mahlina

Everyone has their own preference. Personally, I prefer a guy who's nice over a guy who's not. Nice guys are more attractive to me. At least they're easier to talk to, seem more compassionate, and deep down inside, they seem to have a lot more fascinating things to say. I've been around guys who try to put on this machoman image. They are nothing but a complete turn off for me. I just didn't dig that kind of meathead mentality. Try to hold up a conversation with them. Most of the times, it's the arrogance that turns me off.

 

When a guy's nice, it just shows that he's strong. It takes a strong person to be a nice person, I think. Here's a quote that I love, "Compassion is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength." So, if you are nice, continue on being you, and don't allow people to change you. The world needs a lot more compassionate invdividuals. Btw, I don't know if you ever watch those reality shows on TV, it just disgusts me how people try to buy into this image that being vicious is what makes people respect others. Whatever happened to people being proud of doing good deeds, and being compassionate individuals in general? I know that there's a limit to being nice, but I notice that shift in people's mentalities these days. It's a common trait that I see in a lot of people from where I live. I dig chivalry over cut-throatedness anyday. If anything, I respect people who are nice, rather than those who try to throw on this competitive image. When I see that in someone, I lose respect fast. Just my opinion...

I completely agree with RayKay and Scout.

That's why I said

Keep on believing in yourself. When you carry on with that personal charisma, it will be enough to attract a girl's attention. Hang in there...-Mahlina

I'm not trying to argue here okay? Just trying to cheer the guy up. Read the last part of my message. I told him to believe in himself. That in itself, builds on self-confidence. I don't think that giving advice has to be harsh. I could've said it in a blunt manner, but didn't, due to the fact that Shinbie's sensitive to this issue. Being hard on him won't help either. The best way for Shinobie to resolve things is if realizes things for himself. We're only here to help! It doesn't mean that we have to crush his ego along the way. I'm sure that he will grow out of this, and will find his own resolution. He just needs some guidance, that's all. -Mahlina

 

P.S. A quote that I live by is: Life is what you make of it.

 

Sure, it's nice to feel sorry for ourselves sometimes, but that's where we have to pick ourselves up, not dwell and actually do something with our lives. I've been in countless numbers of crappy situations as a child, mainly due to family troubles. Often times, I didn't have my parents to turn to. Coming from a conflicted background, I always told myself to never give up. That's why I'm truly a survivor to the things that I've been through in my past. If I made myself the victim, then I could've been in a worse position. I don't make excuses for myself.

 

So I do understand what you mean about not making excuses, and pushing for self-improvement, but I also think that he just needs a bit of support here and there, so that he'll eventually realize things for himself some day.

 

Just as a side note: I've seen people give advice on other websites. Some of their responses were pretty vulgar. I don't believe in being mean on the web. In fact, eNotalone's a place where people turn to, when they need emotional support. It's their safe-haven. Public bashing should be the last thing that they need, especially when we already see enough bullying going on in the real world.

 

Lastly, Shinobie...one more thing: If people mistreat you by putting you down, (ie. those girls and some of your friends), then consider it your 'weeding out' mechanism. Use it to your advantage. It's not like you're asking to get mistreated. It's just in their ill character to be that way. Realize that a true friend will never hurt you. That's should be the last of their intentions. Instead, they should be there for you to give you good advice, and care for your well-being, just as you would for them. Sorry it got kind of long, but I truly think that your whole situation will make you a stronger person. Take Care...

Shinobie,

 

I doubt that you're ugly, not especially after that post where you mentioned that waitress complimenting your eyes. If the chick digs your eyes, that probably means that she's digging your other assets as well.

 

About the girls straight up saying those mean things to you, they're probably just mean girls. If you truly were ugly, then people won't be blunt about it. Instead, they'd probably keep their mouths shut and not say anything mean at all. If they do, then something's just messed up in their heads. Also, some girls are really blunt when they joke around. My cousin used to have these friends who were like that. Everytime we hung out, they'd answer their phone calls with a "Hey ugly. What are you doing?" to the friends in their group. I never was close to them. They were too fake for me. Girls like that are just blunt jokers like that. And, they were anything but ugly. They were pretty, but mean girls. It was just their way of joking around. Maybe your bestfriend's approach is the same.

