What's a Boy To Do?

[bluey]

Let me start first off by saying this forum and it's community are literally amazing I've been hear a few time when i needed advice and someone's always managed to answer and give me some good advise so yeah kudos to everyone hear

 

I'm going to try keep this a short and to the point but there might be allot to read!

 

OK to get straight to the point, theres a girl. I love her a hell of allot and i am 70% sure she loves me. She says she does at least. Together we've been threw so much as friends and in a relationship. I've known her for 3 maybe 4 years now. And we started dating about 4 or 5 months ago. We've been 2 breaks ups already. But have managed to get back together after both.

 

Like i said we've been threw allot her ex-bf treated her badly to say the least I'm not going into details but i think you get my drift. and as a result shes is quite messed up. She has very few friends because she doesn't like to go out. She stays in contact with him because he is pretty much the only other person she can talk to apart from me. She disappeard about a week ago for 3 days with her ex-bf. Her phone was off the whole time and she tells her he took the battery out and wouldn't let her have it back. She also says she never did anything with him. i trust her to some extent but i don't know.

 

OK so my problem. This is a very hard and tricky relationship to be in. She is distant. Sometime very distant. But i stick by her because i love her and i want to help her. But sometimes this is how i feel ](*,). She changes quickly. one minute we can be having the most amazing time the next she will be quite and just stares at the floor. If i press to hard about whats wrong she will turn it on me and make me feel like an idiot. She is distant we rarely cuddle or kiss but from what i have seen in the past she is like this with her BF's. I can deal with this and have been for a long time. But sometimes it gets the best of me and i feel like she doesn't love me or she wants to be with someone else. But nevertheless i stick by her.

 

We haven't had sex in a while and every attempt i make to be romantic and passionate gets pushed off. She has told me in the past she goes threw phases of not wanting to be touched or to have sex. This comes from her ex-bf i think. He really messed her head up. But i want to be a gd bf so i back off. We have also agreed to take this lose cause the last time we jumped in at the deep end and she ended up getting scared and dumping me. She says she does want to be with me and she does love me. So i stick by her.

 

Despite being distant i do generally have a really good time with her. And i enjoy the time i spend with her. We call each other and have hour phone calls and thats something I've never had with a girl. Also i find myself putting in allot of effort to make this work. Which is something i have never done before. I love to see her happy. i know everyone will say that about there GF but there is no way to describe how happy it makes me to see her smile and to laugh.

 

We have both said this relationship can work but sometime i fear it can't. She is a part of my life now so letting go would hurt beyone belief. So i would like some advice what do i do? Do i stick by her? Do i let her go? Do you think she really loves me?

 

Any advice would help me allot

 

(thought it'd add that as well cause its just awesome) thanks for reading!

 

Bluey

[Farin]

Stick by her. She's obviously a little 'messed up' due to her previous relationship. You love her. Could you not stick by her?

I'm a little messed up too to say the least. I have rapid mood swings and my boyfriend put up with them even though he often caught the FULL blow of them. He stuck by me because he loved me.

I think she does love you. She's just so jumbled right now that she struggles to always show it.

Stick by her. What's the worst that can happen? You'll end up spending a few extra months with someone you love?

[sj23]

Support her every needs. It's obviouse there's proof of emotional vulnerability, which in her case, needs someone like you. But don't forget to communicate with her. Also, make sure you really know that she can distinctly separate you from her ex... sometimes a bad relationship can screw the mind, and manipulate what is really important. Take her out miniature golfing, bowling, swimming, or some fun and crazy activity that she's not use to. Get her mind off her ex. It's healthy for her, and for your relationship. Plus, you get to see her smile, so its healthy for you as well.

[downward spiral]

Well, depending on how bad the ex treated can decide on what is going on with her. Its only been a few months and things are rocky. On again and off. She could have a personality disorder, like you say, one minute high, the next low. Something to think about. She could be scared as you say from how her ex treated her, another possibility. Or, she could just not be sure you are the man for her, you said you are only 70% sure, in love, that is not good odds. Its either 100% or doubts will arise. Just a plain fact. So, i say stick with her, but be caustious and watch the mood swings, watch what triggers them, if you find nothing does, it is all of the sudden, seek help for her. Although she wont want that kinda help initially and will not be happy. If things trigger the swings, what are they? then you can not do them anymore and hopefully she will learn to trust you more and open up. Good luck

[sj23]

She could have a personality disorder, like you say, one minute high, the next low. Something to think about. She could be scared as you say from how her ex treated her, another possibility. Or, she could just not be sure you are the man for her, you said you are only 70% sure, in love, that is not good odds. Its either 100% or doubts will arise. Just a plain fact. So, i say stick with her, but be caustious...

 

downward spiral has a point. "be cautious".