suicidal / homicidal thoughts could use advice

[carbine]

thx for clicking i have two questions , i have been going thrugh a lot latly , my g/f cheated on me , i have been cutting myself worse then usual i cant get enouph, im pretty much obsessed , i have dreams , flashes , and desires to kill people , for a while i stoped feeling the killing desire but it came back and i dont enjoy anything that i used to , the best parts of my day are when my parents go to bed and i can be bymyself and no one talks to me but these are the times i cut myself , i can hardly eat or sleep i have like one meal a day and i usually force my self that , i feel like i have no one to turn to absolutly no one ! my question is does anyone think its a bad idea to tell my mom she is probly the best choice but she still callls me her baby i would hate to tell her everything, i dont like my dad very much he flips out over the stupidest stuff , but at least he doesnt hit me , my sis or my mom , so any ideas on what to do ? and my second question is does anyone know any songs that might resemble my prob or might help me out ? music usually makes me feel better if i can relate

 

thx for reading this far and if you post

[in_the_mirror]

i really think you should tell someone. if your ma still calls you her baby she would prolly still want you to be that instead dead or in jail. you really need to talk to someone that is the only way you can be helped.

[Mar]

Carbine, I'd STRONGLY suggest you tell your mom....I'm glad you even consider doing so, since you're obviously hurting. I'm guessing you're a teen, and this is a LOT of stuff to deal with on your own, as you're discovering. Your mom might freak, but you also have no doubt she loves you.....that love will help you.

 

Talk to her. Try not to be too too graphic, but tell her that you're very unhappy and take pleasure in cutting, don't eat, are depressed....and ask her to get you the help you need. No one should go through what you're going through alone, absolutely NO ONE.

 

As far as music goes....depends on what you like to listen to. I'd avoid the depressing "Staind" type stuff, it's good music but he's always down. Try something like Dave Matthews, or an instrumental group like Bela Fleck and the Flecktones....it's bluegrass-type stuff, but mellow and has some great tunes.....

 

But please talk to your mom, and ask for the help. She loves you and will give it to you, and we'd all like to see you keep on posting here!

 

Mar

[Anamarie89]

I have a friend that used to cut. She has scars all up and down her arm, and a few on her neck.

 

I don't suggest telling your mom. I suggest telling a counselor at school or telling your mom that you need a psychiatrist. Your mom will probably ask why, but you don't have to tell her. In fact, you probably shoudln't because you don't have a very good bearing on the situation. You need somebody trained to handle it, because otherwise it might just lead to more hurt.

 

You probably don't like the idea of telling a complete stranger your scariest feelings, but while your mother might give you some antiquated cliches, ("suicide is for cowards" or "my poor baby! i had no idea!") a counselor will be more empathetic and help you get to the root of the problem. And she or he will be able to tell your mtoher for you.

[Mar]

I have to say I disagree........Anamarie, how would your mother feel if she was the last to know?

 

A parent is the FIRST person that should be aware of the difficulties their child is having, regardless of what the problem is. They have the emotional and financial support their child needs. Carbine can certainly also go to a counsellor, but his parents are the ones best able to give the help. They are the ones who know him and love him, and who can offer the best solutions as to who he sees, what counselor is best for him, what they can afford, etc.

 

I still say: tell your mother! Of course it will be hard, but she'll appreciate that you had the trust to tell her, as will your father. No parent should have to find out what emotional traumas their child is going through secondhand, and, judging from the sound of it, you have a wonderful support system and a source of love in your mother......TELL HER.

 

Mar

[musicguy]

Carbine, bro, you have to tell someone, whether it's your mom, dad, a friend, anyone at school. I know things are rough. My fiancee temporarily broke up with me since Sunday night and I felt like crap and I wanted to kill myself, but the good people here at ealone and at link removed told me that I need to get professional help and I'm actually going get help. People have told me that suicide is a selfish act and ya I'm a cutter..you need break that habit if you can. Go to a therapist tho, it's for your own good and the good of ur family. People love you and care for you...so stay alive.

 

musicguy

[carbine]

thank you everyone for replying , im probly going to talk to my mom soon i have no idea how im gonna tell her though or if i should leave some stuff out ,i dont think i can do it , i cant even plan out what im going to say to her in my head , how am i supposed to say that i get flashes of killing people and myself ,musicguy we have been loosly keeping in touch im really sorry to hear about your fiance , im sure she'll come around mar its so cool to see you reply to my topic i see your posts all over enotalone its awesome to see you read and replyed to me , ill do my best to talk to my mom ,ive never been so scared before , i tried talking to my bestfriend (so called bestfriend) he is like the last person i'd ever talk to friend my beep , i posted about him once how i was fed up with the lack of anything torwards me , i'm gettign some information on a child pchiciatrist i dont really know what she does but my friend went to her when his mom was worried he was crazy (very long rediculous story) hopefully he'll bring the info to me today , he doesnt know why i want it dont want to ell him either , should i call and find out what this lady can do she'll probly charge me but maybe i could get her to help me out , or should i just straght out tell my mom , mar i know you think i should but i dont know if i can ,anyway if anyone who posted is reading this then you are checking up on my post so thank you so much ,

[Mar]

Hon, think of what happens if you DON'T tell your mom...or, like musicguy said, someone you at least trust with this. It's only going to get worse. You know those feelings you're having are getting more intense....what do you think's going to happen if you just leave it be?

