Advice and Help Needed

[LittleLisa]

Hello all

 

Recently I have been a complete pain in the . I have been really down moody and miserable. I have been to the doctors who have described me as having atypical depression and an anxiety problem. I have felt this way for a good few months now and I just really cannot be bothered to do anything. I also have no money as I am a uni student and no-one wants to employ me just for the summer.

 

However, my boyfriend just isn't being supportive and understanding (I feel). I always give him lifts when he needs them, we got to his mums and dads and I am more than polite and friendly. But when he comes to mine he always wants to be going out and about and planning trips when I just want to relax in the comfort of my own home (when I can be there!). However I relented and agreed to go out for the day. He then rang some campsites but as they were booked up I got the blame (I don't know what he expected really it is the bank holiday weekend). So we decided to go to a local park for the day. Things seemed fine today and I was having my bath to go.

 

When I got out he was gone! He wasn't going to leave me a msg, it was only when my sister's boyfriend heard the door going he asked wher he was going. He just said 'there's something I have to do. I will be back later.' This was about 6 hours ago and I haven't heard anything from him.

 

I just don't know where I stand. We have been together for around four years(ish) and usually have a really good relationship. But I am increasinly more and more stressed out by his selfish attitude and the fact I am in a financial mess.

 

I felt it was rude that he was just going to leave mine without telling anyone and more to the point I don't get why he just up-sticks and left.

 

What's going on?! What can I do if (and when) he returns without it leading to yet another row? Any advice would be great!

 

Sorry if it's too long there is a lot more info I could include but really didn't want to bore everyone.

 

Many Thanks

 

Lisa

[Lana0120]

I agree, that is pretty rude, as he didn't even plan to leave a note. It also seems bizarre, as he didn't even leave a note or anything. I would say, do what you want to do. If you want to settle down and watch a film, read a book or something, just do that. Make plans now, so you're not waiting around for him. I'd say, don't mention the fact that he went out for a while - see if he brings it up. If not, then bring it up and just say you felt it was a bit rude.

[LittleLisa]

Thanks Lana,

 

Do you think that it could be because he wants to end the relationship? He does seem really different with me and he did this last week too! It's only really when we are at my house and everyone is more then nice to him so I really don't understand it?!

 

We used to be really intense but recently I just feel as if his deliberately doing things to get on my nerves and make me angry.

 

I do love him, but I don't know if he loves me anymore.

[tylercdurden2004]

What did he do when he blamed you?

 

Is it possible he left to go get you a surprise?

 

I think there are many issues that are causing you to feel this way. Have you try to separate them and sort out which ones are related to him and which ones are related to you?

[LittleLisa]

I don't think it is a gift, he usually only gets those on events (anniversary, xmas birthday) I know I shouldn't have but I looked at his online bank account. He got a tenner out at a railway station so I guess his got the train somewhere but don't know where!

 

When he blamed me he said it was my fault as I didn't want to go and that I knew it would be booked up (because I said it's the kind of thing you have to book weeks before not days before).

 

When he went through a really rough period I sacrificed a lot for him (i didn't really bond wiht anyone in my first year of uni as I didn't stay in my halls so I could help him). When he decided he wasn't going tu sit his exams at the same time mine were I sacrificed my revision and got not as good grades as I could have to comfort him and help him through his next steps. These are many more examples. It just feels like now I need his help and support he really can't be bothered so does he not care? Should I assume the relationship is near end?

[tylercdurden2004]

Hmmm. I am leaning towards getting rid of this turkey. He blames you for "knowing" the campsites were booked? Sounds unreasonable to me!

[Lana0120]

The whole campsite thing sounds extremely unreasonable to me. I don't see how that could possibly be your fault! I think that yes, you would expect him to support you during tough times and to at least be able to compromise. On the one hand, you don't want to go out and on the other hand, he does. So, it seems fair to sometimes stay at home and sometimes go out, or agree to disagree and do what each one of you wants to do, separately. The fact that he is blaming you for things that aren't your fault, that he is being rude and thta you feel he is being unsupportive are things that don't bode well for your relationship. It could be that he just needs some space, or he could just be looking for a way out.