dossjoyer

Hi Kyrie I dont think i am the right guy to ask if he loves you or not i guess you better ask him that! I can tell you something though real love is a very special thing however it does mess with your emotions so if you are a shy type dont think that will stop you cos you are in this mess now. What you have said about your lover does have the man kinda behaviour to be not bothered and also if he is shy too then he will want you to tell him that you love him before he would want you to do anything that you are talking about by this i mean i would not commit myself to my lover if she did not truly want it and hey this is why i came here to find that out. hope you get your self sorted out and good luck. your life is what you make it and sometimes it looks better on the other side but remember if it aint broke dont fix it.

Forgot to mention i thing I am a Big George Michael fan and his latest record Amazing has been a big insaration to me and if you listen to the words you may see why! it fits like a glove to my situation in parts plus hes is a great artist.......

Hello Worried I have ready what you have put and alot of whats in their I have worked out now for myself but If I can give you more of an insite to my own problem you too could see what I dont. I think I have given you a good insite to the development of my own problems and it is fare to say I do now think thanks to you that my work has always taken first place in my life because I have my own business and I started this business through my Parents helping me when i was only 21 this alone did help me as an individual to become more of a responsible person as I was very imature as a youth. When I met my Partner (not Married) I was just getting over my first real loving relationship and think I never looked at my partner as a lover to be loved and guess i never respected her for her faults and took advantage of her good nature. As time when on in my work i got more and more involved and my partner was more like a lap dog to me than a lover this has continued I guess ever since. I have never strayed from my partner in 15 years until the internet farse that was proberbly the start of my inner feelings rebeling, I too went through a period of dipresion when my farther took ill with heart complaints and as I have what can only be described as the best relationship in the world with my farther because I love and respect the bugger and also at the time my work was going through some big changes I slowly began to become overweight to the extent at my biggest i was 22 stone and as i know myself better than most i am not a person that can be ugly i need to look good to be good the saying goes for me i was a thin person inside a fat body. My partner I think did help me get through the depresion and i did take medication for this and did eventualy get off them, late in the summer of 2002 i had to go to another one of my businesses that was far away from where i live and at that time things were ok at home i think but from then thats when i made big mistakes in my business and used my other business as a haven for escape as the months went on i got myself in a rut but enjoyed what i was doing because i love a challenge i then set on the woman i had the affair with back in January of 2003 I was firghtend of the woman at first and she also admitted that i was a moody sod and did not enjoy my company all the time. As the weeks went by we both started to chat and chat due to the same kind of likes and age diff of only 3 years my younger, she also encouridged me to loose weight and over the time since we met I have now lost over 7 stone and now look like the man i used to be. We were are both buggers by that i mean big hearted and caring with a streak of enjoying being naughty, so the relationship grew with my ego going through the roof and her life from being boring to becoming a new day of exitement day after day in the summer of last year we reolised this but fell in love good an propper but always had the issue of the kids in the way so we tried and tried and tried to stop our affair and believe me when i say that we have put our nerves no the edge and back. My new found lover had to leave my work in September because her husband found out about the affair and we thought at the time this would stop our madness, and because of the location from home I have been able to keep it way from my own partner. Ever time we drifted away we told each other not to get in touch but my lover was never able to keep this promise and after a few weeks she would get back itouch and then the circle would begin again every time this happened it changed my feelings for my partner and she picked this up but could not understand why this was also the same for my lover but with the difference that her husband knew and mine did not know the truth, her husband bt the way is 10 years older than her. In January of this year changes at work again put presure on me to sort my life out and am in the process of changing my life now for the good with work. I started to work out my affair and why we were doing this nothing we had not been talking about over the last year or so but when you have time with your own thoughts you can do so much more to reolise what is wrong plus my biggest gift in life is i can work out things logicly due to my dislexia as you will proberbly see with my spelling. the last two weeks really got on top of me with the affair and i had to become mentaly strong for work changes and so i did thank god, I told my lover that i had to move on not because i doid not love but because i had responcibilitys to take care of. again she reacted in the same way as before and told me she was leaving her husband then the penny dropped after putting me and her through hell, that was she could not break away for what reason she ownly knows she does say its the kids only and i dont really believe this but dont know. It has now been 5 days since this and then i did the knee jerk reaction of regaining my failing relationship so you got the words that came out of my head on monday my own partner replied with this..... (My Partners reply) First i want to say thank you for waking me up & do appreciate the sacrifice you have made with the kids by doing so.I know a fortnight does not make everything right but i do feel a lot better by sorting the house & myself out. I have had more of a loving relationship with the kids this last fortnight than i have in a long while,i know they need more discipline & can see that now not just for us but for them also.We are so lucky to have 3 beautiful children that we love & they love us back.. I will always admire you as a worker nobody has worked or tried harder than you have & you certainly have'nt given up without a fight,you should feel proud of what you have achieved & sacrifced i know i do. My weight is a major factor on my life & the way i am,i do not feel attractive even when i do make an effort because i suppose in the back of my mind i know i can look so much better & this is why i have no confidence,so this has to be a priority to me.I am so proud of what you have done you look fantastic & for a long time i felt physically attracted to you on sunday i know i havent give you any encouragement with this & i feel sorry for that so keep it up. I do enjoy going out but i think the top & botton of it is the confidence again it makes me insecure ,when i think back i had more confidence than i needed & that is hard for me to relate to now. As far as the past goes my thoughts are that is where it should be left because i have realised that while i am living in the past i have no future ,you did hurt more than you will ever know but you have said sorry & say you have learned from your mistakes so i accept that & i feel i have to bring it up because it had taken over my life but i dont want to mention it anymore. You have done a lot for me i can only see that now & i know i haven't shown my appeciation you have said things recently & i know i havent give you any feedback & that must be frustrating especially at a time when you have so much going on at work & i am sorry for been so selfish & stubborn i should have supported you like you have me but once again i can only see that now, i know there is no-one who can make me feel like you do happy or sad & i dont want to throw that away. All i want is for you & me to feel wanted & loved & our happiness back..... (the End) So i am now here Friday morning saying still what do i really want I have woke up each morning with the same feeling I need my lover and have tried to write down each moring before going to work the real reasons why i am in this mess I think the above has shown I have given my problem the time it deserves and do think that my lover is doing the same thing, I have come to the conclusion that it is all down to repect!. Because on Monday we said our last good byes again and left the door open to keep intouch at birthdays only why?. Because i think if we do keep our promise and not get in touch other than the birthdays we will show each other the respect that we havent shown our partners. Wow hope you followed all that! if you have a differnt view on this i would love to hear about it cos although i was here trying to help you out it seems like its turned on its head. Thanks anyway for your views....

