Notagoodninja

WOW girl your guy sounds like a weirdo..he actually said he would just GIVE you to another man... this ex of yours has serious issues! Thank God you left!

Wow Meoww thanks so much

I have to keep blogging to make myself feel better. I am so very miserable (don't worry if anyone is reading this I won't go hurting myself btw) Dear Husband, how and why have you brought such grief upon the woman you married? You asked me to be your wife, and you're not young and stupid you made this choice. You made a vow to love, honor and cherish me. Til death do us part, And you crushed me by what you did, and you did not apologize. I am devastated. You could of apologized and made things right. But you don't love me, you love yourself and your sex drive. For other women, not your wife. WHY. Why did you marry me. Why did you bother asking. I gave up EVERYTHING for you. I just don't understand. I never asked you to marry me. I never said marry me. I always was the one hard to get, the one that didn't want to fall for anyone. You get a player to fall in love, you get a player to be faithful and loyal and you changed me, I gave up everything for you- I loved you- then you broke me into a million little pieces. I never loved anyone more than you. Why did you hurt me

Dear Husband, It's hard to believe I am married to you. I don't feel like I even know you. I wish to God we shared the same beliefs. I wish to God you treated me right. I wish to God you never abused me or laid a finger on me. I wish to GOD I was in your bed tonight. I wish to God we were spooning in your cool bedroom on our nice bed. I miss my bed so much. I did take my pillow with me when I left you. I hope I didn't take yours, I really think about you and your well being. I feel like you died though. In my heart, I am grieving. I am going to go try to get a counselor for grief because in my heart, you are dead, you are dead to me, and I am grieving the loss of you. How am I going to live? I want to die.

Girl I am in the same boat...he is passive....these men don't deserve us they won't fight for us. Where did manly men go and chivalry?

Went out tonight with my friends and family but all I could think of was you. Saw a waiter who had served you and I the last time WE went there..I hid under the menu because I was so embaressed that you weren't with me. It's just terrible you do realize we are complete failures this time around. I believe i tried much harder, you didn't even apologize. Today I almost caved...day 5 or 6 NC and over a week or so of being broken up. I MISS YOU I feel HORRIBLE. I know if I saw you this horrible withdrawl feeling would just go away. But cannot. I went to the mall today with my friends & it felt so good to walk around and be goofy and nerdy and a dork and not have you there putting me down for every little move I made...I felt a little cute again for the first time in quite awhile. You just make me feel OLD. Tonight I felt kinda kiddish and just carefree it was really good for me, I feel so ugly and so old you've really with my head. You really me up! You sick piece of... At first I keep thinking you can find all kinds of women but seriously who am I kidding, I am sure I have better chances of finding men than you do hot girls so that made me feel a little bit better My back hurts so bad tonight and I am glad you're not here to tell me how horrible I am for having a disc problem @ my age...so abusive I keep thinking over and over again about a month ago at Target when you got pissed at me and sped off going 100 mph while screaming at me and I cried and begged you to not kill me in a car accident and you wouldn't stop and I was bawling my eyes. What kind of a horrible person are you? Have you looked in the mirror lately? You are SO SELFISH! This is horrible of me but I beg God to give you back karma. I cry and pray to God he helps you feel the hurt you bestowed upon me. I have forgiven you I want you to move on and to be happy I just want God to make you feel guilty for ruining my life. Unexpectedly I got an email from one of my hot guy friends (a new one I met after I filed for divorce) I said- let's go get drinks tonight if you don't have to be up early tomorrow... It sure does beat contacting you.

Ex I slept in almost the whole day I was so depressed and I NEVER sleep in I haven't slept this much in years I am truly in a funk and depressed. I took wonder if you miss me for a split second but the answer is no. I wouldn't take you back and maybe you know this. But I run to my cell phone and I check my email- still nothing- no I am sorry- no apology nothing saying you miss me.

Dear Ex I was fine all day...but once in awhile BAAM grief hits me I surf CL and stuff where I know you'd post and then I see posts that sound like you and I go crazy and filled with grief thinking that it might be you and wondering why you want to be with other women instead of me. I do everything most girls won't. I gave 100% I just do not get it at all. I wish I had of just stayed a friend to you with benefits I wish I had of never gotten married to you or dated you. You were not worth it at all. I was a little tempted to contact you so I knew I needed to come straight here and kinda write on our lil Enot alone diary I don't really miss you to be honest. You asked for too much. What I am upset about today is thinking about you some other women.

