Blondie176
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Thanks CE I am pleased with myself for reaching 16 days, i guess i thought it would get easier, not harder. My ex has no idea what i am thinking because we havent spoken in 16 days, our last chat was all about this and that and nothing at all. All very polite but no mention of us. His last words to me were, '' Catch up soon, take care xxxx'' .... The time before when we spoke he told me he still loved me, he had made a terrible mistake being with her blah de blah, yet he is still with her. I know him and i know he will not make contact, he is happy and he wont rock that boat. I have to get past this, either that or just spend my life missing him. Thanks g3....I am getting on with other things and sometimes he isnt in my head at all..then its like i remember that i am not thinking about him and wham! He is back in my head. The quiet times are the worse though, alone time. I cant be with people 24-7. I am just pissed off with feeling like this, i just want this knot in my stomach to go away and i want to move on. I see people in this thread saying Day 90 and such.... god please i am not here in 90 days! xxx
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Day 16 I dont really have much to say this evening, its day 16 and i thought id be so pleased with myself for getting this far but all i feel is the distance between us getting bigger. He has moved on and is happy, i am heart broken and grieving. I am not the mess i was on day 1 the first time, or even the second time so i have improved but i find that he is always there in my mind, wondering how he is, where he is, if he is ok, does he miss me, is he really happy with her, will i hear on the grapevine soon that they live together, engagement, baby and so on.... will he ever contact me, does he ever stop and think of me.... i am boring myself with this crap. I wish i could turn off my mind. Anyway, for someone who didnt have much to say i went on a bit hey? Roll on day 17. xxx
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Day 15 Isnt this supposed to get easier as the days go by? I am feeling crap today, i am back to aching for him, i am missing him so much tonight. Im missing him more than ever. I want him to contact me so badly, just a hello..anything. I am back to panicking that he really has forgotten me, he really has moved on, he really doesnt love me anymore, he really is happy with her. I am back to feeling nervous about life ahead without him. Back to thinking, '' What about me? What do i do now? How do i go forward without him?'' I dreamt about him last night, such a weird dream. We were in a house and there was some sort of armed raid going on, men with balaclavas and guns shooting up the place and anyone who they came accross. It was chaos, people screaming, hiding, running, dying. I was hiding under a table, he was running past and he saw me, i called out to him ..''Help me'' He hesitated, he face was saying that he didnt want me to slow him down, he really wasnt sure if he should help me or carry on... but he did reach out for my hand. Then i woke up. What the hell does that mean? Id love a dream interpreter to analise that one for me. I am guessing it means he doesnt want me hanging around his neck like some dead weight, holding him back from his new life. It made me feel pretty down. 15 days and not a peep, nothing. This is depressing. I hope you guys are having a better day than i am. xxx
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G'night...tomorrow is another day
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I really dont know.... I am totally 50-50 on this one. The pain i have felt from this has been just awful and i dont ever want to repeat this, so going back would mean risking going through this again. I am not sure my heart could take it. But then again, i am crazy about him, would i be a fool not to try again if i had that chance? I guess the day when i say confidently that i would pick going forward, is the day i truly start to heal.
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Would you go back though? If you had the choice of going back or going forward to a time when you no longer hurt, which would you pick?
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You make perfect sense. I guess for them they had already left us before we knew about it. Mine certainly did, he had plonked me in the friend zone for 2 months while he was getting to know her, i was his safety net and i didnt even know it. Nice eh?
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LOL aye but the honeymoon stage doesnt last forever, when they come out of that we will be long gone... maybe even in our own honeymoon stage with someone new.