I made a list and here it is my partner also has problems with depression too, you will see i have not told her my true problem with the love thing but i cant because of the dipression i can give you her reply too...... it is important to understand that I have worked out that you do love me in your own way but don't love me in the way that I need loving and this is that you don't pay attention to what is important to me and that is me. with regards to talking to me I know you do have to try to have a conversation with me so guess that will never change but please keep trying because to share your thoughts is the key to our relationship going forward. I am not happy with my job because of circumstance more than anything I want to move to ~~~~ and make a go of ##### but now the areas are going to be taken a way it is going to be to hard a struggle for me to keep interest in the job and so I am going to ##### business partly because I want this to happen and because ##### has now been taken to his limits. Although for some years we have not wanted to share our lives with our parents I believe it is time you made up with your family like I have with mine and you will see a difference by doing that and I know I have also had a negative approach to this and am truly sorry. Your jealousness towards me is not good in fact it can only make things worse so you have either got to sort it out by understanding it or go and seek advice I am sure there are places where you can go to help you with this. All this is not about you it just involves you I have worked a lot out in my own head about me in the main and I have not given you the respect you need to make you feel and act like the true woman I love and know. with regards to our weight problem this has not helped and by making an effort does make a big difference to your life and mine I guess because u are beautiful in fact you have a very good figure and a lovely face so you must open this up again and show it off because you are a loyal person who does not have to do it for others but you should do it for me. Our kids are the most precious thing in life rite now and boy this has shown hard on me by doing what I have done but they need to be treat like children more often and this must be started with discipline. Meeting people and going out I do enjoy with you but it is fare to say when you go out you must enjoy other peoples company other than mine to have a good time and this could help you with your jealousy. I think I have covered the important things wrong between us and would welcome your thoughts about me to help you with issues you have different to mine

