these threads. There really interesting I wouldn't say it was a metamorphisis, more a realization, cus when I assumed I was straight I never felt properly straight.. if that makes sense Round-a-bout last summer it started to notice I liked girls but I completely ignored it until around January this year. I don't think my process has finished just yet, I'm still a noob I was one of the people that gradually shifted my way through the entire scale. I came onto here and made a thread about me thinkin I was bi-curious then over the months sort of shifted through every phase and now I know I'm a lesbian. And I'm going through the mourning of lack of partners right around now, lol. Something wil come along I'm sure Good thread Idea though Link to comment
adamc260 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 13 I started noticing things 16 I began to come to terms with it but was still in denial 17 I accepted it for myself 18 I started telling people.... I'm now 19 so I guess 6 years for me! Link to comment
Vanishing Girl Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 lol... I like these threads. There really interesting I wouldn't say it was a metamorphisis, more a realization, cus when I assumed I was straight I never felt properly straight.. if that makes sense Round-a-bout last summer it started to notice I liked girls but I completely ignored it until around January this year. I don't think my process has finished just yet, I'm still a noob I was one of the people that gradually shifted my way through the entire scale. I came onto here and made a thread about me thinkin I was bi-curious then over the months sort of shifted through every phase and now I know I'm a lesbian. And I'm going through the mourning of lack of partners right around now, lol. Something wil come along I'm sure Good thread Idea though Can you please go into detail about "I never felt properly straight" .....just curious.... Link to comment
Flux Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Can you please go into detail about "I never felt properly straight" .....just curious.... Well, when I was like 14/15 and was going out with guys, I was never really really into them I just liked them, but more as friends. And I think I only went out with them because everyone was doing (cliche!) it and because I liked bieng able to say I was with them. But I always got bored after a few weeks and I knew something wasn't right but I couldn't put my finger on it, my mates just said I hadn't found the right guy or that something would come along. Then when I started to have sex and it really just put me off them more and I lost the little attraction that I had. It's hard to explain; it just never felt natural to me... I dunno if that helps, lol Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Lucy, you are 28. When did you feel the difference? is this new? Or something that has been occurring for a long time now? Link to comment
Lucy_lou Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 Lucy, you are 28. When did you feel the difference? is this new? Or something that has been occurring for a long time now? It's been about seven years, I'd say, and I'm changing by the day. Seven years ago I met this beautiful girl. She was beautiful from the inside out, and so kind it startled me. I was a little entranced by her. She was my first crush (she turned out to be bi) Then I met another girl who had a similar effect on me (she turned out to be bi) In the past 3 years I've had 2 more (much bigger) crushes on women. And I always crave to have lots of women around me. Especially in that kind of older wiser women kind of way. And for me it's tied in with my politics, because only after I started learning about feminism and started to recognise the mysogyny I'd grown up with did I realise that women aren't as dumb and useless as I thought. lol And since I've always been attracted to intelligence, there was no longer anything blocking me from liking women too. I'll think I have myself figured out, but then things just keep changing. Sometimes it seems like I'm turning gay, but then that seems so ridiculous because I've had such intense attractions to men in the past, and will possilby have more in the future. But Yesterday I think I began the process of mourning. Because I think it's mainly with women that I want to be really close. one thing which puzzles me, is that even when I identified as straight, I had an intense aversion to being seen as part of a straight couple. It seemed like a totally humiliating thing for some reason..I don't know, maybe that's just immaturity. or maybe it's to do with not wanting to present a false identity....or give the wrong impression to the ladies Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I have known women who as late as 40 and above before they really had it figured out that they were lesbian. So you are not the latest of the late bloomers! LOL I'd say just do what feels right to you and try to gravitate toward like minded people. That is always the best way to feel more like you belong vs people who try to hang with folks who make them feel weird or awkward. Instead of mourning why not celebrate a new life where you can live in a manner that is more suitable to you? At the end of the day you might find you will always be bi and never totally lesbian. I have always believed that bi people always gravitate a little more strongly towards one sex than the other and that is okay. Since you said you are a very sexual person it would make sense that you might not totally go one way or the other - most bi people are extremely sexual, more than most. The sexual appetite being much stronger they can be more likely to find themselves in sexual relationships wtih both genders. Link to comment
