sunshine13 Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Do any adults here believe that someone can be "out of your league"? When guys say a woman is intimidating b/c she is "hot, outpoken, independent". . . is that just b/s? Link to comment
jettison Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 I think that most of us want to be with someone that we might at first believe is "out of our league". What's the old quote? "I would never want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member". Per the Passion Paradox (great book BTW), being in the one down position is mostly responsible for creating all the lust and passion in a relationship. Sometimes, the most exciting relationships are when both parties believe that they are not good enough for the other, and that they are out of their league. During each one of my LTRs, at one time or another, my GF has said "I'm just worried that I'm not good enough for you" and "I just don't understand how you're into me." Of course, once i've done a thorough enough job convincing them that they are not only adequate and accepted, but that i'm actually the one who is so lucky, then I'm screwed. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 no. i think the saying is a fake. it can apply to what you think is out of your league. i'm sure just about everyone sees a woman that they would consider out of their league whether it be looks, money, social status, etc. but i think anybody can be with anybody. it happens everyday. most guys would say a woman is intimidating usually because she is smart and attractive. i think most men perceive a woman as hot and dumb, or smart and just okay in the looks dept. this is like a double threat. for a woman to have both i think puts guys off a bit. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 When guys say a woman is intimidating b/c she is "hot, outpoken, independent". . . is that just b/s? Personally I love these types of women. Much easier to date. Out of a person's league? - I'm not sure if there is any truth to that. I'm an ordinary looking guy and I've dated some simply killer looking women. Being at the right time and in the right place and saying the right thing seems to be my secret. (not bragging or anything - I've had some massive failures as well) Link to comment
greenmonster Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Yes and No...all at the same time really... Intimdation plays a huge part in the game between girls and guys, and the ability to not be intimidated is key. Now...there are some people who are stuck on themselves and see nothing more than physical appearances and if you aren't some kind of swim suit model then the answer is a flat out no.....but does this mean they are out of your league? hell no. I mean...its no big secret that some people are better looking than others...but the people that hold that as the only thing they pass judgment on are too stuck up to even worry about....trust me Lemme put it this way... I am by no means Matt McConaughey...I'm a slight better than average lookin...I don't have the body of a god...in fact...I played offensive line in college football and I still got a belly on me that I've been working on getting off since then... But I have always dated girls that many would say are "outta my league" when it comes to just looks. How? because while other guys sit around and say to themselves "oh man she is outta my league" I would just walk up and talk to her...and act like she was just another normal girl...of course I would lay on some traditional charm and flattery but nothing out of the norm... truth is that many girls(and guys) that spend a lot of time on their appearance have more insecurities about themselves than they show...which is why they work hard at looking good. Being able to recognize that while a person may be in a better looking strata than yourself that doesn't mean they are outta your league... now...if your telling me that your thinking about asking Angilina Jolie out...the I might have to tell you that yes, she is outta your league...lol you never know till you try...worst that happens is she says no...and if thats the worst thing that ever happens in your life then you're gonna live a long and very happy life Link to comment
stranded247 Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 i'll contribute even though I'm not an adult yet lol.. The whole out of your league thing is just so shallow, sure some people are better looking than others but just because one is better looking than the other doesn't mean they are necessarily of a higher league, I think its more of a mindset I have seen couples where one is not good looking and the other could be a movie star yet the good looking one still values their g/f or b/f as equally good looking to themselves and is very attracted to the less good looking person. I think if you believe someone is out of your league then they will be but in all honesty we can have anyone we want if we believe it. And I think some guys are intimidated by good looking woman cos they dont think they are good looking enough for her, hence why this "she/he is out of my league" bul * * * * came from. And as for being outspoken or independent I am not too sure but I know that some men feel threatened by women with larger salaries than themselves. Link to comment
CharLit Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Nope, I don't think there is any such thing as "out of your league". I do think you can be mismatched though - e.g. I am very easily fascinated by...well.... everything! thereforeeee i want to be with someone who also has a very broad range of interests so we can be amazed things together. I would thereforeeee be mismatched with a guy whose main interests were football and beer. Would i be out of his league? I don't think so, because I don't think he'd be interested in me in the first place either... he'd probably consider me as boring as I would him, so in that sense he'd be out of my league, too. