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ToodlePip

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  1. ToodlePip
    Got an email earlier. Just seeing her name in my inbox made me feel panicky. Not going to look at it for a couple of days, won't respond until Monday. If it's important she can do better. I do wish she didn't bloody well email me at work though, it toxifies my entire inbox up cos I can't look at it with her name there without panicking and wanting to read the email.
  2. ToodlePip
    Ask yourself how you would feel if she did email you, assuming it won't be with any "good" news. Feel that sickness in the pit of your stomach? Hold onto that. Accept that it's best if she doesn;t email you, cos 90% chance is that it won't be anything that will make you feel truly better. If she does, fine. But expecting it will never result in anything good, and the way the universe works she won't do it until you don't expect it anyway
  3. ToodlePip
    LemonCheesecak, yeah lovely day here in London too! I see what you mean. I'm going for a few games of pool before my weekly footie league tomorrow, with just one of the guys - could you not arrange that with one friend? Like if you're suppose to be meeting friends on Saturday, you arrange to pop by one person's house before and you leave together, but it gives you some time to chat before hand. I'm quite lucky in that I have a very close friend (pretty much an old married couple!) who I meet once or twice a week to catch up and * * * * * about life with.
  4. ToodlePip
  5. ToodlePip
    Sorry guys, I didn't mean to sound like I was pissing over your own experiences - my point is that in my position I'd rather have silence than attempts at showing care for my feelings (which makes me feel so small and patronised) and attempts at friendship (which makes me feel massively downgraded right now). If that makes sense!
  6. ToodlePip
    Could be worse - you could be getting an email or a text like did. It feels even worse than nothing, because it means she couldn't even be bothered or couldn't face talking to me on the phone I tell myself it's because she's scared of me rejecting her, or that heaing my voice would set her back, but I don't know.
  7. ToodlePip
    brazilgirl, in that case I would say be positive, friendly, sweet, and essentially be the better person. Her insecurity will serve you well as long as you don't play her games. Don't approach, let them come to you. Again, I'd try to be the first one to leave the situation as well, even throwing in a little "it was good to see you BOTH". You can do major damage to "them" just by the above, if she does react the way you describe. As for it being hard, maybe try and approach it as a game, test, whatever. Try and pretend it's his sister or cousin. Imagine that she's crap in bed. Picture her on the toilet. Anything to knock her down and make her not worth the emotional pain. I personally try to get to the point where I feel sorry for the couple - it allows me to be nice and raise myself above what I percieve their sorry situation is. Not particularly nice but it works for me to get me through such situations in the past.
  8. ToodlePip
    Hi brazilgirl21 - I would say not to break NC would be incredibly rude and very counter productive if you do want some form of interaction with him in the future. If you can manage it, I'd say hi back, shoot the breeze for 5mns then make your excuses and go back to your friends. I would mention this to a couple of very close friends who can "bail you out" if you see what I mean. They could come over and get you after a few minutes to give you a reason to walk away.
  9. ToodlePip
    Problem is, I've noticed I've started feeling on edge walking down my street and around work, cos it's been a while since we've seen each other and with the way the world works, we'll bump into each other eventually! So I figure that if I force myself to EXPECT it, it won;t happen, as it only happens when you're relaxed and not thinking about it. Of course it means I'm forcing myself to be nervous which isn't good either. Can't win
  10. ToodlePip
    Funny isn't it? They sense when they drop out of our head. Mine emails me the day after I'm told to submit a proposal that will potentially save my and my workmates jobs. I temporarily forget about her, up she pops in my inbox. Bit disturbing in a funny way!
  11. ToodlePip
    Thanks for the support guys! TBH the 1% is down to doing it if I'm drunk, but then again it hasn't happened so far and like I said, last time I checked weeks ago, there was random banter, a pic, and no sign of a changed trelationship status change from single, but I still felt like my heart was going to explode, so not doing it again. I still feel faint when I see her name pop up in my inbox... So I know not to do it. I see what you're saying John, but for some reason I feel fine not deleting her and woudl ratehr not send the message that it would - feels quite aggressive. I'd ratehr rise above it liek a man - I've hidden her, her family and her friends so see nothing at all about her social interactions. We don't really have overlapping social circles so I can carry on using the PM tool on facebook to communicate with my friends, and respond to their wall messages. She essentially sees nothing from me, and me from her and I like it that way. Quite ironic really - I work in Social Media (hence can't deactivate my accounts) and yet I'm learning that Social Media tools can actually be quite harmful in times like these. Time for a career change?