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Thanks xxx I am the same, i feel like a phony giving out any advice because i am finding it hard to swallow what i give out. I think the only thing we have on our side is time. Plain and simple..time moves on, it moves us on.. its just moving very slowly at the moment. LOL Im pretty sure all the counting is making time seem slow too. But i am determined to do this bloody 30 day challenge so the counting will remain for me until then! xxx
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Well Hello Day 14 So this is what day 14 feels like. I have broken my previous records of days 12-13 and finally got to day 14 YAY! I wish i felt a bit more upbeat though. I seem to be pretty much ok when i am busy, or in good company. I can forget him ( almost) when i am distracted, but even then he creeps in to my mind. Nothing like when i am alone though. alone with my thoughts and i am thinking about him too much. I am thinking about them together, doing the things we did and i am jealous as hell of that. Jealous of that honeymoon stage (( they have been together 3 and a bit months now) jealous of him being happy while i am miserable without him. I had a sad moment last night when i was falling asleep, i was remembering our first times together and i felt so sad, but i couldnt cry. There were no tears, maybe i ran dry LOL Anyway... same old..same old really.. *sigh* xxx
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Day 13 - Take 3 Ok so i made it through the dreaded day 12, now to kick day 13's ass! What is it about day 12-13 for me? I am having anxiety attacks because i am freaking out that if i dont make contact he will think i dont care anymore ***! He is the one who lied, he is the one who was seeing someone for 2 months while still stringing me along. He is the one who broke my fcking heart and tossed me aside like a piece of ****.... yet i am worried that he might think i dont care anymore...seriously come on now. Urrh.. roll on day 14!!!! xxx
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This would be my worst nightmare come true! Use this time to not only heal but to improve you in all ways possible, that way if you do bump into them- her you will look bloody fantastic, not the wreck she is probably thinking you are. Does wonders for your self confidence too when you look good you generally feel good. xxx
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You will get there, its such a cliche but time really does heal. The early days are hell, no doubt about that but time moves us all on, whether we go willing or not. GO with what you feel with no resistance and that ride will be somewhat more comfy..struggle and fight against it and the ride is tougher.. but either way the ride will carry you. Try to think of it as being in the sea, the waves and current sweep you off your feet, sure you can struggle, you wont beat the sea though, best to let the waves carry you. Something i read when i first went into heart break avenue was '' The only way out is through!'' Its true, you have to go through all the crap to come out the other side. Know that thousands and thousands of people are having their world turned upside down as we speak. Not all of them post here, obviously lol..but many do and have done. Read the thread from the beginning and see peoples journeys for yourself. It helps. Most of all though, keep talking ( posting) get those thoughts and feelings out, whether that be through friends or a diary or here. Dont bottle them up. Slowly, day by day it does get easier, i am in no way healed or over him but if i compare myself to my day 1.2.3.4.5.6.7 ( 1st attempt) i have improved heaps. You will too. xxx
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You do have someone, you have me, you have all the other posters here. x Day 1-7 the first time round almost killed me, i couldnt breath, eat, sleep or be bothered with anyone or anything. I was obsessed with him, i couldnt think of anything else. It really is hell on earth BUT it really does start to ease off. You have to go with what you feel in that moment. If you want to cry, then cry! Shout, then shout! Punch a pillow, then punch it! Let those feelings come, crying is the bodies way of releasing negative emotion and it does do wonders for your well being, it may not feel like it right now, but it does. Is it weak to have feelings and emotions??? I dont think so, its human. Dont be so hard on yourself, you are broken now but time will move you on. Hang on in there xxx
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Day 12 - Take 3 Uhhh its day 12 again and this is when i cracked the first time, the second time was day 13. Helpp! I have that same feeling i had last time i broke NC, i feel like i need to speak to him, like if i dont i will regret it or something. Thing is, both times i spoke to him before didnt change anything. He is still with her. I have to get through today and tomorrow, i wonder what day 14 feels like LOL I need to know! I also hate the idea of going back to day 1, its so depressing to start over, plus i am determined to see this 30 days through, christ if i cant go 30 days then how can i go the rest of my life? Today i miss him too much. xxx
