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Marriage in forties and confused!


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I have never been on a forum like this and hope that you will read this message and I will find some people in the same boat as me. Also be great to have some unbiased opinions not opinions from friends who mean well but often offend unknowingly.

 

I have been married for several months after discovering my true soulmate in life. I have never been happier but am finding that now the wedding is over that I have been feeling down and confused.

 

You see, I have never been married and just 14 months ago I met a wonderful man. We knew we were meant to be together from the moment we met - sounds corny, but those of you who have had the same feeling will know what I am talking about. He is absolutely wonderful and loves me so much. We were married within 12 months. Both families are extremely happy with our match and say both of us have never looked happier.

 

Now that all the excitement is over, I feel like I have no purpose in life...no direction....i don't know why.... He has a 14 year old son and often i feel left out when we are doing things together....he has a broad range of friends and i lost my few friends when i married as they were bitter divorcees who hate men.....get my drift....dont know what to do.....

 

Can anyone offer some words of advice please.

 

Thanks

 

Confused

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All I can think of to say right now is to just bear with it for a while. Marriage is a long term thing, and you won't feel energetic and enthusiastic about it every day. It may take you a while to adjust to things, to find purpose again. It will likely be in a different place than it was before. Now you can start to do family things, with or without his son.

 

You have a bigger family now, all his relatives are now your relatives. Maybe you could get to know some of them, or perhaps even meet them for the first time to see how you like them. Maybe you could invite some other couples over for dinner. See if your husband and you would like to pick up a new hobby. Plan a renovation to the house, or a redecoration, or maybe rearrange or plan a garden (if that's possible).

 

It'll all come together with time. Just don't expect things to all of a sudden happen on their own, it will take a while to work into everything.

 

Best of luck.

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In the long run, you're better off without the male-hating friends. Their bitterness and negativity is not something you need in your life, right? You should meet new friends, as a couple, through activities that you both enjoy. I'd talk to him about your feelings, and ask to spend time doing things you both enjoy, without his old group of friends, so that you can connect to the world as a couple. I understand your concerns about spending time with his world, and not with a shared one. Reduce the amount of time you spend with his friends, but don't eliminate it. Gradually, you will be hanging around couples that have only ever know you as a couple, and I think that's important for you.

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