IntoTheFire Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Interesting topic. I'm not sure what the actual timescale was...hmm...I remember being about 16 and having what I thought was a crush on a teacher at school. Then, after thinking about it, it was more of an admiration thing. She was just basically the type of person I wanted to develop into. Anyway, since then I just had boyfriends as most 17-18 year old's have, which was fine, but I think I knew that something was missing. I mean, I was physically attracted to the guys in question, but it just wasn't all there. I got bored a little too easy in their company, I never really felt that I wanted to pin them down and do what I wanted with them etc...just no X Factor in the relationships. I moved out of home when I was almost 19, so I had absolute freedom to go to whatever clubs I wanted to and everything. I had kissed a few girls in the time before leaving home, but after I got my own place it was like a licence to do whatever I wanted. I went with some friends to gay bars/clubs, and I felt myself more at home than in predominantly straight places, so I kept going back. I met a few girls, and the fact that they were completely random, yet I wanted to be around them more than I did with the guys I had been seeing in the past, kinda summed it up in my head that I wanted to be with a girl. I guess I don't really call myself anything...just go with the flow, as they say. None of my friends have an issue with my choice, and nor do I (anymore). I guess it's all good Link to comment
hektic Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 At around 16 I started to realize I Was attracted to guys as well, 17-20 I tried to convince myself I was BI, and I guess this year being 21, I guess I finally accepted that I'm just flat out gay no matter what I want and I'm coming to a point where I am OK with who I am Link to comment
jon 13 Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 hmm.. about 11 i was thinking of guys. but didn't think anything of it lol 12ish maybe 13 i started thinking i might be gay, then 13 i accepted it and came out.. Link to comment
maybetomorrow Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 I realized I had a crush on a girl, after which I went on have a HUGE..."uh? no way! ohhh. ahhhh! but of course!"...moment. Everything...every little piece of my childhood, every little bit of unattraction towards guys, every little fascination I'd had with teachers/other girls...just came together and made complete sense. It's been over a year now. And there were plenty of stages: indifference, denial, depression, acceptance...things have slowly gotten better. And now I'm almost ok with it. Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 It took me a very longtime. I'm almost 27-years-old and I didn't even come out to myself until I was 24. Granted, I've always known I was gay(I've never loved anything except men, even as a kid). But I refused to acknowledge that aspect of myself. So, basically, I lived the first portion of my life like an asexual eunuch. It was horrible to say the least. However, my reason was self preservation. Like many gay men I originated from a very homophobic background. And it was always drilled into me that Gay = EVIL/Perverse/Repulsive. So my conscious decision to "never be gay" was all about protecting myself (from emotional and physical abuse). Thankfully, I grew some balls and had the audacity to just be myself. I like me more now. My process was like this... 8-12 - Immediately noticed my attraction for boys. I tried to like girls, but my attraction for the same sex was so visceral. Prayed everyday to turn straight. 13-17 - tried being straight. so much so that it nearly drove me mad, and subsequently tried to commit suicide. Thankfully it was a failed attempt... 18-24 - Tried converting to Christianity, hoping that I would no longer have feelings for boys. Tried going on dates with girls around this time. Bleah... 24 - Now - Fell head over heels in love with this guy I met on campus. We had a fleeting affair, but I knew definitively by then. I came out to myself prior to meeting him... And, yes, I did go through that mourning period (on this very board, haha). But it wasn't about finding potential partners(there are like tons of gay and bi guys out there lol). It was about having that ideal "Life" that everyone applauds (i.e. Wife, 2.5 kids, two golden retrievers, a Ford Range Rover, White Picket Fence, Lovely house on a hill, and a partridge in a pear tree). I'll have to live with the fact that people will not approve of my relationship because it is with another guy. But, screw them...That's my man! Link to comment
fredv3b Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 How long did it take? has the process finished? What stages did it involve? From one point of view it took about 15 seconds, when I was about 11 or 12. Suddenly all my confused thoughts made sense. But, as it appeared to me as at the time, a truly awful realisation. However from another point of view it took 15 years. From that moment until I left home for university (college to you Yanks) I engaged in various forms of unhappy denial. Then at university I just ignored it, I was happily single with lots of friends and it didn't matter who I would be interested in if I wasn't happily single. Now in my 28th year of life I seem to have got the hang of being gay and happy at the same time (pun intended). And for the gay people, did you experience a period of mourning, realising that that you have such a small pool of potential partners? And, yes, I did go through that mourning period (on this very board, haha). But it wasn't about finding potential partners(there are like tons of gay and bi guys out there lol). It was about having that ideal "Life" that everyone applauds (i.e. Wife, 2.5 kids, two golden retrievers, a Ford Range Rover, White Picket Fence, Lovely house on a hill, and a partridge in a pear tree). I went through that mourning period too. But now I realise that I can still have that life (mostly), the dogs, the range rover, the house, etc. Of course it helps that in UK we have Civil Partnerships (Civil Unions to you Yanks) give gay relationships formal respectability. Link to comment