ok here is a different approach to your problem i have just ended an affair with a woman that i truly did fall in love with due to my comitments with my wife and 3 children and the fact that faling in love makes you do things you some times dont want to do. I work long hours and have been in my relationship for 15 years now with a woman who i now reolise is worth better than me for what i have done but it is not all one sided. for some time my partner has let her self go and has took the spark out of our relationship and not given me the confidence that i need to continue with my job by not talking to me and so i took interests in other things mainly my pc and two years ago i was working on my pc and as i was registered to icq i got an inoccent request to have a chat this woman was devorced and one can only say desarate for attention and as i innocently chatted away things developed in to what can only be said as a stup mistake i took the bait because of the problems at home but tried to look at it as a bit of fun due to the woman being at the other end of the world litterly. but to my mistake my partner quickly picked up on my flirting and it blew up in my face big time after that things went from bad to worse i tried on more than 1 occasion to tell her why but she would not listern i then had a new job oppertunity a long way from home where i stayed away for 4 nights a week the new challenge was good for me to work hard and enjoy my new job and 3 months after i was away a new co worker started who started to become friendly with me i did not notice this at first but then one night the penny dropped that she liked me and i reached out to her and told her the same one thing lead to another and then we ended up falling in love mainly because we had things in common and we could comunicate with each other well and as most of the affair was over the fone this also is why. it got to the stage where your partner is now i guess where i was doing everything to keep away from my own partner to avoid the conflict but because my new found love and i both had kids we eventualy worked out the love thing and decided to do the right thing for our family, i dont regret this as it opened my eyes to the real problems at home with my partner and with me i am now on the right road and am building bridges at home and would say the key to any relationship is respect.

after a weekend of total torment and hell for the pair of us (the delinquents) is our new name is, we have made a vow not to keep tormenting each other with the reality of life without the kids and i am pleased to say my mind AT the moment and hers (my lover) is calm and focused to get on with life for now without each other and we can hope and pray that our farr flung dream will come true after the kids have grown up. Reality says this will never happen but i guess i can cope with this, we are going to keep in touch with each other but not in the same way we have done and I am going to make a life changing move in my job to make this even more difficult for me not to be available for her or me. I dont believe in fate but i do believe in love it is the most powerful thing that i have come accross in my life to date and i hope and pray it will stay with me because the true love i feel from my lover and the love in me i have for her is wonderful it is better than life and it is the one thing that can make you change your life for the better if you know how to cope with it. i would be gratful if anyone out thier has been in this situation and how they have coped with it or not and am i really dreaming when we say to each other that we could still be their for each other after waiting for our kids to grow up and be in the big bad world that i am in now. I could go on and on about my love but i am not because words do not mean anything to me anymore that feeling says it all WOW. Am i happy am i sad no i am not i am focused on my short term and that is to carry on living life one day at a time without regrets I have had so much to learn from this it is amazing and wish anyone who gets in to my situation not to fight it but to let it take its own route you just cant stop it no matter how hard you try.

The story is a little longer I do not enjoy being my own boss I would prefer to work without total responcibilty and over the past few years I made business decissions that are not to my liking making it even harder for me to keep up with my natural instinct to fight to work out of this. All this to one side believe that this also would give me the opertunity to start again in life with someone i love and respect and then do the right thing for every one involved. by this i mean not involving my family like i am with my infidelity as they are very supportive over the situation and also give me their blessing if we ever did get it together. any other views that may have been like this would also be of much benifit to me

Well here goes hope you follow this! I own a long standing business and last year moved to one of my offices that was a long way from home where I have a wife and 4 kids after a 3 month hard slog at turning things round at work I set on my lover and at that time was so pre occupied with work I did not really notice her, after a few weeks it became obvious that we were becoming friendly with each other to the extent that 2 months after she started I had to tell her this she reacted by confirming her feelings for me. We then spent three months working together and acting like man and wife until we fell in love and that's when my life changed because since this time we keep trying to be together but have failed on every occasion due to the fact that I am married with kids and she is too. But we cannot stop seeing each other regardless of the consequences she has now had to leave work because her husband knows of the relationship we have but still my wife is un aware. I no longer have any feelings for my wife and my lover tells me the same but still we cannot find a way of being together without plenty of heartache and pain it may bring. We both have tried repeatedly to stop seeing each other but without any joy and feel as if we can never do so. What can we do to either be together or keep away? Can some one please help because it is sending us both crazy?