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I want my Marrage to work and not got though with the Divore


jbemis
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Hi Im new hear needless to say i have been with my wife for about ten years married for seven. WE have been though a lot of ups and downs and theings that should never happen to people( like losing a child). A year ago i ha been in a serious ass and broke my leg into six . she we right thier by my side helping me most the way. i had a hard time finding a job and had to go out of state back to where we had moved from to get back into the worlk force. When it was almost time to move back to are home my wife out of the blue called me and told me she wasnt happy and didnt wanna move back .When i saked her what she would like to do then she told me take it as she wants a divorce and hung up. Needless to say i got sick to my stomach because it was out of the blue and she had all my 3 girls but hit are bank account and took out $3,000 dollars and ran to her mothers in the next town then hit me with divorce papers the next day. Me and her got legally separated once before i thought she was sleeping around and we got into a fight she mad me almost believe it was in my head. until i cought the guy waitng for her at our old apartment. we got back together after alittle while then this 4 years later not even a full month after are 7 year anaversry. All are fries said they didnt even see it coming but they are going to stay out of it . last time i was drug though the dirt made out to be the worst father in the world in the courts. But right after that it was a pass me off with the kids with the famouse yo yo fator take them till im made then yank them away. I was not going to let that happen again to me or them. so i hired an attorney. I asked her while she was doing this she said she wanted her freedom and didnt want to have to answeer to any one . But when you have kids you have to answer to them . and you have no freedom . I told her i would give her the divorce if that woul make her happy but i didn't want it that i love her. I have temperay 50 50 jiont phyical custody kids proside with her for school paper work only. i have been trying to salvage my marrage but she does really say anything about it . Unless she gets made Recently she is saying that im sleeping with some woman that we know and and accuseing me and saying that i dont know what love is that all I am is controlling. But im not sleeping with any one and that getts me so frustated that we will start fighting on the phone. I try not to be controling when we where to gether (like if she wanted to go out i would tell her ok but if you are going to be drinking I would like to come because i know when she gets to much in her she gets touchy feely and dont want someone to try to take advantage of her she the says im not her ffather and she can hadle herself or if i can keep the house clean when you are at work you you should be able to do the say on because i say i dont want her out and about from this house to tht house weather summer time or not the kids should be in bed not all over at 11 pm or 1 am their 7 ,6, and 3 . if that is controlling im really confused I thought it was being areing and a good father .She says I never spend quality time with my kids but i tell her i do i spend time doing what they want to do that is what they feel is qulity time . I love my wife she I have done things in the past I'm not proud of I will admit to that but over the past 4 years i have not She says she is done trying but she doesn't wanna end up like her parents a nasty divorce well I hate to say it but they use her as the ping pong ball and she is the only one of his kids that talks to his like she is seeking apcepting and he does nothing wrong when i told her that he treats his new famliy good and treats her like dirt (witch is true) she gets mad and defends him. I dont get i I love her so much to just though it all away can any one help me help me figure out away to get this moving towrods geting back to gethier not ending it and fighting all the time

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Hello there,

 

I understand that your wife has filed for divorce and you are not happy. I also understand that you two have had issues in the past which you feel were resolved.

 

This sounds somewhat familiar to me as my mom did somewhat the same thing to my dad. With the exception of pitting the us kids back and forth. She felt he was too controlling and wouldn't let her do what she wanted. However, my mother also tried talking it out with my father on numerous occasions, and it just wasn't working. From my understanding of your situation, your wife isn't even trying to talk it out with you, however, I am basing this on what you told me.

 

Have you tried counseling? Sometimes marriage counseling does help, or even counseling for yourself to see if there are things that you might need to change to make this relationship work. Marriage counseling may also help as there would be a third party there to assist you two in talking out your problems. The issue with trying to fix this on your own is that she's not willing to help you. She says something, you get upset, you say something, she gets upset. It's a never-ending cycle that a counselor could assist you with by trying to keep you both calm and level-headed.

