In love with my best friend, tough decsion ahead

[Axl]

hi all,

 

i am a bit stuck. Its the story of a guy who is in love with his best friend. I have known her for a long, long time. She has a boyfriend who she is very happy with that she hasnt been with very long. I told her not so long ago how i felt about her and she said she likes me as a friend nothing more & she is in love with her boyfriend. Fair enough. She said that it wouldnt affect our friendship and that i am still her best friend. I thought she would just stop contacting me and that would be the end of that. But she has kept to her word and we still are.

The problem I have is, i am totally in love with this girl, i cant stop thinking about her, i see her 3 or 4 times a week and we have a great time as friends hanging out and having a good laugh. However, I am not sure what is going to happen in the future, i want to stay friends with her but it hurts alot & at the weekends I know she is with her boyfriend and i cant stop thinking about it. But she always goes out of her way to make time for me & I really appreciate that. Her boyfriend was jealous because she kept spending alot of time with me and she told him she loves us both in different ways and one wouldnt take the others place. She comes round my house with him somtimes but they dont act like b/f-g/f infront of me they just act like friends which is again quite decent of her i think.

I dont want to lose our friendship, i really dont. But I dont know whether I can handle this much more. I might go mental or something. Is it worth hanging on to see if they split up & ask her out, or just continue to be friends and see what happens or maybe even just stop the friendship altogether to stop me geting hurt anymore. I want to talk to her about it but she might think I dont value her friendship enough or something. I just feel really down about it and am not sure what the next step is. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Thankyou in advance.

[Cid]

Ok Axl

Humm..... This is a hard one, so you are i love with her? Right. But she has a B/F? Right. Ok the thing that I would do is keep her friendship, I know it hurts but try to find someone. Be saportive to her, (you might be able to get with her later). At lease when she is around you they act like friends so it is alittle bit easier to deal with. I know when you love someone you what to be with her all of the time. Just be happy for them, and try to find someone else, I know that you will allways love her but loseing her for ever might be the worse thing that you can ever do. Just stick it out, and I hope that this helps good luck.

 

(my spelling is horbble)

[Axl]

Thanks cid.

This has been going on for a while now so I just hope I can continue to carry on the way I am. It should make me a stronger person for it at least if nothing else.

Do you think its worth talking to her about it & mentioning it or just to not bother ?

Thanks again

[Cid]

I would tell her how you feel but add that you would still like to be friends. That is what I would do. Good Luck.

[DoctorWu]

Axl - I'm in the same boat as you but my best friend is single (go figure). A slow lesson that I'm learning is to not beat a dead horse too much. If you truly want to continue being her best friend, stay silent. The more you talk the more akward things may become between you both. Like my friend, it sounds like she deeply values your relationship and it would probably devastate her if you broke things off and talking about how you feel again may push things in that direction.

 

I know this sounds cliche -- but look for another girl and find other things to occupy your mind/time. You will always think about her so don't fight it! Instead of focusing on what could have been, focus on what you have now, especially all the good times you've had. With patience, your mind will settle down and you will find contentment in your relationship with her. DW

[Axl]

Thanks very much for the help. Hopefully everything will work itself out. I hope that we can remain best friends. But I think it will only be a matter of time before I cant go on as friends because it just doesnt feel right or fair on me or her.

Thanks again

[Swannee]

If you truly love and fancy this girl, and you have already told her so, and she has already told you that she only wants to be friends, then you must respect her decision. If you love this girl, you will want to be the better man, and walk away and be happy for your friendship. I am in a similar situation, I know I love her, I love her so much that I want her to be happy even if I am not part of it. Don't ruin your friendship, find somebody who will give you the same love and respect in return, do not force your love upon her, you will regret it later down the road.

Good Luck

[Axl]

Thanks very much. That makes alot of sense.

I appreciate that.

[bexcelant]

Dude..if you feel sick being around her..maybe you need to take some time off and stay away from her. Once you are over her..then maybe you can be friends. I'm also in the same situation and the more you push..the more you'll push her away. I'm hurting still but I took 6 weeks apart...and healed. I guess I can stand seeing them together now but not at first. Besides..I also sent my friend a rose to remember me by and for her to never forget me. I don't know what that will do..but I need to give her a lot of space now to figure out for herself what she wants. She knows how I feel and what I want.

[bexcelant]

Dude..if you feel sick being around her..maybe you need to take some time off and stay away from her. Once you are over her..then maybe you can be friends. I'm also in the same situation and the more you push..the more you'll push her away. I'm hurting still but I took 6 weeks apart...and healed. I guess I can stand seeing them together now but not at first. Besides..I also sent my friend a rose to remember me by and for her to never forget me. I don't know what that will do..but I need to give her a lot of space now to figure out for herself what she wants. She knows how I feel and what I want.

[Cid]

Axl just hang on. Dont kill your frindship but try not to hang out with her that much. I wish that I can give you nore avice but I cant. I wish you the best of luck on what ever you deside. Keep us posted.