this is a long story but i will try to make it brief ,for a long time i have been picked on in school and 2 years ago i couldnt take it anymore and kinda lost it went through depression for months upon months my first love wanted nothing to do with me i started having thoughts of starting a shooting i would have dreams i really dont feel conforatable telling you them i decided to get homeschooled to see if that would help the first year it did (my junior year) but this year they are coming back i wrote a screenplay about myself that i did go on the shooting it was real gorey everything just came to me but anyway i showed it to my best friend (who is not a friend anymore, and was a girl) she couldnt stand it and didnt talk to me for days when she finally started talking to me from that day forward she always talked to me difernet and acted strangly and we gradually drifted apart i still miss her alot but anyway , for a few months i couldnt believe that i wrote that story and i havnt thought like that until recently but this time instead of dreams and thoughts i get flashes let me explain i went to the grcery store and i saw a cashier then i flashed a image of me killing her with a gun i tried to shake myself better but then i had another but this time i had the shotgun in my mouth and i killed myself ,there have been a few other situations that this happened to me this is just a few, am i crazy , i realise i have aproblem so does that mean im making it up myself telling myself im crazy or that i am but i know it like they say "admitting you have a problem is the first step" if you choose to write to me plz do not put me down or say anything negative i dont know how much more i can handle
