Deciphering the "Guy Code"

[TroubledTwenties]

Guys lemme know what's going on, see if you can go inside my ex's head for me....

 

He and I broke up...we'll say about a month ago...he told me he realized that our on again off again relationship just wasn't working. That he loved me with all his heart but deep down, logically he knew it wouldn't work. So we broke up...within a few days he was dating another girl. I had my phone number changed and emails, I basically wanted to break free, after almost 3 years with someone, breaking up is really hard. He did however manage to get ahold of me because he just "couldn't go without" being at least my friend, and a part of my life. I was confused by this because I felt that if he had a gf he would gladly leave me alone. Well I went on a couple dates with a guy I'd met through a friend from work and things were great but I don't want to be in a realtionship, I just want to heal.

 

Last week and the beginning of this week, I was very sick and in the hospital, with large kidney stones. My ex tried to contact me, but being sick I didn't answer. He found out that I was in the hospital and came to see me. He held my hand and kissed me, and told me that he missed me. He also mentioned that he would die if anything happened to me and was so worried about me being in the hospital. He sent me an ecard that said that putting differences aside that he really loved me, and he wishes me a speedy recovery. He also said how his new girl is annoying him, wanting to be over all the time, and how she's moody, and etc. He says that he always goes through that, needing space then comparing everyone to me. He was also real inquisitive about who was calling me and my cell phone's call history. However he is, in fact, with his new gf, I mean she comes to his apt everyday, and spends the night and stuff, and the're even saying I love you...so I think I should back off. I'm going into some kinda surgery tomorrow and he wants to be there, what should I do? I mean I love him, always will, he was my first and all, but what's with the mixed signals. If he wants to be with me out of consideration, I'm all for it, basically what does he mean by all this. I mean I haven't really talked to him since Monday of this week, so I don't know what's going on.

 

Please help!

[routerx]

He's having his cake and eating it too.

 

You supply him with certain things that he can get no where else. His girlfriend supplies him with things that you could not provide.

 

Now he has the best of both worlds.

 

It is simply too hard to move on with your future relationships if he is toying with your heart like this. I've been in situations like this before. You need to make a complete and clean cut so your heart can heal and you can move on with the a person that doesn't play these games.

 

Either his heart is 100% with you, or he's out of your life. Any other way will bring on long term hurt to your heart.

[Ariba]

This is going to sound a bit harsh, but here's the deal from a bona fide guy...

 

Your ex-boyfriend either:

a) is looking for some steady sex with you after he breaks up with the girl he's currently seeing (who he's unhappy with)

b) feels guilty about breaking up with you. Now that you're sick, he feels even worse, so he's trying to give you comfort so he can feel better about himself.

 

He's on a rebound with this new girl (notice that he's saying I love yous after a month?!) and it's starting to fizzle. You represent comfort to him, so he's coming back to you because you're reliable, but not because he's romantically in love with you.

 

Just my two cents.

[TroubledTwenties]

Hey guys thanks for the imput.

 

The results were pretty much what I suspected, after talking to my grandfather, he told me if the ex does care about me (which my grandfather don't believe is true) but if by some weird chance he does. He needs to make an effort to come see me and one hospital visit doesn't really do much.

 

I was pretty much thinking the new gf was a rebound, and I am the "comfort girl" kinda like an old favorite shoe. Anyways...thanks!

[sweetharmony]

i was sort of in your ex bf shoes. I was bored with my 4 year relationship and wanted to move on with someone else (who at the time seemed more exciting). so, i broke up with my ex to pursue that new relationship. so shortly, it was if we were in love. but, i was really in love with the idea of being in love, and soon those feelings wore off. i realized that this new guy was a sort of rebound and i wan't in love with him. i missed the loyalty and normal comfort of my ex- boyfriend relationship and i tried to get back with him, while i was seeign this new guy. i was afraid to break up with the new guy (for fear of being alone), so guess i was waiting for my ex and i to get back together. but it was too late. what i would do to erase the past. but i learned a valuable lesson, the grass is NEVER GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. this may be what your ex is trying to do. perhaps, he thought the grass was greener and then realized it wasn't but her's afraid of having neither of you. i would let him prove his worth to you before getting back together.