midnightdeirdre

I didn't even stutter that much, just once when I was with him. I said, "Sorry, I have a bit of a stutter" to which he said, "It's charming." lol I swear I felt total shock radiating through my entire being when he said that. And the make-out session/pawing didn't happen until a month or two later.

When we parted ways for that Summer, he implied he did want to have a relationship with me, hence why I sent him all those emails. As I also said, he told me he "has shy problems" and "didn't have any friends when I was little, I had anger problems." lol, so I suspect that the real reason he never replied was because of his said "problems," not because he wasn't interested. And I actually accompanied him quite a few nights when he cleaned the main building many times that year, so it wasn't truly a ONE night fling.

As most of you know, I'm autistic. I began stuttering at age 9 as a result. When I was 13, I remember vowing to myself that I would have unprotected sex with any guy who said my stutter was sexy/attractive. (Dramatic, I know.) Age 19, my first year of college (2003-2004) I met this young janitor named Rick. (Not his real name.) He cleaned the main building at night, and I spent a few evenings accompanying him. At one point, he told me my stuttering was "charming." When he said that? I. Froze. I remember just sitting there, staring at him in pure shock. I mean, it had finally happened---after being teased almost daily for 10 years for my stuttering, a guy had finally said it was attractive. While Rick and I didn't have sex, we did eventually make-out passionately and I almost gave him a hand job. We exchanged email addresses (his I believe was actually his brother's), and over the Summer 2004 I sent him many emails, always including a photo of myself. He didn't respond to ONE. (He told me at school that he has "shy problems.") I can't help but think about him sometimes. I even googled his email address recently. From what I've gathered, it's still in use. Jenny McCarthy has told a similar story: Her parents divorced, and then her mother met up with her high school sweetheart after 30 years of being apart. They are now back together. I think you can guess where I'm going with this. Should I email him? (I've looked him up on Facebook, to no avail.) If you agree it would be romantic, what should I say? If you agree it's ridiculous, any kind of helpful feedback is encouraged. Thanks. ❤️

Interesting...Great feedback everyone! Thanks! 🙂

I was reading some gossip magazines (my mom loves those, lol) and it made me think of the saying that "Hollywood is High School with a Paycheck." I got to thinking, and I realized I don't think I ever "gossiped" growing up. Or did I? See, I'll admit what I used to do was vent about my friend's behavior. Some hypothetical examples: "Ugh, I called her at 2 and she didn't call me back until 4!" "She told me her necklace was from Kay jewelers, and then admitted it was from K-Mart! Hmpgh, why did she lie like that??" "Why does she like that TV show? It's so dumb." I'd say genuine examples of gossip would be more like this... "She got a nose job last Summer and now her nose has permanent damage inside of it. Plus, she's taking out a bank loan for a high-quality boob job in Mexico." "Tasha doesn't even like you that much. She said you cheated off her on the SATs." "He ate his whole lunch under the table because he was so scared of her." Gossip is obviously making up a lie(s) and telling everyone about it. I never, ever did that. As I said above, I admit I used to vent about my friend's behavior. Then the Summer I was 15 I decided to stop doing that. (I ended up having nothing but guy friends as a result, lol.) I am curious though; would you say that my venting was still a form of gossip? Or was it simply that: me venting because obviously I was so annoyed/upset that I had been duped in some way? All opinions/feedback welcome. 🙂 Thanks!

Autism doesn't have any "levels." It's like a pie chart. I used to have a breakdown if my change in routine was disturbed; particularly with food. If I was at restaurant where I always ordered grilled cheese---but was craving chicken tenders---my mind would go into massive panic. (To put it mildly.) Or if I wanted to watch a movie that I wasn't used to watching, I'd have that same breakdown. I'm happy to say that I did learn some coping mechanisms for my change-in-routine-breakdowns, which have helped tremendously: 1.) I remind myself that I'm not meant to enjoy just ONE thing for the rest of my life. 2.) I imagine myself holding the "Old Routine" over my head and replacing it with the "New Routine." But my other autistic symptoms are still very strong. Believe me, I don't think they can/will improve as easily as coping with change-breakdowns.

