how can I try to get her back if she's with her ex

[sspaul]

I am wondering if anyone can give me some good advice? I am trying to get back with my ex girlfriend but it is impossible for me to talk to her because she went back to her ex boyfriend almost instantly after we broke up! They are with eachother 24/7 sleeping over and everything. I cant call or see her because they are always together. What can I do to get her to talk to me I have tried everything from text messaging and getting no responce and I even sent her a letter and got nothing. I dont know what to do I love her so much. It has been a long six weeks for me and it doesnt even seem to bother her that we dont talk. I dont understand how she could spend 14 months with me and just go on like I meant nothing to her. I have figured out that she was never over her ex and that is most of the reason why our relationship failed but I am hopeing it doesnt work out between them so I can try to get her back. I just feel like there is nothing I can do and I am very hurt by her going back to him. Even though they are ex's I don't see how it can work for them because she went from me to him and plus the reasons why they broke up are still going to be there right? Isn't this a rebound thing? I am trying to be strong but I Love her so much and I want to show her how much I love her bbut it just is impossible right now with him around. What do I do. I am trying the no contact thing and I am working on myself but my feelings for her are so strong that it is so hard. It doesnt seem to bother her that I don't call anymore. What am I suppose to do wait around and hope they don't make it so she comes back to me. I know part of her misses me so I am trying to hold on to something here. Any advice would be great Thanks

[Blonde_Ambition3]

 

 

PLEASE sspaul! First of all.... You've asked a lot of hard questions to which I am going to address with a lot of hard answers that are founded on experience and expertise on this matter. None of which will be what you want to hear, but hear you MUST!

 

Relationships are complicated at best... impossible at worst. I'm more concerned about YOU than I am about your ex because she APPEARS to be OK with the split while you're anything BUT! As for the rebound thing... I believe YOU were HER REBOUND from HIM, and it really doesn't matter WHAT events cause a Relationship to come to an end, WHEN they do, WE MUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT NOT EVERYONE WE LOVE IS GOING TO LOVE US IN RETURN. The fact that she invested many months in a relationship with you does not a life long contract/committment make. Many People invest 20 years into relationships only to separate and/or divorce. It's just a sad, hard fact of Life. I realize you're in pain, and a large portion of that Pain is that you can't fathom how she can apparently remain so unaffected while you're finding it difficult to even function and go on! Your desire to "show her how much you love her" isn't a priority for her and shouldn't be an obsession for you. For your own sake you must deal with this decision she has made and move on in your Life. This IS harder than it sounds... I know. I've been here myself. I was with a Man 16 months who professed to love me on a daily basis until one day we got together and he simply announced out of nowhere that things were'nt working out and that he felt we should split. (I found out later he'd met a sweeter YOUNGER thing in one of the Bars he would frequent on his weekly "GUYS NIGHT OUT" thing.) This tore me to shreds... I locked myself in my room and just utterly fell apart. Didn't eat a bite of food for three days AND lost my Job! I thought I'd never recover, and I just went over and over again in my head WHY did this happen? He had really loved me I had thought. How could he NOT Love me when I had Loved HIM so much? Finally I came out of the Doom & Gloom stage with the profound realization that IRREGARDLESS of the whats & whys I had to live with the BECAUSE. We don't know WHY People do what they do in Love. We can't change FACTS but we can learn to live with them. IF this Woman left to return to a former Love you MUST let go and move on with your Life and forge bravely through your pain. You MUST accept that not everyone we love will love us in return for WHATEVER reasons. We can't change the reasons, but we can control HOW and to what DEGREE they AFFECT us. Has there ever been someone who loved you that for whatever reasons you didn't love in return? (Even tho' you should have?) Rejection hurts, and losing someone after a lengthy relationship is akin to death. You will grieve and mourn through this loss.

 

I have an ex who is STILL persuing me and trying to get back together after TWO YEARS of having separated. It rips my guts out when I see and hear his pain, but I'm powerless to change MY feelings towards him. I'm very much in love with a Man I met shortly before my ex and I separated. (There was much physical abuse in my previous relationship, so I had to leave as a means of personal safety in addition to a host of other reasons).... Irregardless of the WHYS... I don't HATE my ex, and I do think of Him from time to time. Your ex probably does think of you also, but none of this matters. What matters is that you must LEARN to accept that she has left you... for whatever reasons.... and move on in your Life. You can't CHANGE a thing doing with what you're doing now, and in fact, it's not good for you. Apparently she wasn't either. In time you'll realize this, and even though it doesn't feel like it now, you'll eventually meet someone else, who can love you to the degree that you love. Hopefully FOREVER.

 

I wish you the best, and this advice was given in love.