Trying to help

[badburnz]

Gday.Okay.Curly one.Theres this girl I work with.Shes been at my work for about two years and could probably be called (uncharitably) one of the odd ones.To be honest Ive had very little to do with her until one day I noticed she was looking real miserable.When I commented on this she told me she had not been feeling too good recently and had been put on antidepressants by her parents.I took a few moments to listen to her problems and lend a shoulder,told a few stupid jokes and left feeling good about myself because she seemed a lot more cheerful.Truth be told I really dont dig being around unhappy people,so over the course of the next few months I made sure I would stop and chat to her if I had the opportunity see how she was doing,that sort of thing,because I had noticed that she really didnt seem to talk to many people around the place and that she sort of ran around being really cheerful until she thought no-one was looking,when she would generally start looking sad again.One day as I did my semi regular welfare visit (that sounds really bad) she showed me the scars on her arm where she had carved the words "I hate myself".

This gave me a fright.She went on to tell me that she pretty much had no social life and spent all her time sitting alone in her room.Breaching the topic tactfully I asked if she was recieving any help.She was but she said it didnt help.

Its probably a real stupid thing to do,but I felt sorry for her so I made an effort to be a hell of a lot more friendly from that point on.It seemed to me that she was clearly real unhappy,but it seemed like noone else noticed.

I started asking questions(tactfully) about her life,what she got up to, that sort of thing,just to maybe help her think a little better of herself,maybe draw her out of her shell a little.Truth be told I thought she could use a friend.

I think this may have backfired.She told me recently that she feels more comfortable with me than her therapist.I seem to have become her unofficial counsellor.

I dont mind this.The girl needs a friend,but I really dont quite know where to go from here,because I really have nothing in common with her and the general gist I get from her is that I am the only person she talks to aside from her mum.Worse than this,Ive kind of figured out why shes got no friends in the first place.She seemed like a sweet person with a low self opinion and she is but she is also closed minded,bigoted and I think probably a spoiled little brat.

I dont care-she is what she is,but I dont really want to be her best friend and at the same time I dont want to hurt her by pulling away when I am obviously the only meaningful social contact she has had in a long time.Incidentally shes doing well.She cheerfully informed me that she hadnt cut herself in a month the other day.What the hell am I supposed to do here?

[DREAM]

Just do what your normally are doing be there for her, no one telling you to socialize with her or anything like that, just be a friend but at the same time back off a little. Talk to the gal and make her laugh, but don't over do it. Like I said just do what you normally do

[Princess777]

Hello,

I agree with Dream... don't commit yourself too much, this girl sounds like she needs professional help... I would definitely keep it a work relationship and that is it..... once you start doing things or chatting outside of work, things can get very sticky in a situation like this.... you don't want to lead her to thinking that she can call on you all hours of the night.. It sounds like she has a major set of Samsonite luggage that she needs to work through... the cutting herself is not a good sign! Urge her to go to a doctor of some sort!

Princess777

[kseyerlein]

Remind her that do work with her and that you do enjoy having chats with her and are glad that your fiendship is of help to her but let her know that you are concerned that her therapist is not helping her and if that is the case then she should find a new therapist. But she should continue with the one she has until she locates another for her own safety. Let her know you care about her well being and that a good therapist would be very benefical instead of a hinderance.

I also agree to keep it a work related friendship.

If she should ever ask of your attachments tell her kindly if you are not in a relationship that you are working on yourself at this time to be ready for the person who will some day be the one and that you feel that is the best thing for you and she might possibly want to do the same in her life to be ready for mr. right.