Need Advice ASAP

[cabbie]

Hi everyone. Sorry my post might be a little long, but thanks for reading! I appreciate ANY feedback you have!

 

Anyway, I need some helpful advice on what I should do in my current situation. Just to give you some background, my GF of 6 years (on and off) and I have been together since we were both 16. It was all great and dandy for the first couple of years - typical teenager love, ya know? I was the best thing that happened to her in a long time and I have always been polite, completely loyal, and supportive of her when she needed it.

 

But about 2 years ago, she cheated on me and had a one-night stand with some guy at her school. Her excuse was alcohol, which I totally nullify because that's BS all around! A week after she went through with this, she broke down and told me what happened that night and I was totally pissed and upset, but actually brought myself to forgive her. I mean, it was not an ongoing relationship w/ this guy, just a one-nighter (as if that's so much better, I know!).

 

OK, a month after that, she invited this guy from Canada that she spoke to online with and had apparently become good "friends" with. So she invited this guy to come and stay at the hotel accross the street from her apartments! Obviously I was dumbfounded and utterly confused. A couple of days before he arrived, she says the whole "we need to take a break" thing. So after a couple weeks, this guy left and I broke it off with her. I dated a girl while we were apart, but nothing that could be serious. So my ex called me one day and says that she is having a hard time dealing with it and would like to try to work together with "no strings attached". This worked for about a week until she said that she felt like I was using her! What the hell is wrong with you women sometimes? But anyway, I fell for it like a sucker and have been in an awkward and stand still something-that-looks-like-a-relationship ever since (about 1 year now). Fellas, don't EVER get sucked in with the whole "being used" line; just back away slowly and then run like hell.

 

Currently I have thought about just ending it and breaking her heart VERY soon. I am a graduating college student and she has not been in school for 3 years, no college! I have had two solid jobs in the past 6 years and she hasn't even had ONE in the past 3! We are quickly growing at diferent speeds and I need time to be alone and really focus on my life. I feel she would hold me back financially, emotionally, and personal freedom. Neither of my parents like her at all for cheating on me and they tell me she is a loser, will cheat, and not be good for me in the long run. So, our relationship is basically a secret from my whole family except my mother, whom I still live with, and I can't stand it anymore. She is very dependent on me in many ways and is very needy, which bothers me alot because I am an only child and am very independent. We have fights alot lately about stupid $#!%, but no physical hurt whatsoever.

 

And understand, I lost my virginity to this girl at 16 and have never even really been in any kinda of mature relationship with ANYONE else. I NEED to experience what other people can offer and what I want in a life partner. Please help me out, I need some advice.

[Gilgamesh]

I think you really answered all your questions. I guess its confirmation.

 

I agree that this girl, although special to you because of what you have done together, is not somebody that knows what she wants, hence all this "experimenting" she. likle you, havent had much experience from each other, and its something your both going to end up doing sooner or later.

 

She just got a jump start on you. this whole deal with the "one-night-stand" may be forgivable (im not sure i could) but this whole ordeal about her inviting some guy to visit her, well thats a whole different ball game and maybe the more serious offense.

 

As for ya mom, listen, girlfriends may come and go, but your mom will always love ya, if ya need to go out into the world, do it, who knows maybe after a few years this girl will have finished with all this finding herself phase and will remember how lucky she was to have found you.

 

Of course it mat be too late for her, because Im sure another fine chick will have scouped you up by then, and you wont be looking back much.

[porkshop]

sounds like you've made up your mind already. I went through the same kind of thing thing with my first love. We were together for 3years but i cheated, which was the biggest mistake of my life, and we tried to make it work for a year but he broke up with me. I'd say give it one last go,give it all you've got, then if you still feel like you do now split. Everyone always says the love they had with their first love is the best, my ex has even said that to me recently and we broke up over two years ago. so surely its worth knowing you didnt just throw away six years. yeh,she made a big mistake and breaking up with her will make her realise what she did but it might make you realise how much she means to you and then what?,six years is a long time.

[restlesschld]

I apologize from the female race for what she's done for you.

 

You've made up your mind, now all you need to do is stick with it. Get rid of her. It will be helpful for you both. She needs to be forced to be on her own, and you leaving her (Albeit its gonna hurt like hell) will help her, and will also allow you to be with other women and also it will teach you not to let girls walk all over you. Letting her cheat on you, and then let the guy from Canada come down, and going on the break with you right before that? Not good.

 

I kind of know what girls mean when they say they want a realtionship with "no strings" its kind of like a girl says she wants a realtionship, but doesn't know if you want a commitment, so she says that. And then when you don't try to push for the commitment, then they get upset. (Yeah I did that. Not pretty.)

 

I hope that gives a little isnight on the mind of a woman. Although I doubt my ideas can be placed all accross the board... Its a start.

[cabbie]

Thank you guys (and girls) for reading and trying to help with my problem.

 

Yes, I have already made up my mind about what to do, and surely am looking for some confirmation from others. I have decided to write her a deep letter explaining everything and take it to her personally in a couple of days to break things off. See, I am not a great person with words on the spot, so by writing a letter it will let me say all the things I need to say to her the right way (and without being a total @$$hole), while still being able to talk to her face-to-face like the respectful man I am. It will definitely be hard on the both of us, but will also give us the chance to gain exerience in love and loss. I just don't love her like I once did; and I don't want to put her through a meaningless relationship, just to break her heart later if I can help it! Even though what she did to me was BAD, she is still a best friend and a human being. Wow, writing things out totally helps me realize that it IS over!

 

Thank you all again for your timely replies and thoughful advice! I really appreciate it.