Escaping the grasp of depression

[Iori_Yagami]

It ended. Yes, I now have my Mg. sc. ing. Very ironically, master - what are you master of? How

hard was it?

Do I speak to myself too often? Indeed. It ended. No more living in capital city, in hellish

dormitory. No one shouts drunkenly at you while you are reading. No one is breaking your lamp

simply because they don't like it, or, rather, you. You are envied - you are as poor as them, or

even poorer materialistically, but yet are MUCH higher at studies. I was one of the best. If

those tables say anything useful, I am 6th of over 100 students. The others become surprised when

they learn I live in a dormitory. "Really? Why? With mind like that you could at least rent a

room!" I don't have anything except my goal. I finally got it. I am the master now. How sad.

Generals feel probably worse after winning a war, but I am somewhat close to this type of

feeling.

Looking at my diploma. Looking at books and numerous notes, at software artifacts created. What's

wrong? I am working now! An idiot's dream has come true - you're finally a programmer. You made

it!

Why does it still hurt me?

Depression eats in my mind. Well, actually I became a little ill during master thesis's writing -

a mild form of brain dysfunction. Memory blanking, a "resistant membrane" which stands on my I/O

ports (that is - comprehension of words, both written and spoken), slow thinking. I am making

notes - if I don't, I forget. Can't remember today's date unless I look it up somewhere. Failing

to recognize old fellows by their faces.

It is so depressing to jump downward after being high atop.

Why on Earth this happens? They're lazy, they are drinkers, they like cannabis and still get

through easily through with luck and cunningness. And you try hard (I have never ever been to a

party - what is it anyway; made all tasks myself as good as I could - not perfect, but that

maximum I could do) and got sick depression in the end.

I must be proud, I must - I am the first in our family line to ever get highest education - and

still I am not.

I am very ambivalent (Jekyll - Hyde, or something like that) right now. It is amusing and scary

to your mental health, when you listen and think about Turing thesis and finite automata,

object-relation views of data, software maintenance costs estimating models, intellectual agents

behavior in accessible non-determined and stochastic environment during the day, and while trying

to digest this at night you are forced to listen to drunken goblins who despise you for being

yourself.

"Ha, what the hell you are reading! It is complete rubbish! I drink and I am happy! And you will

get spectacles and a baldhead eventually! Haa!"

"You think you're clever! And can get the same mark. I have right answers, why study anyway. You

don't even drink - you must be freak!"

"Your lamp sucks - it's yellow. It's so ugly... -smash- ahhhh, you will buy yourself a new one,

ha-ha!"

"It is just 1 am, we're having a good time, and you are sleeping? Exams are ^&**& why don't drink

with us?"

This mind schism is not so easy to deal with. It is like a problem, which you try to ignore (you

don't have any solution), but it slaps you on your shoulder and says: "Hey, I am still here, and

will not leave you, hee-hee-hee!"

Depression catches you and drives needles into your mind. "You can run, but you can not hide!"

Scary?

[Master Sasori]

If you are in a rut and stuck with your life, you need to give it a swing in a new and positive direction by carving a new path with your own power.

 

Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands. Life is what you make of it.

 

Study how to be a alive and you will become alive.

unfortunately school doesn't have life teachers, but getting a diploma may be an aknowledgement of your achievements in society, but it does not mean the aknowledgement of your own life.

 

The real meaning of life is to love and help other people. You are in a stage now where you are starting to ask yourself life questions and on wether all of this makes any sense

 

I mean look , children are put on school and they don't even know why, they just are told that they need to do what they are told, and like drilled robots they go thru this school system in order to be prepared for society.

 

But who says that it would garentee you to become a happy person? There's nothing in this universe that can bring you happyness exept loving and helping other people.

 

So if you get a job, preferable get a job in which you do that. The reason you do all of this effort in your life is to escape misery.

 

Look at the children in india eating from some garbage disposal , look at that african child in dismay. When you look close all of our efforts in life are to escape misery pain and darkness, and are done in order to reach beauty ,love happyness, and light into our lives. We do that because we don't like to be miserable, although its strange because the process of getting a diploma makes you miserable, it makes you less miserable then being miserable when you don't have any grounds or finances to stand on in life.

 

This is why people chase money like crazy etc, but its not really that important. What's important is this.

 

There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

 

If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people around you to change, thereforeeee

 

Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

 

 

As with everything in life, it's the taking part that matters.Don't put your life on a halt when something goes wrong.

 

Don't blame your parents. Don't blame god. You are responsible for who you are. If you want to change who you are, fricken do it. Blaming your genes or your invisible friend and continuing to live the lifestyle you hate will get you nowhere. Accept that you dug the hole you are in, now you've gotta pull yourself out of it if that is indeed what you want to do. You have to give more meaning to your meaningless life.

 

Life Is more of a test to challenge your abilities... set a goal and see if you can achieve it. You either let your life rot, or you let it live.

 

What is important is that you need to know that heaven and hell are a state of mind. Negative thoughts can lead to indescribable suffering ,so think positive

 

You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life

 

If you only bring happy things in your life you will reflect into your heart and say, life is worth it if you live it in happynes.

 

 

Enjoy and have fun mainly in the constructive things you do. Set challenges for yourself and test your limits. It might even relax you.

 

Think about the good you can do for others, while maintaining balance with yourself.

 

Buddism is an exellent way to find certain amounts of content in your life.

 

Life is like a busride, if it takes you were you don't want to go, step out of that bus, and get yourself on another bus that does take you where you want to go.

 

Define your own happyness by doing positive constructive things that make you happy.

 

Life is like a tool or hammer, you either use it to build your life in the best possible way, or you lay that tool down and do nothing. Of course you should do the best to build your life into all you can, because in the end you will grade and look back on your own life and when that happens you want to look back on good results instead of bad.So always continue on to Build the best life. Like to tackle things and be activly a part of life.

[Iori_Yagami]

It didn't make any sense, did it?

Sounds like a mantra learned and repeated by those "psychologists" who would never listen to anything, but who have a couple of standard answers up their sleeve.

I have heard all this "philosophy" before, and as a rationalist I don't believe anything I don't understand. I even doubt the author did.

Sorry, but it is just like that.