penfold

Funky Girl, I know exactly what you mean. I'm currently in an 18 month relationship which is making me unhappy. Why? Because I don't think she's the one! Why? Because Lizzie is! Lizzie was my best friend / on off girlfriend for 3 years while at university - I knew she was the one for me, we were soul mate! But....she didn't seem to think so! My current GF is fantastic, but I'm constantly fighting the relationship because I know I am capable of stronger feelings. I love her but not as much as I loved Lizzie! Which is causing major probs! My life is going stale, I'm not moving on, I don't know my future. It's very tough and not much fun. I think if you still have feelings for someone else it always is hard. If you're like me you probably wish you were single simply because being in a relationship (in your case married) means that you can't have him....or maybe you think that it means even if he did want you you'd never know because he'd never tell you - after all you are married! I don't know about getting in touch. Is he in a relationship? Would he want you? He may not! In which case you have to ask....am I only unhappy with my marriage because of my love for him? Or, am I unhappy because the relationship I'm in isn't right? It sounds like you are having doubts! Even if he didn't want you would you still like to be 'available' again? If so...maybe it's not your this old BF you want to be with, just someone more like him. Hope this has helped you a bit. Sorry if I have gone on..just sounds like our situation is so simlar I thought it might help! x Matt

I'm a mess at the moment and it's really beginning to affect me. I met my girlfriend over a year ago now whilst working in my last job. She was dream girl! I had never met or spoken to her but spotted her in the early days at my last job. A few months later word got to her department (as I had hoped it would) and I received an email out of the blue...from her! It simply read 'Hi!' We met up and after a few dates started going out. We got close very quickly spending all our spare time together (sometimes too much for me as I felt I was missing out on the rest of my socail life!) I let this pass as I was a bit smitten and hadn't had a serious relationship before. I very quicky had doubts that although she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen she was not the one for me. I felt she was more into the relationship than I was. Relationship fell somewhere in the middle of my priority list however for her it came a lot higher up. All her friends were in relationships, mine were mostly single. I had enjoyed a rich and varied social life with friends around the country, she had grown in Nottingham and had never known anywhere else. I was very independent (having grown up at a boarding school and travelled solo around the world) She was still living with her parents (at 26!) Despite all of this I wanted to try and make it work, I thought it would get better but......over a year on these doubts still remain. I got a new job last August and had to move about 2 hours away to Cambridge. For the last 5 months we have been seeing each other at weekends - taking it in turns so do the travelling. Talk has now turned to us movin in together and I'm getting scared. I love her to bits, she's adoreable - and she adores me, but I just can not see a long term future together. I've just come back from a weekend at hers. I had travelled down to end it but when I saw her at the door I just couldn't. (We had a fantastic weekend.) The thought of ending it fills me with horror. Her parents treat me like their own, I get birthday / chrismas presents from her grandparents..... On top of this there's the fact that I love her soo much and don't want it to end?! (confusing? yep, it is!) She is amazing and doesn't deserve to be hurt. The thought of never seeing her again makes me well up! This is now beginning to get me down. I have thought of nothing else for 8 weeks or so now and am having trouble sleeping. I just can't make up my mind!