Trying to understand breakup. Need Input.

[Down-In-A-Hole]

Hello all,

 

I have recently gone through a breakup from a 3-month relationship. I have passed the grieving stage (due to the relationship being so short) and I am now trying to look back on why the breakup happened - for future reference. This is where you all come in. Here goes:

 

We started off fantastic, as do most relationships, and were both extremely happy and we were spending a lot of time together. After about a month of this, she felt like she needed more personal time and space. So, being a good boyfriend (or maybe a naive one), I gave her the reigns of the relationship and let her decide when we would get together during the weeks. Time passed and we would see each other pretty often (albiet less than before) and everything "seemed" cool. However, during this time, i noticed that she was less physical (i.e. holding hands, cuddling, etc) and she seemed to get irritated more easily. This was not good.

 

So, we broke up two months into the relationship with us both agreeing it was not working.

 

Three days later and after a big discussion we were back together. Once again, I gave her the reigns to the relationship. This time, however, she was always with me and being extremely loving. She would talk about moving out to the state I am moving out to in a year (after college) so we could be close to each other, etc. Everything seemed good.

 

Then, disaster struck and she went into the "personal time" mode again...putting me and our relationship on the backburner. This was near our 3-month marker and I just called it quits because I was tired of the constant ups and downs. She seemed happy with the decision too.

 

So, looking back, I just feel confused as to why it happened (not in a sad way, but in a curious way). Has anyone experienced this kind of behavior with their boyfriends/girlfriends? Does anyone have any ideas?

 

Thanks a lot!

[enadevoli]

its possible that she just isnt ready for a long term commitment. you see her a lot when you first start dating, but then she wants her space after awhile. anything is possible, but i think it just has to do with a person & what they prefer. i know my best friend likes being around someone every second of the day, but i like having alone time every once in awhile. its hard for me to say though because my bf goes to school an hour away, so i only see him about once a week, even though i would like to see him more, i think the space is good.

[mexmickey]

You know this reminds me of a movie i read... especiall the whole coincidence of 3 month intervals...

 

Extremely loving --> moderate --> to disappearing

 

I dont' remembet the name of the movie, but the girl was bi-polar. It could be (and lets hope it isnt) a phychological state she is in. Bi-polarism is serious and does harm many relationship. If you love her enough, you can get past this, but it going to be sooooooo hard. Look online for a better defenition of what it means to be bi-polar, because i only learned it in intro to psych and i dont really know how to explain it. But its like people have cycles of feeling about themselves and others that they go thrue. It can be daily, monthly or seasonal. They tend to go thru cycles of opposite extrema... just totally psycho but they can't control it. THey have pills for it now, but lets just hope that she isn't bi-polar. Talk to her parents about her behavior, to see if maybe they notice it and you may need to request proffessional help.

 

Best of Luck to You