Hey broken1414 also you said you had moved on right? How long did it take you to find someone else and do you really feel IN LOVE? My problem, this is what's hard, I've only been IN LOVE twice I think...maybe I was IN LUST with other ppl but only in LOVE with one ex bf- (my first love) and then this guy... I feel discouraged like I just don't feel like I want to date because I can't take being hurt again I don't know. I have a hard time being IN LOVE. I don't fall in love easily it's weird. I mean is it normal to be in LOVE with someone only 2x by age 29 because I've only loved two men in my whole entire life.

Broken1414... I read your whole message you are SO nice to post all of that for me and your affirmations thanks so much!! The NC thing is HARD. The divorce will be signed by me Friday, and served to him by next Wednesday so I will have NC with him until we hear from him for sure. I am sure he will just sign the divorce or whatever- however it works- since he's a jacka$$ who couldn't even apologize. However, my car is in his name- I paid for the down payment and the monthly payments. I gave him all the furniture and did not ask for any alimony. I just said I wanted the car. SO we will have to deal with that unfortunately, but I was thinking about it and thinking maybe I could get some person to be the middle man for me...like a paralegal and such. I am going to look into it. There is no reason I should need to have any contact with him at ALL until the day the deed is paid in full. I plan on working overtime to pay the car off, I still owe 10k on it because I just got it last year. But once it's paid off he has to sign the deed over to me, and that is going to be WAY too hurtful I don't ever want to see him again because I am hurt too deeply and I cannot look into his eyes and wonder what girls he . I just cannot do it. Try this email: That is not my real name just an alias email to use...lmk if it works thanks again

I love and miss you tonight but I will not contact you and I hope you don't contact me either. I got sick tonight thinking that maybe you will find some smoking hot gorgeous woman and fall in love. It made me sooooo heart broken imaging you two together. Maybe some younger girl more your type. But then I started to tell myself- if I love you- and I do- I need to let you go- and I need to let you find love. Because if you love somebody you have to let them find love. I want you to be happy and find love. Trust me, I wanted you to be the one that loved me. But you don't. And I have to accept this.

I love and miss you baby. I am sorry my ego is so great. I took 4 years of being married to an abusive man, but the womanizing I cannot allow myself to take I have too much self respect. I miss you very much and I probably will not ever re marry again. I'm not bitter, I can't let this make me bitter. And I forgive you. But you always told me you were a moral ethical man and that even if you didn't go to church, you had standards and you swore to God you were pretty much a Christian even though we weren't "religious" we were living pretty moral lifestyles and into each other very much. I used to feel like maybe you could hurt me but I told myself no, no you were too good I had to trust you I had to believe you I had to have faith when you promised me every day of your faithfulness. Am I surprised you hurt me this way? Honestly I am not, because if you could strangle your own wife that God entrusted you with when you asked her to marry you, then I guess I saw your true character right there. But I wanted to give you the benefit of a doubt. I wanted to believe.

DH Happy birthday because I won't tell you that anymore because you lost me. I love and miss you so much. I am so confused. I just know that even if you thought you were being cute and innocent, yeah it was not husbandly of you at all and you're not willing to ask for forgiveness. You're just a lustful, conceited womanizer and you never took advantage or appreciated the woman in front of you. I am pretty hot, but I am not gonna say you can't find someone equally as hot or even hotter. Hell maybe you will find a super model but one things for sure, your first wife left you, I left you, and the next woman is going to leave you. You do realize you have no kids, now no wife............no girlfriend... even if you get strippers and call girls they will only take away your loneliness for a lil while............. I mean if you want to live your life at bars and strip clubs then so be it that's your choice, I am not the one to say if that does or does not make you happy. But you are cheating yourself out of children one day, little cute kids to call you their daddy and love and respect you. A cute wife to come home to who will rub your feet and make you dinner and make love to you and BE in love with you and not pretending or getting paid to act like she cares...when she doesn't. you're not that young anymore, yeah we're pretty young but one day you'll be 40 and you won't keep that relationship either and then you will be 50 and then you will have to pay for love for SURE cause not many people hook up that late in life, most already have kids and grandkids and a dream and life they created Why did you marry me> Why?! If you weren't ready to give up other women why did you ask, I never asked for you to ask, I am not that girl. I never gave you the ultimatum! I didn't mind dating for years. I am independent and I love having fun. I really don't get it. I can barely function right now. Ya know if you hadn't of done what ya did...and were so cold and unrepentant.........we would of been together right now. You'd of woken up next to a smiling groggy face and I'd of kissed you and stroked ur hair........I'd of prob given you a birthday blow job and we would have showered together and washed eachothers bodies. Then I'd of said lets go to Starbucks and get coffee and protein plates. And we would of gone to buy you some birthday presents.. Later than night we'd of gone to prob see Cowboys and Aliens and we'd laugh and giggle and feed eachother pretzel bites with cheese...and you'd be making fun of me cuz Im a clutz and Id prob drip cheese down my shirt or something... Later we'd go to OUtback probably and get yummy steaks..............or maybe we'd go home together cozy on the couch watching HELLS KITCHEN or Wipeout and we would make eachother steak and asparagus............ happy Birthday my love. I can nor will I ever be with you again. But I miss you and I love you and I guess Im a little shocked you could let me go/

