velour

I am only on Day #4 of my own "No Contact." (Even though we broke up over a year ago). So I can TOTALLY relate to how you are feeling. In fact, this morning I was feeling confident, and thinking I was better off, and then when I came home from work I was in tears again. The point is, our emotions are going to be all over the place for a while. The key is to stick to your guns and NOT contact him...because if you do, you may feel better for a minute, but it will set you back to square 1. And as far as him "not caring," I think he does. I'm sure he's thinking about you to. But you know what? Right now it's better that he doesn't call. I doubt my ex is going to call anytime soon. But I'm sure she still wonders about me. Remember, this is a healing process. There's no quick fix, and it's going to take time. Just know that you are doing the right thing in not calling. Focus on other things if you can. Good luck!! 8)

thanks for the replies. yeah, i guess i have a pretty good understanding of things...BUT that doesn't mean i'm having an easy time of things. it really kills me that she is with someone new now. but now i am focused on moving on, as opposed to before, where i was focused on getting her back.

Hello, First I would like to say that I think this site is great. The insight I have received while reading other people's stories has been amazing. It really helps to know that you aren't alone... Now for my story. I dated my ex throughout college, and some time after we graduated. It was about 3 years total, we lived together for 2 of those years. The last year of our actual relationship, things started to change. I could tell her interest in me was wavering, as she seemed to have "crushes" on other guys (even some of my friends). In all fairness, I was also feeling some of that. I think because we were in such an intense and serious relationship, after a while we started to burn out a little bit. So after we graduated from college, we both moved back in with our parents. This put us over 2 hours away from each other, although we agreed that we wanted to stay together. We did the long distance thing for about 7 months. However, when we moved home, I really started appreciating what I had with her. I was really in love with her and wanted to make it work. She seemed to be pulling away though, becoming less interested in the relationship. Then, right before Christmas of last year, she called me on the phone to tell me she wanted to break up. Her reasoning was that "even though she loved me and could marry me and be 100% happy, she felt like she was too young for something so serious, and needed to date other people to see what else was out there." We had plans to spend Christmas together, which were obviously ruined...I had to return all her gifts, and it basically ruined my holiday season. At first, I kept calling. And from what I've read here, that seems to be a typical response. I would plead, and ask why, and wanted nothing else than to resolve things. That approach obviously didn't work. I still feel stupid for not having enough self-respect to not call. That sort of groveling got me nowhere, and honestly probably made me look pretty pathetic. As the months passed, we continued to talk, and did see each other a couple of times, although it was a little awkward. Around this time, I had met someone new, who I really liked. Of course, as luck would have it, my ex started calling me alot, and we started dating again. So I threw away my potential new relationship to try things again with the ex. We saw each other a couple times a month, and when we were together, it was as if we never broke up. I still gave her all my love just like I did when we were together...although she didn't reciprocate all those feelings. I was giving more than I was receiving, but I kept on because I was filled up with false hopes. We continued to see each other and "date" up until the middle of December. So, that's A YEAR of post-breakup "dating," during which I never got what I wanted so badly. This past year, I've slipped in and out of a horrible depression. And you know what? On some level, I did it to myself...because continuing that situation took the heartache of the breakup and streched it out. I could never fully heal, because I was constantly irritating my wounds. In a way, she was always honest with me, she always told me that she couldn't have a boyfriend right now, blah blah blah. Basically what would happen was, when we hung out or talked, she would act just like she did when we were together, then later on she would pull back. It was constantly one step forward, two steps back. I should mention that during this past year, I have dated other people as well. However, she always got really jealous and possesive anytime she felt like that was going on. BUT, I never directly told her when and who I was seeing. But although I went on a few innocent dates, I was very disinterested, and actually turned away about 3 different girls, all hoping to reconcile with the ex. SO, two weeks ago she calls me to inform me she is seeing someone new. I really wish she didn't tell me. She still has no idea I dated other people, because to me telling her would have been pointless. However, she told me and requested that I tell her when I start seeing someone new. I really can't agree with that. I don't want to know what she is doing, it only makes it harder. Anyway, when she first told me she was seeing this other guy, I was cool about it, and told her we could continue on with business as usual. THEN, I finally called her back last Friday and told her that this situation isn't going to work for me. I FINALLY had the guts to break away, and tell her we couldn't talk anymore. The reality is, I'm still broken-hearted, because in a sense we've never really broken up until now. I'm filled with anger about her seeing someone new, especially since it seems like they are going to become exclusive. So when she told me she "didn't want a boyfriend right now," what she was really saying was "I don't want YOU for a boyfriend." So, since last Friday I have had no contact with her whatsoever. And unlike past attempts at no-contact, I know this time it's real. It actually makes it easier to NOT call when I know she's seeing someone else. In a way, my anger about that keeps me from calling. I know that being angry and resentful shouldn't last. I'm trying to put everything behind me. I'm starting to realize that this end is actually a beginning. Because for so long I've been SOO down. And now I am finally ending the unhealthy cycle I was in. I can say that my friends and family have been incredibly supportive, although they all thought I was foolish to continue seeing her. However, their advice did give me the strength I needed to finally break away from her. Will the "no contact" rule bring her back? Who knows. Honestly I'm probably better off. Everyone deserves someone who fully appreciates them. When we finally decided to stop talking, we did mention that we would eventually talk again. Afterwards I decided I would NEVER call or email her again. I took her numbers out of my phone and delted her from my buddy lists. BUT, I know she'll call eventually. And I'm hoping by that time, I am strong enough to NOT answer the phone. One thing I've learned is that if you wrap your life around someone else's feelings, you neglect yourself. I recently realized how many things I have going for myself...great family, friends, good job, recording an album with my band, and so forth. I was so focused on an unhealthy relationship that I forgot how great *I* am. And while I am still saddened by the whole ordeal, and still wish we could somehow work it out, I'm going to stay strong. You can't live your life based on false hopes, or long shots. Sooner or later you have to see things for what they really are. It's hard, especially when someone's reason for walking away is something like "I just can't be in a serious relationship right now" or "I need to be able to live without you" or "I need to see what else is out there so I know if I want you." Those are the reasons I got, and it's really horrible. Because reasoning like that isn't black and white. Who knows what's really going on in her head. You know what? I'm probably better off not knowing. Either way, for the past year I've continued to give her everything that I did when we were together, and now SHE'S going to have to see what it's really like to be without me. And I'm finally acceping the truth and beginning to move past it. Just wanted to share that. Any thoughts are welcome. Joe