 

I can't even comprehend telling my mom something like that. But you have a major point in your favor. Your mother LOVES YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. She would slay dragons for you, swim accross an ocean for you, starve herself so you can eat. Yes, she'll initially be upset-you know why? Because she didn't see the signs. Not her fault-parents don't THINK to generally look for these kinds of things. But no matter how you phrase it, what you leave out or put in, she'll know the basic fact: that you need the help desperately, and that you trusted her and her love enough to ask her for that help. And if she loves you like I think she does, she'll do everything in her power to make sure you get it. Don't worry so much about upsetting her-she'll be WAY more upset if you can't control this on your own and do something foolish, which is what we ALL want to see you avoid.

 

Talk to her, hon. If you're not comfortable doing it around your dad, ask your mom if you and her can go somewhere quiet, just the two of you, because you have something you need her help with. Once you get to that spot, take a deep breath and just tell her flat-out: "Mom, I'm having a really hard time with the thoughts I'm having, depression, loneliness, rage, hurting myself-and I don't know how to control it." Let her know that you really want to have professional help before it gets worse, and the effect it's having on you, such as not eating and never being happy. She's your mother, she will do ANYTHING she can, within her power, to get that help for you. Not to mention that she'll SO appreciate that you came to her with this instead of harming yourself or someone else further.

 

Do this for yourself and for the people that care about you, Carbine. Yes, it's hard-but it will be so much harder if they lose you, and you have SO much you haven't experienced yet, seen, felt, all of the good things (and the bad, but that's just part of life) that life has to offer. Don't let those million different experiences escape you because you're afraid now. You have too much to live for, and too many people who love you.

 

 

Mar

 

[rockgrl26]

I am going thru the same thing and i have cut before. but the homicidal and suicidal thoughts are bothering me a lot too. Im going to go to the ER and get some help. My depression and anxiety are just killing me. It sucks. if you dont feel comfortable with telling your mom you can always go to a mental crisis center or the ER and they can help you. hope to hear from you cuz its nice to know you have someone to talk to that feels the same way.

~corina

[chutia1]

I mean it is good to see I could finally speak to people about the thoughts that have beeen rushing my mind constantly. Lately suicide has only come to mind if homicide does as well. I mean a year ago or so I cut myself a few times in depressed drunkness and immediately things kept getting worst. I went to a pshyciatrist on my parents and Uncles request. I went and I told her all my problems yet no resolve, because all my problems are directly related with my parents and they arent about to change their backward pigs. The country in the world that is having the most economic and political problems is where they are from. I mean they will be wrong and they will yell hit curse until you beieve what they say. And then if someone else tells them that I was right well they listen and when we get home they physically kmentally and physically abuse me. Why didn't I get better hmmm maybe because whie undergoing therapy my mother father brothers would abuse me call me crazy a lunatic, to go cutmyself jump off a bridge. They abused me for things directly related to my problem and daily every night my pillow would be wet as a sponge becuz of my tears. I have no friends at all, I have become alone after last year mainly I left all my friends because none was loyal. New friends in college I wished my parents do not allow me to have a social life and im about be 21. I cant leae the house, date women, I mean im still a virgin i dont want to be but its only school then directly home. Last time I came home too loate I slept on a bench in a park while it snowed. Once my father was confronting me and I was getting heated up and acted rebellious they beat me all of them My brothers and father put me through the wall literally! together and choked me and kicked me out. My father would take all my savings and threaten to never give it to me or set my money on fire. My mother commitied suicide like 5 months ago it was failed. Shes sick of my father too she took 7 xanax and like 8 musle relaxants. I mean caried her to the car when we rushed to the hospital. She could hear and speak slurred but my father the whole ride called my uncles and cousins cursing saying they gave him a crazy wife that hes gonna leave her he sick of us. but anywayys now that I have a lumpsome of money he is trying toi play games to get me to give him the money. I mean lately the only suicidal thoughts I get is after I have murdered many many people if i am apprehended then I will put a bullet in my head rather then face prison. I did have one authentic suicidal thought a few days ago I was driving and felt like speeding into the barriers on the suspended highway and fall to my demise but..... at least I will be free. All my life ive heard im black ugly fat and a I ve been beat to broken bones by children in the neighborhood and my parents refuse to move. Ive been assaulted by kids in the area for 13 years of my life, there hasd been times Ive had surgery done due to broken nose. Kids in scool made fun of because of my race my looks my penchant to learning. I became a wise guy in High school I made a name and was a bully but I never bullied the weak i bullied the teachers and popular kids who would cause injustice. I have been wanting to kill for a long period now, I dont do it because im afraid not of getting caught but of the numbers I can actually kill that is what I am afraid of. I may die lonely and old or die a criminal who caused many tradgedy's to society but guess what...IT IS SOCIETYS FAULT so they will be the FIRST to GET IT. My point is why do you push people in to a corner where all they can do is act or their life and take yours. The other day im in the back of my car my older and younger brother in front and as I am ignoring their verbal abuse I dongt know why btut why ME. I saw A HAMMER ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO MY SEAT GRABBED IT AND GOD KNOWS! HOW BAD I WANTED TO PUT IT THROUGH THEIR HEAD. I DONT TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT MY PROBLEMS BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I DID EVERYONE FOUND OUT AND I WAS TREATED WORST. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[Jeen]

Your anger is scary, it sounds like you are angry at the world, there is no excuse if you hurt someone out of anger, it is only acceptable if it is done out of self-defence and you have use the minimum force to get away from your attacker. Best would be for you to walk away when someone makes you angry. You need to get professional help before your anger go's to far, and you do something you will regret later. Please don't let the world win after you have been sow strong for sow long. You are bigger than there insults.

[prettily]

It's hard to tell people things, but I think you should tell your mom, too. She will probably want to help you. A lot of parents are oblivious to the fact that their kid is having a problem or whatever, unless you say something or it gets so severe that they can't help but notice (like with me).