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this in. But as I said in the title, to my shock I found my iPhone 13 mini in the washer with my bed sheets and clothes. I thought for sure I was going to have to go to the store tomorrow and replace it. I decided to try and see if it works---and it does! Works perfectly fine! 😯 Naturally I'm relieved, but also perplexed for obvious reasons. Are there any Apple workers on this site who can tell me how the iphone is programmed to withstand this kind of an accident? Has anyone else have this happen? Thanks!

lol, I was hoping you'd reply, as I knew your son is autistic. (I will have to totally agree, it does NOT get better or improve. It will either get worse or simply stay the same.) What symptoms does your son have? How have they changed/gotten worse?

Here an old forum of mine from 2011... Jealous/Upset over bf's wild past - Jealousy - eNotAlone Relationship Advice

Or does it simply stay the same? I've been doing research and I found two articles that claim it gets worse, and one article that claimed autism symptoms get less severe with time. I'm sure you already know, I'm autistic. I began stuttering at age 9 as a result. From 9 to 14 my stuttering was horrible. At first I stuttered on S-words. I couldn't say an S-word to save my life. Then suddenly my stuttering switched to harder syllables, like G and D words. (I went from not being able to say my last name to not being able to say my first name.) I still stutter but it's not half as bad as it was as a kid---but it's still there. Having a breakdown over change in routine is something I ALWAYS struggled with, particularly with food. If I was at a restaraunt where I always ordered grilled cheese, but was craving a pizza, my brain would go into panic-mode. Thankfully I learned to train myself to just relax, trust my gut instinct, and go with that. (Also remind myself that I'm not meant to enjoy just ONE thing for the rest of my life.) Basically, I've observed that my stuttering improved (on some level) and my panic over change-in-routine did as well. Otherwise, my autism still seems the same. (Obsessions, living in the past, etc.) Any opinions/examples/feedback welcome!

Thanks! :)

On my left thumbnail there's a vertical white line that is brownish at the top; it extends to a little bump underneath the nail. When I clipped it a few days ago it was fine; today I tried to clip it and it HURT. (Basically, it looks like a long splinter was inserted inside my thumbnail.) I've been researching what it looks like it's a splinter hemmorhage. If you have experienced this, please let me know what was the cause and treatment. Thanks!

My hair used to be so thick that hairdressers would never stop talking about it. They'd say, "Where does she GET all this hair??" and "Women pay to have hair like yours!" One even joked that my hair was so thick that it broke her hair brush. Now they say, "Your hair is thin, but you have a lot of it."

I admit, I've often thought about rhinoplasty...maybe my nose can be made straighter and not so humpy. (The size I think is fine but the shape could be smoother.) Of course that's not cheap, so if I truly decide to get it done it won't be for a long time, lol. As for living in the past, it's my autism. I've come to realize all autistic people share similar symptoms, but we each have our own unique trait that sets us apart. Example: this kid is autistic and can recite pi forwards and backwards: https://youtu.be/OR36jrx_L44 Example: this guy is autistic and can say ANYTHING in reverse: https://youtu.be/qNfzGuOSPTE Example: Me: I'm autistic and can remember dreams, daydreams, thoughts, and situations that I had from as far back as preschool until now. I can also remember the exact feelings and depth of those feelings that went along with all of those.

What kind of stuff? How did your body change?

I was looking through my high school graduation photos, and it made me remember how different my nose was back then.

As the forum title reads, the summer I was 19 my nose completely changed. Before that, it went straight down into a bulb. Then it grew a top hump, a curve down the bridge, and grew out more. (My sister even told me I "have our uncle's nose now.") Interestingly, when my nose got larger it evened out with the rest of my face. I can't help but wonder, was that kind of odd that my nose suddenly changed so drastically over one Summer? (Plus at a relatively late age, 19.) I mean, would it have been more "normal" if my nose slowly changed from age 14 TO 19, rather than over a 3-month time span? Has anyone else experienced a drastic (and fast) physical change like that? Thanks! 🙂

No wonder she didn't help me much, lol. I'm not being hateful or trying to bully her. As I said, imagine if someone suspected they had cancer and was told, "Oh, don't worry about it" only to find out that it was cancer after all? Obviously, my parents wanted to get me help. If we knew then what we know now, obviously I'm sure things would've been done much differently.