 

Remember how people used to say: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Well, whoever invented that slogan must be in denial. A lot of our perception of ourself is influenced by the people around us. So, it's not easy for people to just say that you can easily shrug it off. But, really, things will get better. It's tough for you because you're also in high school, which is a difficult time because people have this kind of 'crowd pleaser' mentality. They think that being mean is cool, when it's not. I'm sure that you'll run into that girl someday. It's all a matter of opening up from shyness, and actually letting people know you for you from the inside out.

 

In fact, most girls will like you for who you are, not if you have big muscles, if you drive a nice car, etc. It's the qualities that you carry from within, that will attract the right ladies. Ultimately, it's the bond that we're looking for. You'll find that special someone. Keep on believing in yourself. When you carry on with that personal charisma, it will be enough to attract a girl's attention. Hang in there...-Mahlina

Always Hopeful, sorry to hear about your job. I guess you can look at it this way, find something else to do as an extracurricular activity? Actually, being a single parent must be hard, so I do hope that you're finding the time for yourself as well. It must be stressful. I'm just on the oppisite end of the spectrum. I'm planning on my career, am in my early 20's, and plan on building a life for myself as well. If I ever do get married, or end up having kids, I also want to make sure that I can rely on myself, just in case if anything should ever happen (tragic death of the spouse...worst case scenario, God forbid, a divorce)..So, it shocks me to hear about your situation. Especially because you gained prestige in your career, and actually made it through, only to feel the way that you do. I surely hope that what you're feeling is only temporary.

 

Perhaps having a spouse other would help to alleviate the stress? When I do settle into a career, I would hope to also find someone who I can come home to, and make sure that my future kids have a father-figure in their life as well. It helps to have someone else be by your side to motivate you. I used to work at a crumby job, and the only thing that made me happy all throughout the day, was to be able to come home, knowing that my ex was there to cheer me up. There's only so much that we can handle on our own, by ourselves...That's why running into that 'right person' is so crucial. It makes life ten times more beautiful, despite how much grief the job might give us, or whatever pain life throws at us. I hope this helps. I haven't been through what you've been through, but I highly admire you for hanging in there. Take care....-Mahlina

Good point. Take DBL's advice. Don't do anything that you'll regret later on. You'll always wonder about 'what if?' If you like her, do let her know. I like it when a guy does it in a subtle approach. You can do it in a cute old school way, by telling her friends that you like her. Good luck to you...

I believe that there is a very fine line between love and hate. Once a person betrays your love for them, that feeling can easily turn into resentment. This applies to interpersonal relationships in general. However, there are people, who you will never like. For me, it's more because I never did anything for them to act so vulgar to me in the first place. I remember going through this once with this kid who always hated on me in class. He was always on my back, the jerk! Geeh, I wonder why. In that case, those who do hate others without knowing them, they're just ignorant.

Basically...be a friend. Show it through your actions. If you like a girl, don't flake on her, especially when she confides in you. Make her laugh. Listen to her when she's down. Bring up things that she mentioned in your past discussions. It shows that you actually listen. All of the little things that you do, will matter the most. It's the small things that a person does, that really counts. Letting a person know that you like them should be more of a natural process, nothing too extravagant. Be yourself, be polite. She'll figure it out from there.

A crush is more of liking a person for their extenal qualities, a built up fantasy of who we think that we like, but we actually don't know who they really are. It's more superficial. Loving someone requires loving a person from the inside out. Love is much deeper. You can have a crush on a person, but that feeling isn't as deep as love. To love someone, you must be able to put yourself in their shoes, empathize how it feels to live their life, and truly accept them for all that they are. That's what true love is. It's unconditional...

 

When people are in relationships, they might find someone else, other than their partners to be attractive, but that won't be enough to cause them to fall out of love with their partners. Seeing is one thing, but touching is another thing.

 

Love is pure. Some people may act on their impulses, and cheat and pursue crushes, hence the side flings. But if that's the case, then to me, that isn't really love. Loving someone requires that little things like finding someone else attractive, shouldn't get in the way of a strong commitment. It should be insignificant, compared to the bond that both partners share. Cheating should be the last thing that's on their mind.