Reality-Check Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 18, almost 19, was a couple months ago when I finally admitted it to myself. Feels like life is one giant emotional black hole that sucks every possible ounce of hope of finding someone you can be with out of you. So, I guess I'm still in the mourning period myself. Link to comment
ashes_and_wine Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Dated guys, was in love with a guy until I was 28. Always thought girls were pretty, but more in a comparing myself to them kind of way. I have always been drawn to female singers and been entranced by lesbians. At 28, I met a girl and had a lot of fun getting to know her. I realized one day that I missed her when I didn't talk to her and I looked forward to rushing home just to talk to her online or to rush out of work to call her on my way home (she lives out of state). I finally confessed my feelings to her in a drunken stupor one night (not recommended) and she felt the same. We dated for 2 years and she just dumped me recently. I've had bad luck with guys and now my heart has been broken by a woman. I'm not sure which way I'll sway when I'm healed. I'm open to either at this point, but will be very cautious. She was the greatest love of my life and I really thought I'd spend my life with her. It was an unexpected relationship and detour in my life, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I will love her as long as I live and I am still hopeful that one day we will get back together. Link to comment
jon 13 Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 >.> glad it didn't take 30 years of denial for me to come to terms with my sexuality.. Link to comment
Makedamnsure Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Well, I'm still in the process of acceptance. Heres how its gone so far.. 13: Had my first girlfriend. It was alright.. 14: Started realizing I liked men when I had a crush on my male teacher. 14-17: I had feelings for men, but pretty much ignored it 17-18: Tried to put it off for being Bi 18-19: Fell in love with a man I worked with. Never did tell him.. This was the point that I realized that I'm gay. Very tough time, considered suicide many times. 20: Still feeling pretty depressed about it, but I'm accepting it much more now. Link to comment
Flux Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 I need to chagne my comments again.. I think I'm bisexual... Just as I got the idea of bieng a lesbian around my big ol' head I think I'm bi again. It would appear I'm just jumping through random points on the kinsey scale... Gahh... It's so difficult. I mean I shouldnt have to make a decision on this it should just say. I can't make out whether I'm either very fickle or if I'm just gonna trapped in this never ending path of finding a sexuality.. Godammit! Rant over... Anyone got any ideas on it? Link to comment
andshecries Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 ermm well i think it is wrong to label yourself anything. you are madmegz666. you are a woman, who loves to do this and that, you love people for who they are not what is in their pants, and one day you will choose the PERSON that makes you the happiest not what sex they are. some people are flat out gay, or the opposite, it doesnt mean those of us who cant work it out have to follow. just accept that you are attracted to boys sometimes girls sometimes boys sometimes not and girls sometimes not. if someone asks what orientation i am, i basically just say i love people for who they are, so i have the ability to fall for a man or woman. however i do love what a woman brings to a relationship, so i might be leaning more lesbian, but ther is no point labelling myself as a lesbian and then finding myself attracted to a guy and then confusing myself all over again saying "oh now what am i ???" labels are for jars or jam. something that is defently one thing and will stay one thing. we are much more wonderful and complex and should try not to rush into choosing our orientation just because everybody else seems to know what floats their boat. just accept at this point in time that you have the ability to be attracted to both, acknowledge what you like about a hetro relationship or a lesbain relationship and accept them also. hope i helped andshecries Link to comment
