She dont know she's screwing my head up...

[phil1981UK]

Ok, here goes, been seeing a girl for about a month, I really fallen for her but I have no idea what she is thinking, she is very self assured and has not told me anything about what she feels about me, and neither have I to her. All the signals I get from her are very confusing, sometimes I think she likes me other times I really feel unsure about her feelings!

 

Things is, I cant stop thinking about her, my guts are turning all day long, I cant eat or sleep, my head is really ***ed! I'm never normally like this, im normally confident and self assured myself but she has had an effect like never before, and im no stranger to relationships either so its not inexperince or desperation. I shrink in her presense. I shake when im around her, I got it bad right?

 

My question really is that I know I shouldnt go on like this as it aint good right! So even though its only been a month is it to early for me to ask her how she feels? Should I tell her how I feel and see what she says?

 

Any help appreciated as im gonna explode soon!

 

Thanks

[sphinx999]

Well my advise is talk to her about your feelings and she will probaberly respond by telling you about hers, she may just be too shy. Yeh I got the gut turning too I almost went to the doctors with it thanks for explaining it.

[DREAM]

Hey there

 

How do you not know she not in the same boat. You did say you not told her about your feelings so why should she. How about you tell the gal how you feel and see if you get a response. Or just ask her where this relationship going even tho its been a month tell her you hope she is as serious as you are cos you really do like her and not messing around.

 

Hope that helps good luck.

[Ariba]

Sphinx and Dream are wrong. Flat out, plain wrong. Don't tell her how you feel or have a "talk" with her.

 

Here's the best advice you'll ever get on dating: NEVER listen to the opposite sex.

 

You probably think you'd like a woman who's a supermodel and wants to have sex with you fifty times a day. But if you actually got it, you'd ultimately realize that there was something missing, something more that you wanted.

 

So, wonder how she feels? Actions speak louder than words. How does she treat YOU? Does she suggest that you go places you like to go? Does she make your favourite dinner? Does she buy you small gifts? Does she let you know she's thinking about you? Does she ask you out? Is she flexible? Giving?

 

If she's showing that she cares through her actions, ultimately, she'll bring up the "talk" to "clarify". Just like it's a guy's role in this world to approach a woman and ask her out, it's a girl's role to move relationships to the next level. Yep, sometimes it sucks, but it's just the way it is.

 

Until she does, you should keep on dating other women or at least keep and eye out for others. Try you best to not concentrate so hard on this one girl and keep your options open.

 

You have it in you. Be a man!

[Mar]

Okay, this may be harsher yet, but if you want to think in a HIGHLY outdated manner, you can take the advice last posted. But here's what we WOMEN enjoy....a man who can talk about his feelings (it's NOT girly or wussy, so don't even get started on THAT subject) it's simply COMMUNICATION. Who says the woman has to take the next step? Last I looked, it was an equal-opportunity kind of thing!

 

So yes, you can talk to her. It doesn't have to be a situation where you wear your heart on your sleeve and pour out your love for her, you can simply say that you enjoy spending time with her and ask her if she feels the same. (Keep in mind that, if you're having trouble expressing your thoughts, she most likely is too, for fear of rushing you.) Tell her that you'd like to see more of her, and see how she reacts. If it's in a positive way, you know you're on the right track and both of you will feel better for having spoken about it. If she's lukewarm about it, then you have an answer there too, and it's then up to you if you want to continue to see her.

 

But I have to reiterate: do NOT wait for her to take the initiative, since you can't be sure she will! There is absolutely nothing wrong with communicating your feelings to someone you're interested in; it's not the woman's "job" or the man's "job" to ask a woman out. It's about two people being attracted to each other and COMMUNICATING to each other to further that attraction. You CAN wait, I suppose.....but why on earth WOULD you?

 

Mar

[Ariba]

Whoa! Stop right there.

 

Let's take a look at a quote out of the last poster's text..."Last I looked, it was an equal-opportunity kind of thing!"

 

This is the biggest lie in the dating world perpetuated by women. It is NOT equal opportunity.

 

Want proof?

 

Ask yourself:

- How many women ask men out compared to vice versa?

- How many women pay for the first (few) dates?

- How many women go for the first kiss? (this one almost never happens)

 

Yes, despite the leaps and bounds made by feminism for women's rights, it hasn't changed much in the dating world except causing grave confusion to men.

 

Here's the bottom line. Men, in this world, are expected to risk rejection all along the way... over and over and over.

 

They ask for the phone number

They make the first call (and typically the second and the third)

They go in for the first kiss

They go in for the first... everything else

They ask the woman to marry them

 

This is one area where it's the WOMAN's turn to face rejection -- moving the relationship along.

 

Don't do it. Don't listen to women on this one. Play it cool. Do what's best for you, and let nature take its course. I'm telling you. If she's really interested, she'll be as anxious as you to find out "where things are going."

 

Good luck.

[Mar]

Ariba, before you jump to unfounded conclusions such as those you've posted, I'd like to ask what you're basing your "facts" on. While you may enjoy that macho attitude, apparently the times have moved on without you. I've seen countless examples of women doing ALL the things you've posted, myself included! I'm not sure how old you are or what your experiences are on dating, but do NOT tell someone that it's the "man's job", because that's simply untrue. There is no such thing as a "job" on one person's part or another person's when it comes to dating, it's about acting on how you FEEL, regardless of your sex.