Correction: stifled farters? LoL! Good one. This post reminds me of an inside joke that my cousin and I have. I just can't imagine myself cuddling up next to a guy who's wearing a pink T-shirt! It just ain't Mah's style.

I don't think that I could ever date a metrosexual guy. Now that I think about it, I did once. He was always into shopping more than I was. The topic was: "Let's go to Nordies." (Nordstrom). Nothing's wrong with him wanting to shop, but it kinda got on my nerves. I want a guy who's more like a manyly man. He doesn't have to necessarily dress up all GQ or anything. And, a guy who dresses up in tight t-shirts and tight jeans, is not my preference either. In fact, I love guys who just wear shorts and a t-shirt. Blue jeans, fine. Khakis, nice. Anything simple is even better! Whatever suits a casual style is what I like.

 

But with the other guy, I just felt as though I dated someone feminine. The whole situation was just kind of odd for me.

I remember...one of my ex's was into type R's, although it didn't seem like it. He was one of those people who the type R folks call "Sleepers." For someone in his profession, no one could ever guess that he builds cars as a side hobby. Anyway, one of the things that he did, that I thought was sweet was to let me drive in his type R. (It wasn't one of those ugly looking, wannabe fixed up cars with big wings and fat exhaust pipes slapped on the back of it.) He had mugan parts, and always freaked out about it. One thing that bugged me was when he didn't let me drive in the car that he invested a lot of money in. But, at least he let me drive in his other car, which was also a stick shift. It was FUN!

 

Another one of my ex's let me drive his stick shift too. I thought that was sweet. He taught me how to drive it, and boy was that an adventure, especially when we hit the freeway! I have this thing about guys and allowing me to drive their car. I think that if he likes me enough, then he will let me drive his car!!

 

Other sweet things that a guy does to touch my heart....

 

1. When he tells me stories about his childhood. For some reason, whenever my ex's did this, that's when I started falling deep for them. I don't know why it gets to me, but it does.

 

2. Sing songs...Cuddle up...Tell me bed time stories..add a little humor to it.

 

3. Take care of me when I'm sick. I loved it when I used to get migraines, and one of my ex's would run to his car to get me some Advil/Tylenol. It was sooo cute how he wanted to take care of me. I also loved it when he used to baby me. For instance, he used to feed me first, or prepare lunch. (I also love it when my ex's and I would cook at home together, spend those quiet nights together. It's the little things that couples do together, that adds sentimental value to the relationship.)

 

4. Surprises- plan trips to where it's beautiful and scenic. Also, picinics. It's cute when a guy can be romantic...I love those little surprises.

 

Whatever you do, remember to be sincere with your intentions. Do things from your heart. When a girl see's that you do things from your heart, then she will see your efforts, and appreciate you more for it.

Hi there Tra_flor10,

 

Good advice Day_Walker. I agree. Do not sell yourself short to anyone who isn't nice to you. Keep a guy who treats you with respect. It's hard to spot out people who are going to be true to us. So pay attention to the little things that they say or do. If someone's genuinely interested in you, then they will make the effort to show it to you. But, if there's any chance where you feel as though they're dangling your heart around, by playing with your emotions, then let them go. A relationship with that person is not worth it. Cut that person loose, and don't waste time. Trust me. If a guy likes you, then he'll make the effort to show it.

 

This is what my ex told me, good advice from him...he said, "A guy either likes a girl or he doesn't." He phrased it differently actually. He told me that if a guy likes a girl, then he'll know for sure at get go, if he loves her or not. Now, I don't know if this is true, becaue love develops over time. But I can say that he was one of the most honest b/f's I ever had. He treated me like family, but I started seeing him more as a 'brother' (due to lots of drama that went on in our relationship). Anyway, his point is, with some guys, they make a clear distinction between a 'just for now', verses a 'marriage potential' kind of girl. Although they won't tell the girl upfront which category she belongs to, they will keep it to themselves, and thereforeeee, treat the girl accordingly. I guess this could be the case. I mean, it makes sense, right? No wonder my uncles fell in love with some girls, verses some girls they didn't (although they were with those girls for a long time). For some of them, it's more like 'selective interest.' So, there are nice guys out there, but it just depends on who they want to give their hearts to. Just like with women, vice versa.