andshecries Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Oh and my process goes like this 13-14 thought about hetero sex and fantasised about guys but also was attracted or drawn to older girls that where pretty and confident kind of like a role model 14-15 had a boyfriend to fit in. hated kissing him, didnt find him attractive at all, started to think that boys bored me. 15-17 had a huge crush on a boy and girl at the same time. but still never thought i was gay or even bi. as i didnt think i would ever act on it. 18-21 had crushes on girls, kissed girls and boys and noticed that i got butterflies with the girls and and was bored with the boys. but at the same time to make it confusing for me i thought i fell for a boy who i had a connection with. i fell in love with his mind, humour, personality.. but wasnt sexual attracted to him. 21-24 fell very quickly and deeply for a girl and experience my first lesbian relationship and ADORED everything about it. basically for me, boys dont really do much at all. i dont know if i will ever find one who will. but they jsut dont put the butterflies in my stomach like many girls have. one boy did from 15-17. and i still fantasise about men, but for me its much more about what a woman can bring to the relationship that men dont. i really loved being with a girl and was devasted when she left all of a sudden. i havnt labelled myself, as i dont want to rush into decisions and then being confused later if find myself falling for an unexpected gender. but i have acknowledged what i love about different genders and people. Link to comment
Luv Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 I guess for me it went like this... First of all, i always loved girls and guys when i was young but i found myself developing more for guys than girls as time went on. 12-13 - i started having crushes on guys. Sexually that is. Formed a mainly sexual crush on my teacher. Which made me panic, especially when i found out that he was gay. But i remember going to him for advice and he just suggested i should 'give it time' and not worry about it. Meanwhile, i still pretended to like girls and had a girlfriend. 14-15 - I messed around with someone and some people found out at school. It was odd cause my HS was very anti-gay and yet almost everyone that found out supported me. I think mainly cause it was obvious that i wasn't happy and because i had loud verbal fights with my parents about it (which my neighbors heard). Even though i knew i was gay i didn't want to be. It drove me nuts. 16- Was my 'official' outing.....During 9th/10th i formed a bond with my one teacher (another one). We talked about everything and anything. He was the first person i 'came out' to. I remember telling him i hated pretending to be someone i am not. He told me he understood how i felt and that he was gay aswell. After that it felt like we were dating [emotionally/physically] and even though we distanced ourselves (cause student/teacher) everyone basically figured out something was going on. I was outed by this teacher. Not because he randomly 'outed' me, it was more so cause i was going through a deep depression and my classmates were worried. So, he spoke up and said he thought that was one reason why. He was right btw. In return, when people thought he was the one trying to 'abuse me' i stuck up for him and told people the truth that it wasn't a one-sided thing. So, that also cofirmed it for them. I dont know, beyond that i cant think of any other defining moments. I think i accepted it when i was 16-ish because of this teacher. My attraction really hasn't changed. Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 There may be a general difference between boys and girls on this topic. Seems more possible for a girl to be truly bisexual and for it to be a gradual realization. More clear cut for guys, although for some there may be some denial, and and the word 'bi' is easier to say than gay. They generally know that they are gay. Some guys realize that even though they're gay its possible to be sexual with a woman and choose a more socially accepptable lifestyle. I will not say its impossible for a guy to be bi, but I have yet to meet one in real life. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Ooh, this looks like a fun game. Here I go! 11-13- Had attractions to boys but had never even heard of homosexuality so didn't know what it was 13- Found out what homosexuality was in a newspaper article, realized it was what I was, told my Mom, who said to wait until I was older to decide 13-19 Boring period of celibacy, no particularly hot guys, girls seemed boring. Thought I might be asexual. Spent most of this time wrapped up in books, as a result I became ridiculously smart. 19: All in the same year: went on first and only date with a girl, realized I was definitely gay, fell madly in love with my straight roommate, told my parents, brother, and other assorted close friends that I was gay. 21: Came out publicly on facebook, met my boyfriend of two years. So, I don't know how long you'd want to say that took, but I'd say roughly six years (from the first time I told my Mom to the time I reiterated it) Oh, and I totally agree with Luke that bisexuality seems much more common among girls than boys. I don't personally know any boys I would call truly bisexual, but several girls that could fit that category. Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 My timeline 4 years old - (I don't remember this but my older brothers and sister swear this is true) My uncle asks me what I want to be when I grow up, I reply "Homo!" 9 years old - my dad rented out houses we would go in as soon as renters left to see what what left behind when they moved out. Once renters left stacks and stacks of porn. Some of them Playgirls, I clearly remember being more interested in the Playgirls 13 years old - I had a clear understanding of the fact that I was gay. 14 years old - I discovered masterbation (I was tinking of a guy) 24 years old - my first brief sexual encounter with a guy in college 32 my first real bf - stayed together for 2 years I only ever remember being a 6 on the Kinsey scale Link to comment
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