  12. ToodlePip
    Having said that, one thing that's trotting around my mind is to check ehr facebook page (that I've hidden from the news feed). I'm 99% sure I won't cos I know it's not good for me, but I suppose I AM curious as to what's happening to her. I haven't updated mine since the breakup so I know she won't have a clue what I've been up to, unless she finds my Twitter account (and even then I only really use that for professional banter so not much insight for her there either). I feel ready, but having done it 3 weeks ago I know that it'll hit me like a ton fo bricks and I'll feel sick, regardless of whether there's anything to see there or not. So I absolutely won't do it. *sits on hands*
  13. ToodlePip
    3 weeks and a half. Getting my mojo back. Holding stares with other girls. Not got the confidence to do anything about it yet, but a deep gaze and a smile is more than I could do before. I still hold a candle for her but I can't stop moving forward, for myself. Looking forward to my therapy session tomorrow - will be the 4th of 5th one and I feel like so much more makes sense in my life now, it's almost as if the more I learn about myself, the less I think about the relationship breakup. Can't reiterate it enough, focus on you and the rest will come.
  14. ToodlePip
    I do feel like I shouldn't start over as I ws responding to her initiating contact. Kind of LC really. I gave it a few days to respond and really didn't give her anything, so I'm going to let myself off. 3 weeks now.
  15. ToodlePip
    How does it work if you reply to an email from them? I kept it short and brief, and am feeling reasonable ambivalent about a response ie. I didn't ask any quesions so no reason to get one. D i start counting from 1 again?
  16. ToodlePip
    Just make sure you don;t have your mobile on you so you don't fall prey to the drunk dialling
  17. ToodlePip
    GOOD! Be strong. Don't do it. Post it here instead.
  18. ToodlePip
    Dreamt about her last night. Wasn'ty a particularly nice dream but can't remember the detaisl thankfully. Probably because of this bloody email. Gonna send a reply today - reasonably light and breezy, give her info about work and say my mum will understand and leave it at that.
  19. ToodlePip
    I haven't much either. Maybe it's because deep down you know that something was wrong - it doesn;t mean they are not right for you, just that you know it was necessary to progress. Dreaming about them is insecurity no?
  20. ToodlePip
    Roughly from what I remember - Hi xxx, how are things with you guys? (note: our company is making a load of redundancies - she'll be in the thick of it too, but obviously i haven't been in touch to ask her how things were) Something about how she hasn't met up or been in touch with my mum who she was supposed ot go for coffee with because she was feeling fragile right now (note: she didn't mention anything about why, although my guess is the redundancy, but I took it as her asking me to ask her what was going on) That she needed more time (again am assuming in relation to meeting with my mum) Ended with something about how her email wasn't as depressing or negative as it sounded. So basically my interpretation is curiosity about what's going on with me at work, an appeal for some attention re: her situation, and I'd imagine the bit about mym mum is just fluff and an excuse to get in touch cos really she could have just been in touch with her directly! Trying not to read anything into the needing more time and no idea what the hell she meant about the email not being as negative as it sounds! So all in all, completely lost as to how / what to reply. At most she might miss me enough or be curious enough to send the email, but sounds like she's making sure it doesn't show. No idea what to do, and would appreciate any advice. My short term goal is to sort my issues out personally which I'm doing, long term is to see whether something can be salvaged if we both want it, but obviously on the basis that she comes to me with a desire to. PS: to add that i may have made a mistake about not saying when I started NC why I was doing it, so obviously I don't want he to think I don't care. It's a tough call cos I made most of the mistakes and had the issues which led her to leave saying she didn't see me being a good father and her not feeling attracted to me anymore.
  21. ToodlePip
    Day whatever, nearly 3 weeks I guess. Still sitting on the email she sent me - haven't looked at it since I glanced at it when it arrived on Tuesday evening. Feel a bit sick to my stomach thinking about it and having to answer. Feels rude not to though. Dunno what to do. Wouldn't know what to say. But I seem to think about it a lot.
  22. ToodlePip
    Good man. Have you listened to the LadyHawke album? It's very upbeat and getting me through my days atm. Dunno what type of music you like but you might like it.
  23. ToodlePip
    Apparently it makes you realise others have more problems than you do, and helps reduce depressive thoughts. Something they make people with depression do, along with excercise. Worked a treat for me!
  24. ToodlePip
    Thanks I won't lie, I'll be thinking about it all night! But you just gotta keep busy - the fact that I'm fighting for my job is big enough to put things in perspective. I went out last week to work in a soup kitchen - I really recommend it or any charity work to anyone here struggling - it'll focus your mind and make you think about other things.
  25. ToodlePip
    Posted an update here: Basically, after just over 2 weeks of NC, up she pops with an email. Both our jobs are at risk, but she'd probably have to move back to her parents if she lost her which would put an end to her Sex in the City lifestyle. Funny how karma works. Saw her arguying with her parents in a restaurant on the way home - just goes to show that our exes' lives post relationship aren't necessarily a bed of roses, if it's any consolation (i do sill care about her so do feel sorry for the situation) Gonna sit on the email for a couple of days - she didn't say anything to give me hope apart from actually send it.
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