 

We're also selective with people who we choose to love too. So, think of it as a how would I treat a person that I like? If you like to be treated a certain way, and treat others the way that you want to be treated, then set it as your standard for someone who treats you right. Put yourself in their shoes. Try to analyze things from their point of view. If they're treating you right, then you can tell by their actions. But if their actions don't show it, then you'll know if they truly were serious about you to begin with. Just look at things from their perspective, then that will be enough to prove who's nice or not. Hope this Helps..

1) If you like someone of opposite sex, will you be upfront and tell him/her immediately that you 'like' him/her?

If I like a guy, I won't tell him upfront that I like him. Instead, if I do like him, I'll wait a while, and see if he's worth investing my emotions in. Then, if I do like him and if he likes me the same, then I'll play along, until he mentions about being exclusive.

 

2) In a situation, lets say if a guy says "Maybe we can go out for dinner sometime just the two of us"

 

a) Do you think the girl should follow up with that statement and mentions about the dinner next time they see each other or do you think the girl should just wait for the guy to ask her out?

I think that it's best that two people both come to an agreement of when to go out for dinner. That way, both people want to enjoy each other's company.

 

b) Also, if a guy mention the above statement, do you think that the guy likes the girl as wanted to develop a relationship with her or just wanted to be nice and be friends?

I don't necessarily think that a guy likes a girl if he's asking her out to dinner. It could be that he enjoys sharing conversations with her, and enjoys her company in general.

 

2) If you are going out for a date, who would usually pay for the dinner?

On the first day? When the guy offers, if I like him, then I'll let him treat me like a lady, and let him pay. But, if I don't like a guy, and don't want to send mixed messages, then I will offer to go dutch or pay for the meal. I don't like to feel as though I'd have to be emotionally obligated to him, or obligated in any other way.

To Sisterlynch: I would say so. I've seen vanilla beans in the seasoning aisle, but haven't seen the vanilla powder extract. I guess it doesn't hurt to try, right? That's another key thing, always have fun with mixing your flavors. The key thing to any fruiit shakes is to be creative. Remember to always balance out your flavors. Yogurt, especially non-fat is good too. I try not to use too much sugar in my shakes. I love strawberries, and since it can get a little sour, I try to balance out the flavor with something not as acidic like bananas (although I hate the taste of bananas).

 

To DBL: if you're allergic to fruits, then I don't really know what else you an do. Maybe you can try out something else non-fruit, like red-beans. There's this Japanese desert that I really love, maybe you can try it too: it's sweetened red-bean paste served on ice slush. You can blend it with your shake. In your case, it's kind of challenging. Sounds like something that the Iron Chef would have to figure out!

Thanks Sisterlynch!

 

I still make my virgin strawberry dacqueries as well. I believe in those shakes because they're actually very beneficial, in terms of anti-oxidants. It's a great way to stay healthy. I think of it as a Britta filter system that purifies your body. It's healthy and efficient. Buy fruits at the local produce, keep it in the freezer, and whip out the blender and blend those fruits whenver antioxidants are needed.

 

Sorbet is actually a great way to add flavor to your shakes. I actually found another ingredient: coconut sorbet with pineapple is really nice too. Try that next time. Buy coconut sorbet, then add pineapple chunks, and a secret ingredient of mine (a little bit of vanilla powder--from pudding mix, it actually not only adds flavor, but gives it a nice smell, without adding too much sugar to the shake.)

 

P.S.- DBL, funny. No... I was just trying to cheer him up. I also think that actor's really cute (actually, one of my ex's used to look like Benicio. *sigh* memories...)

DeadEyes, 6'2'', for someone mature for your age, and you're already health conscious?? You'll find a nice missy someday, just know that.

 

Btw, I don't know if you know that actor Benicio Del Toro, in the movie China Moon...Anyway, you kinda remind me of him, but only in that movie. Benicio...one of my favorite Latin actors. (He is muy guapo! )

 

Keep up with what you're doing. You're on the right track so far...

