Boyfriend dumped me via email to get back with his ex

[buckdawg]

you're fine. look it's perfectly natural to feel self righteous right now we've all felt it. i know it's soooo much easier said than done. but if you just ignore him he'll be like, hmmm...why did she get over me so easy? it'll tear him up. isn't that the best torture in the world?

[neverwork]

Egad, I'm going through something entirely similar. I met this guy from London when he came to do research at where I was working. We hit it off immediately and were inseparable but didn't act on it because he had a girlfriend back home of 9 years. We stayed in touch. A month later he broke up with her. A month after that he told me he had feelings for me. He pursued me hard and very diligently ran around all my logical questions of whether it was right to get involved. We met up 6 months later in Cambodia and had a wonderful time - except once after sex he seemed a little down. I asked him if he felt like he was cheating on her and he said yes. After i returned to the States everything seemed to slowly go to hell. I found a cheap ticket to come to London for New Years and he told me I couldn't come because he had too many family issues. He grew more distant but denied it. I knew something was up - and would go insane grasping at straws trying to figure it out. I constantly had anxiety about what was happening. He kept assuring me that everything was okay. I was planning on quitting my job to move to Europe to be closer to him - he was now in Switzerland. He didn't tell me a lot of things. He never spoke of his ex. When I would ask why they broke up, he would only say, because it was only functional - that he didn't feel human anymore. I finally got the guts to ask him if he was still talking to her and he said "yes". I then asked, "does she know about me?" "No." "Are you going to tell her?" "yes". But he never did. He told me that what we had was worth fighting for and then a week later he broke up with me in an email and it was awful. I was devastated. I called him every night to hash it out and eventually convinced him to keep trying. We were to meet up in Chicago a month later. He had work there and I had family and friends nearby to see - this included my best friends wedding where I was the bridesmaid. I asked him over and over whether or not he'd be okay with doing something so "heavy" after teetering on breaking up. He said yes, came, had fun, and acting like everything was alright. I hardly heard from him after he returned home. Three weeks later he told me he was depressed. When I talked to him I told him my fear that he was going to say goodbye, to which he replied, "oh, why would you think that?" Then he got weirdly offended in emails. The next time we spoke on the phone he broke up with me again - told me he was letting me down, his ex down and his mother down and he couldn't take it anymore - one month before my trip to Europe. Everything is set up for me and paid for. I've been totally trashed since. He was such a severe mind * * * *. I'm still going to Europe - he can kiss my ass. But I definitely have my weak moments when I want to call him.