just broke up with boyfriend, can't stop crying

[wannabehappy]

Hi,

 

Let me start out by apologizing for this being so long...I didn't realize it until I just previewed the post.

 

I feel awful. I've been dating a guy for 4 and a half years (2 1/2 long distance, 2 in same area). We met when I was vacationing and started a long distance relationship (CA-FL). I moved to be near him and see where the relationship would go. There has always been issues between us, but I figured I could live with them. We have 2 totally different ideas on how we want to raise kids, and I don't think he is willing to compromise on anything. I know 2 people are not always going to agree, but shouldn't both parties make compromises...not just 1? Anyway, we just got back from a 2 week vacation, which actually went great, except we talked about raising children again. I think it was then that I decided this wasn't who I wanted to raise children with. His ideas are not wrong, they are just opposite of mine and there is no room for compromising on his part.

 

I didn't say anything at the time, because I didn't want to ruin the rest of our vacation. We just returned last Thursday night. I spent all day Friday crying, then spent Sat. with him, and came home and cried all day Sunday. I still love him very much, and I know he loves me. We spoke on the phone Sunday night and I think we both know it is over. We will talk in person, but he says it's just formality now. Am I being stupid because I think we both have to compromise when it comes to kids? Some of the issues are so trivial, but all those trivial things add up. I've been so depressed since the end of my vacation, and now even more so since it's really over. There are other issues also, like he says he would have a problem if I were to gain too much weight. (I'm 5'5 and weigh 108lbs). I would like to weigh about 115-120, but he thinks I would be fat then. He also said he would have a problem if his wife gained weight because then she wouldn't be taking care of herself (yet if he put on a little weight, that would be ok.)

 

I've talked with friends and family, but they are always going to side with me. I just wanted to know what someone who doesn't know me thinks. Does it sound like I'm jumping the gun by breaking up, or was I crazy in the first place for ignoring these issues for the past few years? Was it wrong for me to break up with him as soon as we got back from a great vacation? I wanted to wait a few weeks, but it just came out...I was hurting so bad.

 

If anyone has any advice as to stopping the constant flow of water from my eyes...I would like that also. Thanks

[princess_patti]

listen i know wats it's like to go through i huge break up. It seems like your world is crashing down.

nobody can actually know wat your going through. but don't let it get to you. i think wat u did was right. after all little things count too. just try to remember there are other guys out there. ones that will have the same point of veiw as you. All ya have to do is wait for em. i'm sure u'll find the right one some day.

[viettwinkle503]

yeah...i'm not sure how old you are so about raising kids is a very big issue. i'm assuming that you are in ur 20's, but yes i see a very distrubing part on his case. he says he would have a problem if you gained weight?? whoa this guy has some issues.

 

a girl doesn't need a guy to make her feel self conscious... if that's the case he's not such a great guy. i'm not judging him completely because i don't know him but it seems like the raising kids conflict isn't the only issue. if he really loves you for who u are he would accept you, reguardless of any condition. don't cry anymore...sorry i wish i could say more positive things but you made the right choice. in the future, you'll learn to keep ur eye out for the sweeties.

 

christine

[wannabehappy]

Thanks for your support, it means a lot to hear that from people other than friends/family. I am 33, which is even more reason this is hard. I really want kids, and starting over at this age really scares me. I only hope I can find someone to be with before it gets to late to start a family. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't still love him, but I guess love isn't everything (unfortunately)

[closer_nin]

Listen, First of all who is this guy that you spent so much time with and tells you that if you gain a little weight it is unacceptable??? First of all good for you that you guys aren't together. I know that you may have had your dreams and plans with this person, but he doesn't seem to respect you very much. If he's so keen on your weight, but not on his... that makes him selfish and a hypocrite. Next, if he thinks there is no compromise on raising your future children, then you shouldn't have any with him. I think you are better off, sounds like you are doing all the work. Moving close to him, talking about your future, and trying to keep him happy. That is the problem... you are trying to keep him happy so you guys can be happy... the cost... your beliefs, your thoughts, your identity, your happiness... no good. There are great people out there... when you find one, you'll know and thank yourself for not letting yourself be with someone who is that self centered and really uncaring about you. Peace.