easyreader2k

But she describes the sex fiend ex-boyfriend that she played tennis with recently as being a real asshole that she doesn't like talking to or being around. I'm just concerned that she's not being sensitive to my feelings or fears even this early in our relationship. Being cheated on in my marriage almost did me in mentally and physically and I don't want to ever put myself in that situation again. Not that I'm afraid of commitment, but I ignored the smoke that turned out to be a fire in my last relationship and now that I think I'm smelling it again (even if it's not there) I can't help but be concerned.

I know a lot of it has to do with my perspective on things which is heavily influenced by my recent experiences. I know she's had other relationships and that they of course had sex, but for her to talk to me about it drives me crazy. It's kind of like getting food poisoning and then feeling sick whenever you are around that kind of food.

My ex-wife had an affair with a friend of mine and we got divorced recently. At my family and therapists' suggestions I began dating again and ended up meeting someone I really like. She went home to visit her family for a few weeks after we got serious and spent some time with her ex-fiance (who is now married) and was very open about it, which I didn't mind so much. She did say she went to a nude sauna with him (she's foreign, so that's not totally out of line) and that did bother me a little bit, but she put it as the perspective of it being a cultural difference and no big deal. She talks about this her ex-fiance quite a bit, but not in a way that makes me jealous, but she speaks of him fondly and recounts the trips and good times they had together. More recently she told me that she was going to go play tennis with another ex-boyfriend, which didn't really bother me that much either, but last night we started talking about him and she said that he was kind of a self-absorbed jerk and that he was obsessed with sex, and for whatever reason, that really bothers me. I'm trying to pin-point exactly what it is, but I think that it has to do with the idea that this was, from what I can tell, a somewhat superficial, sex-based relationship, and her willingness to continue it on a "just friends" basis, might be some kind of red flag for me to take heed of. She is very sweet and seems truly in love with me, but one thing I've learned from my divorce is that love fades sometimes and after that it takes a person with real integrity to keep the relationship alive. I can't tell if she's trying to test my boundaries or if she's just not sensitive to the fact that I was cheated on and might not take these things so well at the moment. She could tell last night that I was upset after she told me about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend and swore that she would never cheat on me, but I've heard this before. Is this my problem or hers?