Hes doesnt want it but i do?

[xXIceIceBabyXx]

well i have been 9 weeks pregnant not so long ago and i told my bf that i was and she freaked out and got paranoid. He kept making jokes about but i think that was his way of coping, but my problem is we were talking about the baby and what we want and he said

 

"This isn't something I like to dwell on. Really, it is the worst possible timing and something that happened as a result of passion and carelessness. It's not that I don't want kids, it was just definitely not the right time and we're still growing as a couple."

 

And i wanted to keep it but im not sure by having the abortion i did the right thing. I know i only had it done because i didnt want to lose him and i knew he didnt want it, but was it right?

 

please help me

[HappyAsALark]

I think that it was a wrong decision if you did do it to only keep him. I am sorry if that sounded mean, but it was your decision as well.

 

Now the only thing you can do is cope with this and be more careful!!

[Tethys]

You must be in a lot of pain right now, judging from your post. Please don't beat yourself up over your decision. You were basically getting no support from anyone, including your boyfriend, and you sound very young.

 

You have a whole life ahead of you now, and there will be time to do all the things you want to do, including children.

 

I know you wanted that child now, but it sounds as though it just wasn't feasible at the moment. It's not a question of what's right or wrong at this point. What's done is done. You did what you had to do, and you should feel no shame. Focus on your own life now, recover, and move on.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

[HarleyHunny]

Please get some counseling......all 3 of you are in my prayers...(((hugs)))

[TheSmilingTurnip]

When we do things that go against our grain for another person and not really for ourselves, the result is usually painful. We cannot make decisions because we are afraid that someone will leave us if we don't do what they want us to. We truly don't have control over their actions - we might do what they want and they will leave us anyway.

 

Honey, maybe you did do the wrong thing...for you. You regret having done this now and I sense that you are in a lot of pain. I haven't been in your shoes, though I certainly have done things I regret in order to keep a significant other around.

 

The only thing I can tell you is this -- please do not beat yourself up. Please do not judge yourself too harshly. If you deem that you made a mistake, remember that mistakes are how all human beings learn. Especially when it comes to relationships and what we are willing to tolerate or not tolerate.

 

Beating yourself up about it now, or treating yourself harshly, will not change the past and it definitely won't help your future. What will help your future is to figure yourself out...to figure out how you'll amend your behavior in order to treat yourself in a way that you would like to be treated. That means following your heart, your conscience, and loving yourself through your mistakes. Do you know what I mean?

 

You have had this experience now...examine it but don't use it to hurt yourself; think about what you might do differently next time, what will be more loving toward yourself.

 

I hope this is helpful. Hugs, Sheila

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Personally, I feel you should not have had an abortion in deference to him. What he said would have been could have been a potential dealbreaker for you. Maybe it was really bad timing but he should have manned up and accepted his responsibilities. Even if he didn't want to, you still could have done it by yourself. You said you wanted to keep it. You didn't feel it was right, so it wasn't right. I'm not putting you down or anything, because it seems you were under pressure from him. But I'd take a long hard look at the relationship because he should have been supportive whether he wanted a baby at this time or not. Since you didn't want to have an abortion you possibly will end up resenting him later.

 

Good luck.

[dougie]

Isn't it funny when your looking for support, it usually comes from the people you would least expect it from, and the people you thought would be understanding fall short.

 

I know I have been in almost the exact same situation as you. Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. Its alright to say that the man should toughen up and deal with the situation, but we are not talking about loosing a job that can be solved pretty quick. We are talking about a life changing situation. We are often a bit too judgemental on our mates. i am even guilty of that. When my husband and I fell pregnant a year ago this month. I wanted the baby, but he was terrified. We talked, yelled and I even went away to think about what I should do. I wanted to keep it and I wanted him to all of a sudden be overjoyed and get right into it with me. But we live in the real world girls. Yes there are men out their that it doesn't seem to phase them. But the ones who are phased by it, are sometimes judged unfairly.

 

My only advice is BE CAREFUL, if you know you or your partner are not ready, for GOD"S SAKE be careful. It is a horrible lesson to learn having to go through this kind of ordeal. I will never forget it. I regret it absolutley. Yes it hurts, but I am slowly learning its not the end of the world. i asked God for forgiveness and apparently i am forgiven. Although forgiving myself is a lot harder.

 

Ever since we went through this experience together. We have learnt a lot about each other and we have grown from it. Just last week my husband said that he definatley wants to have a baby with me, but he is still getting his head around it and it might be a little while before he is ready to start. i live for that moment. Cause not only will I be overjoyed, but i will know that he is 100% behind me and wanting this as well. It wont be so scary, because he is with me all the way.

 

Although I do regret it, I also know I made the right decission at the time, But I seriously regret falling pregnant, cause truth be told, i didn't do too much to prevent it. That is the lesson I have learned. And to be honest you will need to get some help. So see if their is a councellor you can talk to. Friends and family really dont understand and although you feel comfort from venting your emotions, it not likely they will or can give you suggestions on how to move on.

 

I pray for you honey...