Hi DeadEyes,

 

Since I'm taking a Foods & Nutrition class, here are some things that I learned that may help you. (Btw, Deadyes, you are in good shape so far. I still remember seeing your picture from way back.)

 

Here are some basic info,

1. Although some people like to preach about cutting down on glucose (carbs), it's actually not the best thing to do. First of all, glucose is a source of energy for the brain. It's the basic source of energy that the body needs to thrive on. If you don't consume enough glucose, then your body will start to burn other forms of energy, which, isn't always the best way of burning off fats, because you're actually hurting your body in the end by unstabilizing the pH balance in your body.

 

Meaning, your body may shift from acidosis to alkalosis, which ultimately is destructive. You're essentially burning off keytone bodies (hence, the smell that people give off when they don't eat...you know that smell right? To me, keytone bodies smell like moth balls. Some people smell like this when they haven't eaten for a while.) Burning keytone bodies throws your body out of whack.

 

2. Instead of relying on breads and pastas for glucose, still rely on it a little, but rely on fruits and veggies for glucose. At least it's simple carbohydrates that provide instant energy for the cells to utilize.

 

3. Proteins- this is what I learned 30-35 kg/per day is about right. Eating too much proteins essentially turns into fats. Remember: "too much of anything is not good. moderation is key." Proteins are important for basic cellular function. It's important because it's the basic component that's the building blcok for amino-acids.

 

4. Saturated vs. unsaturated? You want to keep your diet limited to unsaturated. Unsaturated fats are fats that aren't from animal fats. Some sources of saturated fats include palm oil, coconut oil, and of course animal fats. Also, when using butter or margerine, use margrine. Butter consists of saturated fats, which is harder for your body to burn down because of chemical structural component. Saturated fats are harder to burn down because it is a single-straight chain carbon bond. It's a more stable bond, which makes it harder for your body to break down.

 

Of course, I'm just a student, link removed may actually explain it even better...

 

About doing cardio, then weight lifting...I think that you're on the right track so far. Caridio is important for your heart, helps to get the blood pumping in your body, and burns of glucose quickly. Weight training is good, because building muscles will also help to burn off fat in the long run too.

Hello there Nightrider...

 

My gosh. Don't lose hope! Please don't be so hard on yourself. Yes Mister, you will run into that special someone. It makes me sad to see people say these things. Please don't give up. Just think of it like this: "Save the best for last." Count on your lucky stars. When you meet that lady, you will know. Things will fall into place, and you guys will share a bond like no other. Then, you'll be glad that you waited so long!

 

Just think of yourself as a diamond in the rough, k? Stay strong, and continue on being that nice person that you are. If I can have faith in people like you, then I surely hope that you can have faith in yourself too! Take care. And, remember to smile. You'll run into that special lady when you least expect it. Hang in there! Mahlina

I would have to say that I grew up at a very young age, due to circumstances that I went through. I used to preach to myself a lot when I was 3, on how I cannot afford to let my life go to waste, just because some mishaps happened to me. That's why, I think differently. I kinda had to force myself to grow up a lot faster than I wanted. That's why I've been consistant in what I wanted.

 

How I matured between ages 16-22? I matured in a lot of ways- mostly rediscovering and reinforcing what I want in life. I went from the little miss ghetto chick to a hardcore nerd (not literally, but close ). At first, I tried to force myself to socialize (that's where the ghettoness comes from, mostly attire wise- baggy bell bottom jeans & dyed hair). I made friends on a superficial level, but it wasn't me. So, I grew out of it. My taste in fashion somewhat changed. I still love wearing cotton button up shirts, but I'm also really diggin the sophisticated office look. What was important to me back then, is still important to me now. Except, I worry less about purchasing a house at 25, and hopefully saving enough substancial money for my 401k. I used to freak out about things like that, but now, I don't. Sometimes I feel like a Bohemenian bum, because I don't worry as much as I used to.

 

How did my attitude of males change? I went from SUPER BITTER to LESS bitter. Let's just say, I'm starting to care less, and kinda just shrug things off more. Back then, I was like hotpotato, jumping from one bitter break up to the next. I guess you could say that I lost hope? I could care less about getting into a relationship as I'm getting older. My mentality is: if it's meant to happen, then it will. But, I also developed my own set of rules. It's called the "3 strikes your out policy," something that I personally, firmly abide by.

