I've fallen in love with a married man

[icecastle]

this is extremely complicated...i hate to use the term "it just happened" but that is exactly it. When I first realized i had feelings for him, i did my best to stay at a distance hoping that it was just a passing thing (I've been divored for some time now) however we had to attend some events together and i received vibes from him... needless to say, he has feelings for me also. to the point that we both think we are falling in love with each other. neither one of us have ever done anything like this but when i ask him why he is doing this he can't explain...all he says is that his marriage wasn't bad but then if it wasn't bad why is he doing it...he said he has been attracted to me for some time. As stupid as it sounds, we can read each others minds most of the time and usually finish each others sentences. We make time to see each other every day he tells me he loves me all the time and i can also see it in his eyes and in the way he kisses and touches me... We have never slept together but it is very likely to get to that point. I don't want to get hurt, I sure he loves his wife, can he love both? Even two of his kids have asked him that if he wasn't married to their mom - would he be married to me. .. please help me I feel like this is truly the first time I've been in love .... I am 40 and he is 38

[Guest]

I can't stress enough how much I think you should not[\b] interfere in his marriage. He is married, so he should be off limites. Sure, maybe he has told you these things, but the truth is, you shouldn't interfere in what they have going. He has kids, he needs to be there for him. I feel you should stop seeing him and let him live his life without you.

[icecastle]

even tho he initiated it --- I don't know what is wrong in his married but obviously there is something --- I guess I don't see how I am interferring with the marriage, he is the one who is having problems in it. We started off as best friends...now things have changed but i do know that I am not the reason something is wrong in his marriage

[Guest]

Hi IceCastle I understand your situation. If you ask me, I really think that if a man or woman looks beyond their marriage in any way, than something is indeed wrong with the marriage.

 

I think, you need to really evaluate how important this person is to you and how compatible the both of you are. If he leaves his wife for you, will he be more happier with you?

 

More importantly, do you really feel, this is the right person for you?

 

In my opinion if both of you whole heartedly think you are right for each other and being with each other will make you happy

 

I think you should pursue this relationship. Life is too short, you must pursue what you believe in.

[marthasunny]

Hi! I've been there. I fell in love with a "married" man. He was one of my best friends for years. When I made a list of what I wanted in a relationship, he fulfilled all of those qualities. I don't think that I could have asked for more. I never thought that I could find someone better. The only problem was that he was taken.

 

I never thought that I would find myself attracted and in love with an unavailable man, but guess what? It happened. Then all I could think of was how to get him to love me back. Irregardless of how he felt about this other woman or the fact that he was officially with her.

 

I understand where you're coming from. I didn't understand where my friends where coming from when they told me that I should stop all contact with this man. I thought that he was my happiness and what we did felt so good. I had no idea why so many people adviced me against being in love with him; I was thinking with my feelings.

 

The problem is that sometimes an individual has to act in ways that are completely unfair and that make you miserable. There's some type of higher good out there and some things that you're supposed to do even if they really hurt. Married men are off limits even if it's hard to see it that way. Even if every once of your body is telling you to stay with this guy, you have to stop all contact. It's thinking about things from a different level- understanding that sometimes you have to go against what you want- for the good of some person who you might not even know (like his wife).

 

I'm sorry! Realizing this fact of life for me was incredibly difficult, and I was in an incredible amount of mourning for quite some time. Yet, today, I feel like a stronger person... like a more moral person.... like someone who did not what was in her best interest but what was right.

[sana555]

i agree with myadviceforyou.

go for your love if you truly believe that this is love and not just a fling; otherwise, many years! down the road you'll be hurt.

set the rules right away, otherwise you'll be trapped in promises and doubts.

you should also realize that it's a very rough and long road to be together which might make it or break it for you. but i don't believe that true love happens to everybody or often.

[msphatbooty]

you know it is funny we ask for advice but it is very rare that we take it. we usually do what we want anyway. i have been in alot of very bad relationships, and i have been in a relationship with two married men (the first guy lied i didnt know he was married). I am not one of those women who seek married men, it just happened as you say. i can say one thing eventhough i knew the guy was married we were together for a year and a half and i have never been treated so good in a relationship. i felt like i was a princess. the relationship was very open and honest, i mean we had nothing else to hide i already knew he was married. like i said being with him was wonderful he was wonderful i was constantly being showered with i love you's and hugs and kisses (something i am not used to). but things started to go bad when i wanted him all for myself i didnt want him to go home to her anymore, i didnt want him sleeping in the same bed with her, i just wanted me and him. so then he gave me the spill about staying there for his daughter, i said bring her too. i love that little girl just as much as he did. but he never wanted to move away he kept putting me off. so what i think is if this man makes you happy then that is very wonderful, but at some point you will want him all for yourself and i think you should find out if that is a possiblity because if not then you have to make the decision do you really want to grow old being someones mistress or do you want someone to grow old with you.

i wish you all the love your heart and your hands can hold!!!!