 

My suggestion is you talk with her about counseling and see what she says. However, at the same time, find out from your lawyer what your rights are in regards to the children and marital assets. I don't like the way your wife is bringing the children into all this, and I encourage you to try to explain to them in the best way possible what is going on.

 

Best wishes!

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OK my friend, hang in there. I can tell you are in a bad way and things are pouring out of you. Thats a good sign, let all the feelings and emotions come.

 

Let me say that I don't think getting back together is the best things in this case. I know you want to - but she doesn't. Its going to take awhile for you to accept this, but its over. Its time to take care of you. Your wife is no longer your responsibility. You cannot change her. You cannot make her feel the way you want her to feel. Let her take care of herself now.

 

Please go to a counselor. This is important for your own health. You need to be at 100% for your kids and to weather the storms ahead. The counselor can help guide you on your path to healing.

 

Focus on your kids. You know you are a good father, so don't let your wife convince you any different. I know you still have feelings for her and so she can say things that hurt you. But just because she says something doesn't make it true. Keep your attorney informed and tell them everything - hide nothing. Just love your kids, spend as much time as possible with them, do everything together. Try to work out custody in a civil manner with your wife so that everyone doesn't get drawn into a bitter custody battle. Everybody loses in that case.

 

And God be with you.

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Its me a gain I just want to clearify a few things. We went to councaling in the past for are fighting. I mean bad fighting that got phyical a few times ( not hitting her thouse just forceing her to sit on the couch so i could get out to cool down because she would block the door for me to get away to cool down.) I droped off my oldest today at school and grabed my middle daughters work for she has been sick and with her mother. when i got their my lyoungest wanted me to stay and put her on the bus my wife then started to push me out the door me and my yougest went outside to play for a bit when we came back in she was calling the guy she meet at a club i then let her know i didnt care because it doesnt matter to her what i thnk . But to let him Know that i when I do see him and i kno wheat he looks like, that I will let him know the truth and am tierd for getting slanderd by her and If I find out that she startes intudesing him to my girls I will halul her into court for its not good to do in light of all thats going on. and that So she asked me to leave So I did. I also told her I would be back to put my daughter on the buss and pick my other from school and that the school had called and wheat they had said , needless to say she had called the police to make a false acusation and tell them i was trying to start a fight. I told the officer the truth and let him know that she does lie to make her self look good. I told him about the court arrgments when he asked why i was coming over what the reason was . He then told me not to go into the house I told him it wasn't her ouse and as far As I was told by her mother I could I always konck first. But sometime I have to open the door and yell inside because her grandfather is def. So I know have to call my attorney and let him know and spend more money I dont have to get my kid away from all her bs lies and comments.

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Let me make this perfectly clear - threatening your wife or her boyfriend in any way will not help you. In fact it is the kiss of death as far as custody is concerned. You need to be on your best behavior. I don't care how angry you get, do not raise your voice, raise your hand, touch your wife, or threaten anything. You already have a history of possibly losing your temper and that is going to count against you.

 

I know you are upset, but let it out somewhere else. Go to the gym and hit a heavy bag. But you are going to have to suck it up in front of the wife. If she knows she can't upset you she'll eventually drop it. Otherwise she'll keep pressing your buttons until you blow your stack.

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Well she is at it again. shell call me up all return her phone call and then she tells the police that im herassing her and gets them to herass me legally. I have explined to the police what she is doing so now i hate to say it but the gloves are off and its time to get a restaining order on her to make her stop. (for example i took my daughter to judo went to give her money that she said she needed but told her to sign a repeit sayin g she got it for child suppoet because I'm tierd of giveing her things and saying im not even though I dont need to she said she wasnt signing anything so i told her she would not get it and left next thing i know i get home the police are calling me saying im herassing her and start harping on me . And then Tell me that I sound mad i told him wouldnt you be too if your always getting these calles and having to defend your self over consant acusations I even told him I hae her constantly herassing me on tape and he didnt care so i told him fine tell her not to call me any more. Now i'm worried about bringing my girls over their and her say something new and try to get me arrested. man she really nows how to munipulate the system. I have know idea what to do now.

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