 

To paraphrase the last few questions..how has my preference changed? I think that it's been pretty consistant. I just have more experiences from dating. I know exactly what I want now. Not 100%, but more like 95. I must say, the heartaches are somewhat worth it. At least, whenever I do encounter new people, I'm able to spot out their alterior motives, and I'm not as naiive as I used to be. But the key quality that's always remained consistant and has always attracted me: a guy with a good heart, someone who is humble, someone who I find attractive in my own way, someone who makes me crack up, and someone who I can care for, and he can care for me, equally. Just someone who is genuine to who he is. I have this ideal image in mind, but just haven't stumbled accross Mr. Right, yet....

 

Nice Topic! Thank you for taking interest in learning about the oppossite sex. I respect that. -Mahlina

I don't know why ex's do this. Why do they want to keep in touch for? Is it for convenience? It's one thing to drop a line and say hi every so often, but it's another thing to extend the conversations. Whenever my ex's call, we catch up on things, but I often tell them "Why are you calling for? We're already done and over with." Of course they're the ones who initially walked out. Obviously they have some kind of alterior motive. So, I don't think that it's necessary to keep in touch with the ex. What for? They already screwed up.

 

About your lady and her keeping in touch with the ex, she needs to realize that this relationship is about you + her, not the ex + her. That's why I don't keep in touch with my ex's. When a person's in a relationship with someone else, it would be disrespectful to have the ex's around, I think.

The emotions that you're going through is perfectly normal for now. It's a part of letting go of someone who you love. I went through that too! It's been close to a year since my ex and I broke up, and what I can tell you is: you will survive. Although the pain seems inevitable, it will go away. It just takes time.

 

As for the ex, I'm sure that he still thinks about you. It's not like he permanantly lost his long-term memory of you, right? I'll tell you what, sometimes, just sometimes, I miss my pudgy papi too! Whenever he calls my downstairs #, sometimes, I'm tempted to pick up the phone and talk to him, but I don't. And, that's what's really helped me a lot, not talking to him. I think the tendency is that we often over-romanticize the relationship. That's why we miss our ex's even more. We think of the positive memories, but don't think of the reasons why the relationship didn't work out in the first place.

 

I know what you mean. But hey, life goes on, right? Take care...

L'eau par Kenzo. My favorite! Definitely Kenzo! My ex loved it when I wore it.

 

Also, Lancome- millennium Rose. Nice fragrance, but it's a limited edition.

 

For a guy, I would have to say...I honestly like it when a guy wears deoderant alone. Calogne kinda gives me a headache. I have more of a tolerance for perfume. At least it has a lighter scent.

 

One more thing, if you want to spoil her, then consider stopping by at Bath & Body works. Pick up the Cotton Blossom collection (lotion & body spray). It's my favorite from B&B, and it's not too expensive. Kenzo's about $35 for a small bottle, I think. You can find it at Sephora. Have fun shopping for her perfume!

I definitely agree. After meeting those kids, I changed for the better. If I hadn't met people like them, then I don't know where I'd be today. Traveling will certainly change your view of life. It's like taking a breath of fresh air.

Excellent advice Crookster_man. I couldn't have said it any better!

 

I feel jaded sometimes too. Especially with the economy not doing so well, I start to lose hope. After taking all of these tough science classes, sometimes, I just want to give up. No doubt, I work hard for my grades. Some nights, I only get 2 hours of sleep. Then the next day, I'm stuck in a lab, trying to mush all of these projects together. It just feels so endless. So, I do know how you feel. But, just think of your efforts as a long-term investment.

 

Whatever you do, find something that you're passionate about, as a side hobby. I can't think of anything else other than what Crookster_man said. Good luck to all of us! Btw, a vacation does sound quite tempting. My mom wants to send me to Calcutta, India, just so that I realize that I have it much better than most people. I guess that's true. I had an experience where I traveled and met these orphans. They truly opened my eyes, and also helped me to find even more determination in my life. But, a vacation in the tropics sounds nice too! 8)