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Sending a big cyber hug your way skheehee xxx
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Aw bless you. Its time for YOU now. This woman is taking the piss out of you, she knows you adore her so she uses that to her advantage regardless of how much pain it causes you. Also what is she doing having you in her bed when she is with someone else??? She doesnt sound very nice, IMO. Everyone has a line and maybe she has crossed yours? Something has made you read and post in a NC thread, so hopefully you are ready to stop being a doormat? Take it one day-hour-minute, if you have to- at a time, come here and post when you feel that urge to contact her. You deserve more than what you are getting! xxx
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Day 11 - Take 3 I am nearing the dreaded days 12-13 where i broke NC twice before and i am feeling the need to speak to him again. FFS! The past few days i have felt ok ( ish) and now i feel anxious and crap all over again. I hate this, i just want to be done with this whole stupid heart break crap. I am wondering what i am missing? Is it him? Or us? Or just the company i was so used to? I still have a hard time believing he has tossed me aside like this like i am nothing. I would never ever of had him down as cold hearted, how wrong i was! Meh..i guess i am having one of those days, which i knew would come back. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully i feel a bit brighter. I hope you guys are all doing ok there xxx
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Day 10 - Take 3 Nothing new to report in really, he has well and truly moved on and i want to do the same. NC all the way! xxx
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Hang on in there, i know its such a cliche but time does heal, it also moves us on one way or another. The early days are hell but you will come through this, i promise you that xxx
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Days 8-9 (Take 3) HI fellow NC's.. Went out last night and i actually enjoyed myself, i had way too much to drink and am feeling crap today though But, i am glad i went out, i had a few moments when certain songs came on that reminded me of this and that but i soon picked myself up and danced my ass off and had a blast Today i keep getting a thought running through my mind- i keep thinking that maybe i dont like him very much anymore...Im not sure where this is coming from but i am thinking about how cold he has been, how he has tossed me aside like a piece of rubbish he no longer needs, how he replaced me so easily. These arent the actions of someone id like to know. I dont think i even know him. The past two years seem like a dream or something, something that wasnt real. Its very odd. I dont even know if i am making sense? All i know is that as time passes ( over 5 weeks now since he told me about her) the pain in my heart is not as painful. I havent cried in days, i am not bombarded with thoughts of him and her constantly like i was before, i am eating, i am sleeping mostly ok and i can see light at the end of the tunnel for me when once there was only darkness. Pretty sure i will do a 180 anytime soon, i know how this works lol..but for now i feel ok. Hope you guys are hanging in there too xxx
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Agreed. I think when we are heart broken we tend to put them on a pedestal, making out they were some sort of god-dess... they werent.. its just an illusion our messed up minds are creating.
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Day 7 - Take 3 I am getting a bit bored of all the counting now lol It feels like i have been counting forever! I have a good mate coming round this evening and tomorrow night i am going out dancing for the first time since this whole bs began. One minute i really want to go, let my hair down and have some fun, my spirit needs some fun.. the next minute i just cant be bothered..i will force myself though. As for him, meh... i am beginning to see things a bit clearer, certain things about him that really got on my nerves like his lack of motivation for finding work and the way he would always walk away when the going got tough ( he would get in his car and drive half way accross the country and tell no-one and lay low until whatever situation had blown over, leaving me worried sick to his where-abouts) ..and a few other things were weighing me down regarding him. Those things are her problem now. All that said though, i wish so badly that he would make contact, but i think it might be an ego thing on my part LOL.. meh just to know he hasnt forgotten me completely i guess.
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Day 6 - Take 3 I quote the day before so i know what day i am on. Just a FYI... Today i feel a bit indifferent to the whole thing, bear in mind that its been just over a month since he told me about the other woman and two periods of NC in that month, one of 12 days, one of 13 days. We havent spoken much at all since June 2nd when he finally grew a spine and told me about her. So even though its only day 6, i already feel very separate from him. Which is sad, not long ago we were each others rocks. Now we are becoming strangers. xxx
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