Have I messed things up too bad to make it right again?

[Dannyjo]

Hello all.

I need some advice and input on how I should handle my brokenheart.

My ex ended our 4 yr relationship 8 months ago, she called me up one

evening and told me she was not happy. Reflecting back on everything, I know I treated her very wrong at times. I cheated, lied, held back emotionally but I was scared too. I can not blame her for dumping me now as I reflect. A man has many ways of showing his love and I waited too long and expected too much.

We had broken up several times before and I would usually beg her back, but this time I thought before I leaped. I know I hurt her too much.

I would beg her back again no as I still love her, but like a fool I involved myself in another womans life. I know I am a real loser, but I had to take my mind away from her. NOw I am still dating her and I spend alot of nights over her place and she is great but I now realize what I lost in my ex. My ex was a friend, we had fun, she was smart, sexy, loving, beautiful.....I see her alot as we work in the same building and at times I see her when I am with my new gf in social gatherings. I comapre and it is so bad. Ironically, 1 months after dhe dumped me she came to my home crying, telling me she loved me. I told her that I met this woman afterwards I did not know what to do or say. I just do not want to hurt her, but I still love her dearly. NOw it has all died down and I hear from friends that she is happy, she is not dating anyone seriously and they say that she tells them leaving me was the best thing. When i see her she smiles and waves, as I do but I wonder if she is holding back. I know she must still feel something. I have messed it up too much to go back havent I? She would never accept me back after I have been dating this woman, plus I have hurt too many already. I just moved too fast, not thikning cleearly, I rebounded and now I pay. Please help, should I call her and tell her or just let her go , hoping one day she will call. She has called before about 3 months after our break-up but I acted like an ass. I am so stupid. What have I done!

[jaded4life]

Your situation sounds hauntingly familiar. I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago b/c he could not give himself to a commitment, only to find that 2 weeks later me met a woman and has remained with her. I have searched for answers to as why or what I did. I tried to be so dam good to him, but he used every inch of me spirit and body, that is not love. You sound very confused, sounds like you do not really want her to be happy, you want to be happy though. In my opinion you are self centered, emotional deceptive to both these women and you will get no sympathy from me. I believe that love will move mountains, think what you want about me or my advice, but you chose to do this, purposely or not!

You said you cheated and lied, why would you deserve this smart, sexy, loving, woman? You do not, sorry that you had to get to hear to realize it, but my heart goes out to her. To her I say, "You Go Girl", she deserves to be happy and what is so wonderful is that she does not need a man to do it as you needed a woman, that is strength! Grow up!, Get counseling, stop hurting people for you own needs!

[Realitybites]

Hey Dannyjo,

I've been at the receiving end of behaviour similar to yours. Incidentally, I've also behaved similarly towards an ex.

We all make mistakes, we hurt people, we say things we don't mean etc. But if you ask me, the biggest mistake of all is never apologizing. If you haven't yet, please do! Don't call - she might not want to talk about it or it might all go wrong. Write what you feel. Not to get her back, but just to let her know you can take responsiblity for the mistakes you made. It will probably not get her back, but it might release you from your guilt, and release her from her disappointment, probably anger. Once you work thru your guilt you might realize that's all you needed - forgiveness. We often think we love someone when all we need is for them to forgive us.

And by the way, you should consider having a good sincere talk to your present girlfriend. Your relationship might improve dramatically if you open up about your shortcomings. Chances are she already feels not all is right. As I said, we all make mistakes. You'd be inhuman if you didn't. But only a child runs away from the responsibility.

Good luck!