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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and everything was going pretty good until the past month or so. My boyfriend was born in another country but has been living in the US for 6 or 7 years. When I started dating him he told me he wanted to live in the US. I was really worried about the issue. I knew there would come a time when he would want to go back to his country because I knew how much it meant to him. That day has come but worse than I expected it. He went back to his country, supposedly. He told me he had to get some things straightened out there (his family was having some issues).


I was okay with it at first but when he couldn't tell me when or if he was coming back things took a turn for the worse. I got really mad and broke up with him. I felt that if he loved me he would be able to tell me he was coming back...at least if I were in his situation I would tell him that I would do everything in my will to return for him. The other factor in my decision was that when he went to visit other times, he never contacted me. He told me there was no email there. I knew there was so I accused him of lying, he denied it repeatedly.


Now I am at a point where I don't know if everything he's said to me has been a lie because he straight-out lied to me and told me he has no reason to lie to me. Maybe this is a bit of stalker mentality but I called him last night, blocking my number, to see if he had even went to his country (a friend of ours said that he didn't leave and he is still here) but he hasn't contacted me or anything.


What do you think? I really love this guy and he has told me he loves me, too. I just can't figure out if he is a LIAR or just an occasional liar.

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Okay......first of all, it's very hard to pin down an exact or even close time of return to the US if one is having family difficulties. I live in the US, my folks are 2 hours away, and I have a hard time telling my friends when I'm going to be available to hang out, when they're 10 minutes away, due to things that have happened with my family! I have no idea what the seriousness of the "family issues" you spoke of is, but generally, if it's bad enough that he has to return to his country, it's BAD. And if that's the case, it's near impossible to give a set or even close time of return, since he most likely has no idea which way things are going to go from day to day or even hour to hour.


He lied about there being internet there? Does he have it in his home, or is it just available in one of those internet cafes you see popping up all over the place? This has to be taken into consideration as well. (And I realize it sounds as though I'm completely siding with him, but I'm not-merely offering possible alternatives to what you're thinking. It's what I do. ) And if his family issues are big ones, he might possibly not have the time to run to a cafe and wait for a computer to open up, if he doesn't have one at home, or if someone at home isn't already using the computer. (A stretch, I know.)


Point being: don't get angry at him over the whole "not being able to give you a time" thing......I HATE when people try to pin me down to a specific time for something, unless I know 100% I'll be able to commit to it and not let anyone down. This, I suspect, is the case with him.


He MAY have lied about the internet thing-but also think about what he's going through over there. He has his family undoubtedly putting pressure on him to relieve some of those family issues, and then has you pressuring him as to when he's going to return to the US, possibly with the unintentional guilt trip that you mentioned of "If you loved me you'd tell me." PLEASE don't take this as harshly as it sounds, I'm just trying to offer possible answers as to why he may not be so communicative!


Relax, and give him a chance to sort things out. I don't know how old you two are, but I'm guessing rather young. At a younger age, and without the bitter experience of hardships behind you, dealing with large amounts of stress and trying to solve problems you're not used to solving take its toll on a person. Been there, done that.


Give him a chance. Support him and just tell him that you love him and hope he's alright, and don't bring up his coming back. Be positive and show him you care, and let him know he can vent to you if needed, instead of worrying about your wants for a little while. If he STILL "avoids" you, then yes, you have some worrying to do, since obviously communication is key in a relationship. But give him this chance first, and let him know that one area of his life, YOU, is secure and something he can count on as stable and there for HIM.



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