Jump to content

is it too early for dating?

Recommended Posts

i'll be straight to the point... my fiance and i of 2.5 years broke up a couple months ago. since then, i've found out that he started dating one of our friends even before we were broken up. i work with him and ever since i found that info out, i've held it against him. so i've kept myelf busy with hobbies and things that i like to do.. without having to worry about someone else. but my question is .. is it too early to date someone else? i've got a lot of guy friends and we do things.. in a group as well as individually but i don't really consider those dates. i have met a few people online and even plan to meet some of them in person but i don't know what to think. i still have some feelings for my ex because he was my first true love and at 21, it's hard to picture myself without the person that i was going to marry. so is there really a specific time that a person should wait before they start dating or is it just up to me and how i feel?

Link to comment

lol.......you sort of did the whole "Catch-22" thing there. You're angry because he's dating someone else, but in the next breath you're wondering if it's okay to date.....


Yes, it's okay. You can't hold it against him that he looks at things differently than you, and felt that it was the right time to start dating again. Same for you. It's been the same amount of time, and you're wondering if it's alright. Answer? If you're okay with it and can put your heart into it honestly and completely with whatever innocent guy who doesn't know your past, then yes, it's fine to date. But ONLY, I think, if you know you're ready, so that poor guy doesn't end up in the dust because you freaked and suddenly realized you WEREN'T ready! And I realize this is a hard thing to judge until you're actually IN the situation, but you have to get your feet wet at some point.


Start out slowly.....go on a couple of dates, no heavy commitments, until you know you're having a good time with the guy you're with, with no feelings of remorse or regret that you can't enjoy it without thinking of your ex. "Test the waters", in other words. If that's alright....keep going.....lol If you find some great guy, then go for it! You have to move on at some point, and 21 is way too young to cut yourself off from the dating scene!



Link to comment

It may seem he moved on quickly after breaking up with you, but you have to realize that he already had started to drift away from you before the break up, so he had more time to move on, and also because he fell out of love with you (if it was there to begin with) his heart didnt get hurt as much.


Now, lets get to you, two and a half months have gone by, do you feel ready? have you healed completely? if so than go for it, its not a matter of time but of mending. some people only take weeks, others may take years. its really up to you to know if your ready or not.


from the sounds of it, id say your ready, those feelings you still have are for the dreams un-realized, its not him you miss, but your image of him, the person you are in love with, the one you think you knew, doesnt exist.


You feel sorrow for what "might have been" but that wasnt reality.


Once you come to accept that, it will be easier to let go. and you know whats really great? when you find out that later you'll have those same dreams and wishes again, but with a man that will make them real!


so go for it.

Link to comment

thanks to all that posted. i think i am ready... i mean, like i said, i have been on a few dates and have not regretted any of them. i enjoy having fun and not worrying about if that person is going to be cheating on me because none of those dates were serious, you know? but as far as my ex, it's still hard to to think about all that he did to me or the history that we had because we work at the same place. there will be times when i just want to say hey but then again... i don't want to be the one who gives in... because i should be furious about this whole ordeal. does that make sense?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...