Hey broken1414 maybe we can chat is there a way to PM on here or exchange email addy's? We sound like we have a lot in common. WOW you're hurting after 6 months how awful. For me it's not even been a week! Ugh I guess I have a LONG journey ahead of me don't I!! Yeah i gave up everything to make things work too

What makes me the most sad is maybe I'd of forgiven your horrible, unexcusable abusive behaviour but you said to me...good luck and you said to me "lose me forever" so i knew you wanted that in your heart of hearts' I knew you were not husband material, and so I filed for divorce and you are going to get served next week And it breaks my heart I never felt sorry for myself all those bruises you left on my body and heart, but now I do feel sorry for myself Why did I fall in love with an abusive jerk?

What's really tragic and sad is that I just would justify staying with you because I thought- well I'm a cool girl and he's a total nerd (which was cute) so I figured you were insecure....because you never wanted me to look hot when we went out and you'd reject me. BUT NOW I see that I WAS THE BIGGEST FOOL! IM A FOOL IM A FOOL IM A DELLUSIONAL LITTLE GIRL im a total IDIOT YOU NEVER LOVED ME! You never DESIRED ME you NEVER wanted to please ME!!!!!!! you WERE NOT INTO ME! I just want to know why the heck did you MARRY ME I am NOT the one that initiated that, YOU ARE WHY DID YOU want to ruin my life and make me marry you only to abuse me and not desire me??? WHY WHY WHY did you say to my face you are NOT a sexual person only for me to find those conversations that very week?!??!?!?!?! You're a horrible womanizer............. I mean I'd of rather been with a womanizer who at least had sex with his own wife too...who at least thought I was beautiful ... but no you NEVER thought I was beautiful, you got with me to ruin my life and use me so you could womanize!

When I confronted you about the online thing...you scoffed at me cussed me out...you said I was a psycho and a lunatic and you told me "do me a favor and lose me forever" You seriously have NO idea how broken hearted I am I am not a needy horrible woman at all. I'm a strong indpendent woman. I have a lot going on for me, and I keep myself beautiful and fit because I wanted to please you Do you have any idea how horrible and rejected I feel that I'd go to VS and buy hot lingerie.. come home and strut my stuff for you and you would laugh at me and say you weren't horny? You wouldn't touch me or say my panties looked cute. I had to beg you to say nice things to me. For 4 years I had to deal with not being looked at by you, not being appreciated by you. Four years of my youth I wasted on you. I started losing hair, I've been sick non stop for a year because of the stress and the abuse you put me through And this heart is a horrible evil thing....it really is Because I still love you with all of my heart But deep inside I know you're a cheating womanizer, and somebody has to step up to the plate and leave. I have to leave before the abuse progresses, I have to leave because you will never change. You will never change, abusers rarely do. You are intelligent, sensitive, charasmatic with an amazing personality and you fooled me. And you will fool other women. And you fooled a lot of people. But you won't fool me anymore. No matter how bad I hurt, I am done with you. No matter how many tears I bawl...I am done with you. No matter how much I get sick to my stomach thinking about how you're prob out with other women right now...........it just crushes my spirit because I gave soooooooooooo much..............................and you lied lied lied...................... What REALLY just is HORRIBLE and CRUSHING to me is that I tried soooooo HARD to play the sexy wife part. I dressed up for you I stayed fit for you and healthy and pretty...I NEVER let myself go.............and NEVER ONCE were you sincerely into me............never once did you desire me for reals..........never once did YOU initiate desiring or pleasing ME! And if I finally got to the point where I demanded being desired, you'd break my things and punch walls

