aeubanks72

DAY 3 NC sorry forgot to post yesterday! Im doing fine with it.Like I said this is the second time at NC,he broke it first and even tho I was happy I finally heard from him,I realized after emailing back and forth for a week,that his initial contact wasnt really a good thing. He made me feel bad,he made it look as if i was out whoring around and that hurt my feelings.At first i took it as a joke,but he really did feel like I was doing that and it hurt,that he had such little respect for me. The thing is,we had what you called an "open relationship" and ya'll may look down on me for it,but that is how we both chose to live,and it was in that lifestyle. Anyway,when we were together we had a paid membership to this website,we were looking for a single female,for a long,ongoing friendship.Kind of like a gf to share.Well,after we broke up,we changed our profiles,and started looking seperatly.Ok so thats where this email comes in,he sees me on this site chatting alot,and he assumed I was out hooking up with guys I chatted with.This is just not so.I loved him so much,and always told him I could never be with something else.He knew this,thats why it hurt so bad when he said that to me.Its going to be awhile before Im able to date or anything like that.I want to make sure that Ive changed for good,I want to take this time to work on me,not chase guys.Anyways,I realized his emails werent good,even tho he broke contact.And thats not what I want. I want good emails.If hes not giving that to me,then I dont want to talk to him.So I started NC again.Im going to continue working on me,and not think about him.Its his choice if he wants to continue to assume. He still thinks it im sure,hes always checking my profile,and checking my my fb to see what im up too.O'well let him.With the way he acted after the break up,and all the comments,Im really starting to wonder If I really want him back!! Also I want to add that since I have no real experience with normal healthy relationships other then this last one,Ive done so much research and reading articles and books on understanding men and how to have the relationship I want and deserve.I read that no matter who is to blame it takes 2 to make a relationship work,and 2 to make it fail.So Ive really tried and looked back and wrote it all down.And I honestly know that he made his share of mistakes as well,but with his ego and stubborness he will never acknowledge it.I dont think even with me changing and fixing my issues,if he dont work on himself,then no point in getting back together,cause it wont work.He thinks he done no wrong.But hes afraid of commitment,he dont communicate,he acts as if nothing bothers him,and he keeps crap in.He had lied to me,I caught him.He had such a bad marriage,she never allowed him to do anything or go anywhere without her.And always griped about it.So one day,he lied to me about going to the mall.I think he wanted to go by himself to buy a bday present for his daughter,and instead of just saying Im going to the mall and I want to go by myself he didnt. When I txtd him and asked what he was up too,he said he was running errands with his mom,well i was on my way to the store,which goes past his house,I saw there truck parked in the drive,so I assumed they were done I stopped to say hi to him and his mom,when she answered I,she always lets me in,asked for him she said she dropped him off at the mall,I was like uhhhh ok I said I just talked to him he said he was out with you running errands.She said he was,but I dropped him off when we were done,I was like ok let him know I stopped.So when i left I txtd him and asked if he was still running errands and he said yeah.So right then I knew he was lying.And couldnt understand why.I still dont.And i was like ok.I knew why it was cause his ex wouldve made a huge deal out of it.But he never even gave me a chance to react.He just assumed i wouldve gave him a hard time about it.Which I wouldnt have,I wouldve wondered why,but i wouldnt have cared.The thing is he didnt have to lie,plain and simple.I never thought he wouldve ever lied to me,which made me wonder if there was anything else he lied about.Then he turned it around and was mad at me saying he didnt like me just showing up unannounced to his house.Cause that is what i did that day,but I know if he had been home that day,he wouldnt have cared if I just showed up,he was just mad cause he got caught in a lie.So he made his mistakes,but not willing to own up to them like I did.Sorry so long,I tend to talk alot,which Im working on that lol soooo sorry

Hmmmm Ok! well i was in NC for almost a month,he broke it,weve emailed back and forth for a week.But I realized that even tho he broke it,i responded and he kept responded,his responses werent really positive and I think (not sure) that maybe he was doing it to keep me hanging on a thread,and making sure I wasnt hooking up or seeing other people.So as of last night he responded,I decided to do NC again today.. DAY 1 NC (again) I wanted to write him and tell him off lol because I felt as if his responses werent meant for nothing but to hurt me,i didnt know this when he broke it tho,I was just happy he actually contacted me first in 4 months.Im a fool. I started thinking back to everything,friends off and on for 13 yrs and serious relalatinship for a few months,I am so in love with him,he was my first love,my one and only love actually.At 39 i finally found it,and it hurt so bad that he would give up so easily,i didnt think the mistake I made was bad enough for a break up,neither did is mom actually,she felt bad for me and didnt understand either,she thought after time he'd get over it.But its been 4months and hes so cold to me like I cheated or something.Its like I love him but I hate him at the same time. Hes been hurt so many times its like hes punishing me for the bad experiences. Hes told me that Im alot like his ex wife,and let me tell ya IM NOTHING LIKE HER..he just has it in his mind I am. I dunno but I started NC today,Im not playing his games.

This is really good advice.I have actually done NC for about 6wks,he broke it cause he "assumed" cause I had a lunch date that I was "hooking up" with guys lol..So he actually read this on my fb I posted.Well for one just means he was checking up on me and two he was jealous which I actually didnt intend to do,I was having lunch with a business partner. But all the same it shook him up,I NEVER EVER thought he would break it,he is so stubborn.However we emailed back and forth,but it wasnt going the way it shouldve been.He is just his ego is messed up lol I dont get it. So I waited for a response and decided to not respond and go back to NC,I am not playing his games,and until he wants to actually initiate a better contact with me or willing to work on it,I dont want to talk to him.We broke up in January this year,and it was really bad but now Im at the point where Im more secure with who I am,and Im doing things Ive not done,I worked on myself.and I feel that Im worth way more then these few little emails hes been getting.Like hes keeping me on this little string,just so he knows what Im doing or something..LOL like I said Im not playing his game. Im done... thanks again this post defenitly people should follow