eks79

I miss you, I hate you! You were never honest with me. I will get over you. you weren't that great. Somebody else will do much better by me. Give me all the things that you couldn't, honesty, trust, love.... You don't deserve my tears anymore. I have cried the last one for you. Don't call me, don't txt me, don't think of me. Hope you the worst for you in your life. May every relationship you have, be a bad one. May everybody cheat on you, and make you feel as worthless as you made me feel.

Congratulations, you made me feel like * * * * about myself. Made me feel ugly and unwanted. All the while hiding your secret. You brought me and my children into your web of lies. Just to protect yourself from your own shame. Over two years I gave, sacrificed so you could go to school to make OUR future better while I paid the bills. Then you walk out when it was supposed to be time for us to enjoy the benifits of the sacrifices that were made, all of us. But thats not what you did! Instead you left without us, finally letting me in on your secret. Knowing that I won't tell it because stupid me love you still, even tho I know there is no hope in us. Don't worry * * * * * * * I will protect your secret, But not because I love you but because I love my kids and don't want to see them disappointed in you! I hope your life is filled with remorse, pain, and loneliness! That is what you deserve!

Day 1 It has now been 24 hrs since I spoke to him. This is the longest we have ever not talked. I miss him! I'm not sure how i'm going to pick up the pieces of my life and do this NC thing when i love him so much, but i'm willing to try anything!! I do have children involved but they are not his but he has taken on the father role since we have been together and their father is not in their lives. I'm not sure if i should let him to continue to have that role or not. Until i decide I don't think that I will stop the contact between him or the kids. I just don't think that is right. I'm a mess, I find myself crying and don't even know that i'm doing it. I haven't really eaten and sleep..... nope thats not going to happen. I don't think that i'm strong enough to do NC, I'm really scared that its just another thing i'm going to try and fail at!!