Phoenix_girl Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Ok I have a simple question.... How do i end a friendship? Do i talk to them first and tell them why i feel the need to end it? I should point out this is my best friend we're talking about... Thank you Link to comment
arwen Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Hey girl, Do you need a break from the friendship for a while or really to not speak to her anymore forever? I think a lot depends on the reason. If you think she is well aware of what went wrong, maybe the talk can be short. On the other hand, keep in mind that if you've been bottling up the issue she might be very surprised. Do you want to talk about what happened? You mention it is your best friend, so it must be something really terrible? Arwen Link to comment
Phoenix_girl Posted May 31, 2007 Author Share Posted May 31, 2007 Hi Arwen Actually its a guy friend, and maybe it's just that i need a break but i feel like that wont change anything. Basically the issue is that he doesnt make any effort in our friendship and i dont know if its me or because he knows i have a thing for him, or maybe cause he has a thing for me.... Right now i'm confused. I'm the one whose always trying to get him to do things (he lives in the next town over - could easily get here by the busing system) and he doesnt do anything. The only time i really see him is if i have a party.....and this next party hes not coming, cause even though i asked him if he had plans for this particular weekend - and he said no - he suddenly remembers he has a wedding (i dont think hes lying). It's frustrating.....and upseting. We have talked about this a bit and he seemed to understand at the time but he hasnt done anything about it. He told me once he loves our friendship......i'm starting to think he loves it only because he doesnt have to do anything in it... Link to comment
arwen Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Hey girl, The way you describe him, it doesn't sound like he's a 'best friend' really- I hope for you that you will find (or already have) people around you who DO make the effort to come and see you. I recognise what you describe and maybe it will help you if I share a bit of what I've experienced since I moved away 200 km last year. I studied in another town for uni, and when I transfered to do my PhD, I left around 15 people in that town whom I considered as good to best friends. It was striking to see how people expected me to visit them whenever I was in town, but wouldn't offer to come 'up' north and visit me. I have been disappointed in more than one friend. That made me realize that in some friends, the factor of convenience is really important. For them I was good company, a nice person to have a cup of coffee on a forgotten sunday, etc. But when a real effort was necessary to see each other, it seemed the friendship was over. I haven't broken up with any of those friends- I don't need to because it doesn't bother me anymore. If they'd call me and say 'Hey, would you like me to visit you next week', I'd be welcoming and not bitter. But there would be more distance- I would share less with them than before I moved I think. As for your situation, I think that your friend would see you more if you'd live next door. Now he has to make an effort and apparently it's not worth the trouble for him. Maybe he got used to you coming over and doing all the work. Maybe he's just lazy and doesn't realize that this hurts your feelings. I think that there are two options: 1. Talk to him and explain that the friendship no longer benefits you and you need it to end so you won't expect anything anymore 2. Simply leave it like this and don't contact him to see if it triggers a response. I favour the first option because it's more honest, but on the other hand you've already discussed it and it didn't help. Just a side question. I could be TOTALLY wrong, please forgive me if so. Do you think it's possible you feel more for him than just friendship? Arwen Link to comment
Phoenix_girl Posted May 31, 2007 Author Share Posted May 31, 2007 Yes and he knows I do. And theres a good chance that he has similar feelings for me which is part of why I'm so confused....... Link to comment
arwen Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Then it's time for something difficult but necessary: open up and see what he says. If there is a chance of him feeling the same, what's holding you back? It could be the end of a friendship and moving on (alone) or the end of a friendship and moving it to the next level (together). The longer things are not expressed, the more you will take actions on his part more personal and feel more hurt by them. What are the signs that tell you he may feel the same? arwen Link to comment
Mavis VDSande Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Hiyah, I think you shouldn't speak to him about it. If there are romantic feelings involved don't you think he may well be aware about your feelings for him and thereforeeee he's stopped putting in effort because he knows you'll always give him affection? Having a talk with him will only put pressure if there are romantic feelings involved and perhaps break off the friendship. What you need to do is realise that you are a big part of his life too, but you need to start focusing on yourself and your other friends, and less on him. Soon he will realise that he must put the effort in, if he's a worthy friend or possible romance. But because you haven't made a big deal out of it, you remain strong and still as "friends - without that bust up". Having the talk with him won't make him realise his romantic emotions towards you, but missing you will! Link to comment
Phoenix_girl Posted June 3, 2007 Author Share Posted June 3, 2007 Just an update - my friendship with my best friend really hit the rocks last night and we aren't speaking to each other right now. I dont know if this will end the friendship or not. Link to comment
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