Now I'm curious, what does social work pay? Also I wasn't meaning to "blame" her. I just wanted some closure. Not only did she get my autism diagnosis wrong, but when I told her I never want children she said, "Aww, you'll probably change your mind. My daughters said they didn't either, but once they grew up they realized it was the right thing to do." <---this highlighted statement I'm paraphrasing; she didn't say that word-for-word, but totally implied it. When I told my mom at age 10 that I "never want to get married, never want to have kids!" she said, "Ok, that's your decision." <---I feel the social worker should've said something more along those lines, rather than trying to manipulate me into what SHE thought was right. Haha, can you see that the more I look back, the more I realize how USELESS that social worker truly was? It's no wonder I wanted some closure. But fine, I won't mail the letter. I googled Social Work and it seems like they're supposed to do things the same as therapists. So what's the big difference?

True, she said herself, "I'm just a social worker." And as I said, her memory was HORRIBLE. (Obviously I'm the polar opposite.) I probably could've said the same exact thing for every single session, and it would've been like I was saying it for the first time every time. Fair enough, I don't want to be charged with stalking. Thank you all!

I'm sorry about your friend. That's horrible that she was misdiagnosed. It's just that school year after school year was nothing but a struggle (to put it mildly). I became clinically depressed at age 8, began stuttering at age 9, and because we didn't know I was autistic I never "fit in" or functioned socially. I should've been put in SPED or homeschooled. I feel that by telling her I would at least have some closure.

How is telling her the dates of when I saw her inappropriate? Also she was not a school counselor. She was a social worker.

Long story short: From March 2000 to my high school graduation in June 2003, I saw a counselor named Judy. During the Summer of 2002, I told her that I suspected I had autism. "You don't," she said to me firmly and clearly. "You don't have autism." Of course, in August 2013 I was diagnosed with autism. Her practice is now closed, however I did find her home address. I strongly feel that I should mail her this letter: Dear Mrs. Smith, December 5, 2021 My name is Jane Smith, 37 years old. I am a former client of yours. From March 2000 to my high graduation in June 2003, I met with you almost weekly at 175 XXX Street in Someplace, MA. I was looking through some old photographs from Summer 2002. It made me remember one of our sessions, which I feel should be brought to your attention. During the Summer of 2002, at age 17, I began researching autism. I recognized some strong symptoms that I had with it. During one of our sessions in Hingham, I confided in you that I was suspecting that I had autism. “You don’t,” you said to me firmly and clearly. “You don’t have autism.” In August 2013, at age 28, I was diagnosed with autism. I understand that in 2002 autism was not the household name it is now, nor was it necessary to be bringing this to your attention 20 years later. But imagine if a 17-year-old suspected she had cancer, was told by her doctor, “There’s no way you have it!” only to find out later that it was metastatic? Obviously (and understandably) it bothers me that she was so quick to shoot me down all those years ago, only to find out years later that I was absolutely right. Plus, one may argue she shouldn't have been so quick to say "You don't" rather than saying, "Why don't you look into getting tested?" I'll also mention that she didn't help me much at all. She had a horrible memory, and I'd say she was more suited for adults, not an autistic and depressed teenager. Please understand how I feel: imagine a 17-year-old-girl named Jane feels a lump in her breast. She goes to her doctor, where she is told, "Oh, please! There's no way you have it, you're healthy as a horse! Now, go grab some McDonalds and don't be such a worry wart!" Jane goes to another doctor who agrees to have it biopsied, only to confirm that she has Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. If you feel I should mail the letter, please advise me on how I should end it. If you feel I should just forget the whole thing and accept that the fact that she was totally wrong, let me know. Thank you.