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Do any adults here believe that someone can be "out of your league"? When guys say a woman is intimidating b/c she is "hot, outpoken, independent". . . is that just b/s? well legally I'm an adult lol. I think people can kind of be out of your league. If someone is obviously realllly hot and someone is just really unattractive I think they kind of can be. It's more of a state of mind thing though I think, but for the most part I think there's one league and were all in it lol. When a guy says a womans intimidating because shes hot or outspoken or whatever I think they can be geniunlly intimidated so it's not b/s but I think they just need to get over themselves. Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 no. i think the saying is a fake. it can apply to what you think is out of your league. i'm sure just about everyone sees a woman that they would consider out of their league whether it be looks, money, social status, etc. but i think anybody can be with anybody. it happens everyday. most guys would say a woman is intimidating usually because she is smart and attractive. i think most men perceive a woman as hot and dumb, or smart and just okay in the looks dept. this is like a double threat. for a woman to have both i think puts guys off a bit. Although I'm only a young adult (19), I believe there are classes or leagues of people, but I also believe there's plenty of crossover. The girl I'm going out with now, I hadn't even considered asking her out until one day a perfect opportunity presented itself. She's very attractive, nice, put-together, organized, and very intelligent. Seriously, every guy I know just gawks over her. But, I am nonetheless going out with her. We're set up for our third date, and everything seems to be going well, but I guess only time will tell. But let me just reiterate, I wouldn't have seriously considered asking her out until that day that I actually did; I (like most other guys) just dismissed her as "out of my league," although that dismissal seems now fallacious. And now, she's one of the coolest people I've met, and I can't believe I was willing to just let a girl like her pass through my life without at least trying for more. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Yes, I believe certain men are out of my league and it doesn't necesarily have to do with looks. I accept that. As far as the intimidation issue - I've never found it to be an honest assessment - usually it's just an excuse when the man is not that interested in the woman. some say that women with high powered professions who are educated are intimidating. I disagree. I think women - like men - who act in an intimidating way or are arrogant or outspoken about their accomplishments can be intimidating people but I know people like that who are not truly successful and successful people who are confident yet humble and approachable. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 out of your league is all in your head. everyone came from the same thing. a wee egg and a sperm. at what point did someone become better than you or out of your league? never. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Part of my looking for a relationship included not going "out of my league" because I had somewhat limited free time to date and it wasn't worth it to me to pursue a relationship with little odds of getting anywhere. For example, if looks mattered more to me than they do, I would not go for a male model type because if he cared about looks (and most probably do otherwise they wouldn't be in that profession - maybe I'm wrong, just a guess) then he probably would want someone of roughly his level of attractiveness, which I am not. I've had the best luck and the best experiences with men who are roughly equal to me in intelligence, education, and from similar family backgrounds (and that includes religion and socieconomic backgrounds too). Those are the men with whom I feel most comfortable. I'm not uncomfortable recognizing that there are differences and "out of my league" is not always a bad word - it depends on how much that is relied upon and when it is relied upon. For dating to find a long term mate it can be relevant at times. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 There's an interesting experiment I read about where a group of couples had to (individually, without the others knowing) rate their own looks out of 10. Almost all the couples' scores either matched or were very close; so it's partly to do with self-perception. I think, truth be told, everyone has a sense of social status, looks, etc., and most people will "aim" for what they think they can "get". A shallow and slightly harsh way to think about it perhaps, but it's what I seem to see every day... Link to comment
sunshine13 Posted June 11, 2007 Author Share Posted June 11, 2007 I apologize for not being clear in my post. As far as being "out of someone's league" I was not speaking of looks. I was speaking more of careers, social status, where they grew up, went to college, etc. As far as this situation goes. . . I met who I dated a few times. He is attractive, works as a vp in a very large corporation with a very large paycheck. He drives the nicest cars and has a huge house. The social circle he usually hangs out with are club owners, athletes. . . bascially wealthy people. He basically made me feel as if I completely did not fit in with his lifestyle and felt like garbage about it. Then I met a professional athlete who is really nice, good looking and almost a little shy. However, after talking to him for about a half hour I bolted b/c I did not feel as if I am in his "league". The second part of my question is b/c I NEVER get asked out. EVER!!! Nobody ever believes me that when I tell them. My guy friends tell me it is b/c I intimidating all of the time. Personally I think that is a bunch of BS!!!! I am outgoing, friendly to everyone I meet. I love having a good time!! Yeah, I can be opinionated at times. I am a business woman and try to take care of my physical apperance as much as I can. That is why I think the "intimidation thing" is junk. There is nothing more that I enjoy than going out and laughing, dancing, whatever. Guess it doesn't make sense!!! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Regarding the wealthy guy - nothing to do with his wealth - he is an arrogant, rude person and he could have been a struggling artist, a plumber, a scientist or a business man. As far as the athlete - it simply sounds like you did not click or feel comfortable with him. That can happen. Link to comment
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