I loved you. I adored you. I gave you 100%%%. I tried to work to buy you nice things or to allow you to buy yourself nice things...I was a fun wife...you got whatever you wanted TV'S, computers, Xbox and Playstations..........whatever toy you wanted or fast car you got it...I never stood in the way of what you wanted and your hobbies I even partook alongside. I would make sure you had dinner every single night on the table. I went to movies with you, out to eat with you, hiking with you, to the mall and bookstores with you. I told you you were handsome and gorgeous and adored. I held your hand, I kissed your face, I told you you were the most greatest man to me... You would get upset if I hung with my friends or family so I gave them all up for you...I said no to being in my girlfriends weddings because you wouldn't let me... I gave up career opportunity's because you told me I could not do it... I stayed and came back to you every time you screamed at me, every time you broke my belongings, every time you punched holes in the walls, every time you choked me and grabbed me and left bruises and marks all over me. You took everything from me. I moved out of my place and got rid of everything I owned because you wanted me to marry you and move into your place and you wanted your own things there and not mine. And then you proceeded for the next year to flush my makeup down the toilet, to empty my shampoo and lotion bottles, to takes scissors and shred all my clothes, to tear apart all of my shoes. You ripped apart my jewelery and threw it in the dumpster. You took my wedding ring and smashed it to bits with a hammer, the first engagement ring you threw far, far away into the dark night. I put up with all of you years of abuse, because I was in love with you and I have a hard time falling in love and I didn't want to give up on our marriage and give up on you. But the one flaw I couldn't take, was the rejection. You never wanted to have sex with me. You never wanted to kiss me. You never wanted to cuddle with me. I would reach out to cuddle at night and you would kick me and tell me to leave you alone. You would complain non stop about everything I did and say I was horrible and annoying and terrible. And you would abuse me over and over mentally and emotionally. I lost weight and got fit during the marriage and even though you gained a few pounds or didn't shave sometimes and got lazy, I did not care because I was in love with you and you were perfect to me. But you never once said I was beautiful unless I begged you to. Your biggest flaw was being a womanizer. You hit on my friends. You hit on my family members. You would flirt with my massage therapist. Anywhere we went, men would stare at me but the one man that I only wanted to stare at me- which is you- you would stare at every young girl there was. The only women you liked were young teenagers. You would go down the same isles at grocery stores and follow them around and you'd look them up and down. It was horrible and soooo disrespectful. I'd want sex, you'd want porn. And I am such a cool wife I'd of even done the porn thing with you if I could actually get laid too. But that rarely happened. You rejected me. You wouldn;t touch me or have anything to do with me. If I got all dressed up for you, you'd call me a wh%re and say obviously I wanted other men to look at me. Which wasn't true. So I would change into really old ladyish clothes and we'd go to the movies or bowling and the ENTIRE TIME you would lust over every young teen. I'd get so upset and heartbroken and ask to be respected, and I would end up getting bruised up by you. I thought everything was going great the last few weeks. I was making you food 3x a day...I'd kiss you hug you hold you ask you for sex (you told me two weeks ago you didn't even like sex and you weren't a sexual person!!!!). I visited you at work off and on the WHOLE marriage.....I'd bring you food and coffee...maybe little gifts here and there. So the past couple weeks you got distant. And you always promised you didn't cheat. But I was devastated because in spite of putting up with all of your abuse to me including me being left with strangulation marks on my neck and bruises on my arms and chest and legs...I go the computer only to find you're talking dirty online. You're talking about fantasizing about hot women with hot bodies in their panties. You're talking about tramps and * * * * s and * * * * ty clothes. You're talking about a dream you had had that night about a woman in her bikini and you were thinking about her bottom. You've broken my heart. You've crushed my soul. I cry every day and all night. I can't sleep. I've lost like 8 pounds in one week. I filed for divorce today. When I confronted you last week about it, you just justified your actions and tried to turn it around on ME. You were like, "WeLL YOU WORK TOO MUCH" and so that justified your online affair thing. I hadn't worked for a whole year after we got married so i could stay home and take care of your every whim. But after you broke everything I owned and your own thigns, after I got no money for gas or groceries, after my child witnessed you breaking all of our things and strangle his mother before his very eyes, I caved and had to get a part time job to support my child and myself and even help you. Even though you made great money, you gave me nothing you'd spend the majority on yourself. I got no wedding with you, you said you hated weddings and made us get married at the justice of the peace. I got no honeymoon. You borrowed money from your mom to take me to a hotel room. It was boring and awful. You wouldn't consumate the marriage until like 1 in the morning - it was like a control thing for you...you looked at me smiled and said, "bet ya thought I wasn't gonna f%$ you huh?" and that was my wedding night