 

Stop making this into a man vs. woman situation, and quit the "women's rights/feminist" stuff. This has NOTHING to do with that. The original question was simply whether this guy can tell a girl he's attracted to her. YES, HE CAN. There's no "law" written in any "Man Handbook" that says that you have to wait for a woman to do it because you, as the man, have done your part in asking her out! That's simply ridiculous, and, more importantly, chauvinistic and narrow-minded. Sorry to sound blunt, but it really is.

 

I'm not sure where you get your ideas from, and I realize that this is your opinion only, but don't state it as "fact", when it's not, and say that a member, ME, in this case, is "perpetuating a lie." Just to give you a little background on how I can say this? I've asked men out first, I've paid for more dates than I can count, and, if I wanted to kiss someone, I kissed them, sometimes being the first to initiate this. And I'm not the only one who's ever done this, there are countless women out there who do the same. This board is about expressing your OPINION, and your posts should reflect that. It would be wise to remember that the next time you post.

 

So, back to the original question of whether you can simply tell a girl you're attracted to her......I'll put it this way. There's certainly nothing wrong with it, but it's completely up to you whether you feel comfortable in doing so or not. If you feel the urge to tell her, then by all means do so, it doesn't mean you'll face rejection! If you two have hit it off well, then there's no harm done, and it will bring you that much closer. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you CAN go to her and tell her how you feel, and find out that she feels the same!

 

 

Mar

[Ariba]

Fair enough.

 

What I'd encourage any one to do, then, is ask himself (or herself -- I'm going to use the generic masculine because, arguably, it's more commonly the guy) if he's doing all the work in the relationship. If he is, he should ask himself why. Is she really interested if she's not making a move?

 

If a man:

- asked the woman for her phone number

- asked the woman out

- paid

- went in for the first kiss

 

and made countless other expressions of interest (which ultimately every one of those things is), perhaps he should ask himself if he wants to continue to do all the work.

 

Shouldn't the woman pick up some of the slack? Is the relationship entirely the man's responsibility?

 

I say no. Any relationship worth having is a two way street.

 

That means that itshouldn't be one sided. And by one sided, I mean one person spilling his guts at every given moment.

 

Maybe it's her turn to make a move, don't you think?

[Mar]

My whole point is, why does there have to be a scoreboard? We don't know whether he's kissed her, how many dates they've gone on, etc. It's not "work" anyway, which is what you keep comparing it to. Yes, a guy USUALLY does all of these things first...but what's WRONG with that? Nothing. It's worked for millions of couples all over the world for centuries, so it can't be all bad....lol

 

Yes, it would be nice for you guys if a woman would take the initiative....but girls are generally a lot more shy and less self-confident in these things because they don't want to frighten off the guy they're interested in! And, like I said, plenty of women DO take that initiative....when it comes the the "feelings" portion of things, women are almost ALWAYS the ones to start hinting around at it first, possibly by just kidding around with the guy and him not picking up on the hints. Or they'll just come flat-out and say they're interested.

 

But what do you see on this board all the time? Someone, male OR female, saying they'd like to broach the subject of how they feel, but being afraid of rejection. It's safe to say there's not a whole lot of rejection in kissing someone or paying for a date or asking for a phone number, if you're asking someone you're getting clear signals from who's interested in you. (And keep in mind, women do the asking too, in many, many cases.)

 

All I'm saying is that, if someone, regardless of what sex, feels something strongly, they should tell the other person how they feel. It's a crapshoot....there's no guarantee until that second whether there's going to be rejection or not. But if a relationship's going well, and you KNOW it's going well, then why not just tell that person, even casually, that you really like spending time with them? How is that a "man" thing or a "woman" thing? It's not gender-biased, you CAN'T put that as a gender thing!

 

Mar

[phil1981UK]

Err, well thanks guys, now i'm more confused then I was to start with!

 

Basically, its been a month we been out maybe a dozen times, we have kissed, but I felt the last time we went out that she was a little distant, now I dont whether that was me just being paranoid or if I was right.

 

I have been in many relationships, am never desperate and have never felt like I do right now. After the last date I felt like I may be losing her, this may well be adding to my strong feelings, I dont know.

 

As for how I feel about how its going, I would say not as well as it was a few dates ago, so maybe I just want to go for broke, but i dont know.

 

Does this help?

 

Please dont fight over the whole girl/guy debate, just give me your honest opinions and why!

 

Thanks for your help so far.

[Ariba]

Amazing how you accuse me of being sexist and then make vast generalizations.

 

"It's worked for millions of couples all over the world for centuries, so it can't be all bad....lol"

 

- sexist

 

"but girls are generally a lot more shy and less self-confident in these things because they don't want to frighten off the guy they're interested in!"

 

- sexist

 

"women are almost ALWAYS the ones to start hinting around at it first,"

 

- a sexist generalization. Obviously not the case for this poster.

 

"It's safe to say there's not a whole lot of rejection in kissing someone or paying for a date or asking for a phone number, if you're asking someone you're getting clear signals from who's interested in you."

 

- ask any guy. There IS a FEELING of risk of rejection

- he's NOT getting clear signals. THAT's the problem!

 

"All I'm saying is that, if someone, regardless of what sex, feels something strongly, they should tell the other person how they feel."

 

- I agree. What I'm saying is that if he's laid his heart on the line by doing all of the aforementioned things (typically male role), maybe she could pull some of her weight in the relationship. Makes it more equal, don'tcha think?

 

"It's not gender-biased, you CAN'T put that as a gender thing!"

 

- OK. Allow me to make a minor revision to previous posts. Where I referred to males, change it to "pursuer." Where I said females, change it to "pursuee."

[Ariba]

As requested: Honest opinion here... Not related to gender.

 

If you feel she's becoming more distant, give her some space. She just might need it.