jd5007

Thanks. Back again, with an update. Ex and I are back on speaking terms, but she does not want to get back together. Clearly considers what I did "cheating" and I guess that's fair -- even if the one night happened while were "on a break" the setup to it took place while were discussing our future and it was NOT over at that point. In the end, I lost out on a GREAT summer with the g/f, and on a chance to see if we could work through the underlying problems - we might have, since after all May was our best month together, before she found out about what I had done in late April. Point is a MAJOR lesson here is -- don't do it. If you are tempted by someone else you owe it to your partner to deal with her or him first. Even if you don't make it, give it some time. You never know what might happen in that scenario, but I can GUARANTEE what will happen if you jump right into it while the first relationship is on the rocks. #1 the person you "cheated with" won't work out. #2 your significant other WILL FIND OUT, and you will lose them too. Bad behavior has bad consequences. Shouldn't have taken me this long to figure that out, but it did. If ONE person reads this who is having doubts about a situation such as mine, and if after reading this they decide to do the right thing and go first to their significant other to talk about it, BEFORE wreaking emotional havoc on three people, that would be good. In other words -- please don't be the jerk I was. It hurts everyone, more than you can know at the time. Hope this at least helps someone avoid that misery. Wish I had found this board/read something like this in April. JD.

Posted this on the "Infidelity for Men" site but would love to get some feedback from women too...and yes, it DOES harken back to a FRIENDS episode, for those who recognize the phrase, "We were ON A BREAK!" (Hope it's cool to repost it here -- moderators is there any rule? And no I won't post this same message anywhere else...) So here goes.... Here's the quick and dirty. Had a great girlfriend, one year...light of my life though a tough relationship as she is divorced with two young children and I have never been married, no kids. Both early 40s, same age. We had problems in April -- broke up "sort of" -- and I went out with another woman; dated her, kissed her, slept together (sort of) one very forgettable night. Then my girlfriend and I worked things out and were back together. Things with the other woman ended right then. My girlfriend did not know about it, though, and a month passed before she found out, from me just before she was going to be told by others. She dumped me like a bad habit. I'm crushed -- know who is to blame but that only makes the hurt worse as it adds shame, embarrassment, guilt and believe it or not CONFUSION -- WHY did I risk a great thing for this utterly forgettable episode? So the questions: Anyone (male) here ever done this before, and did you get back together or not? What happened? Any females want to weigh in with their thoughts? She considers it "cheating" and I guess it may be seen as that because some of it was being set up -- have to admit -- while my girlfriend and I were in heavy discussions but not quite apart. ANY way my girlfriend can trust me again? And about me -- am I destined to repeat this kind of thing? Do you believe a person can do something so wrong, suffer so much from it that he can learn to NEVER, EVER do it again? I hope and pray that is so. Any thoughts appreciated.

Yep that's right, just like the Friends episode, but with a touch of the movie "Fatal Attraction" too, as the other woman I was with got REALLY pissed at me when my girlfriend and I got back together, and a month later threw a huge scene in a bar, including shattered beer glasses, some pretty choice profanity yelled out (by her) and both of us getting thrown out. That's the night I knew she would explode and tell my girlfriend at some point soon. Anyway thanks for your thoughts. The other weird thing about the situation, though, is that the ON A BREAK action happened at the end of April, then in May my girlfriend and I had our BEST MONTH EVER. Weird; she didn't know anything about the other woman, but for five weeks all her pushing me away ("I need my single time"; "our lifestyles (kids vs. no kids) don't match", etc. etc.) stopped, it just stopped. So we have the absolute best month of our relationship, I clam up out of fear of blowing that and just hope that the "fling" from April will go away (it never would have though, can see that now). That only makes it worse when she finds out -- knowing I had said nothing about it for five weeks. So I screwed this up in so many ways it's pretty hard to count 'em all. And now I miss her like crazy, can't see past the pain and the thought of anyone else is just, well, not appealing. Don't know if any women read this board -- may post this on the main board too -- but if so, I guess I'm interested in hearing whether there is any hope from a female perspective. I'm CONVINCED I can make sure it won't happen again (prayer, counseling, some other strategies to change things here) but again, me knowing that and her or anyone else believing that may be two different things. Again thanks for your comments, will read them again and take to heart. Guess if I can offer one other word from EXPERIENCE. Anyone who is smart enough to read this board BEFORE they do anything stupid and hook up with another woman when they are not quite sure what the status is with the current one -- JUST DON'T DO IT. NO REASON you cannot wait at least a few months to make sure the first relationship is really over. IF I'd have just done that, things would have been so very different indeed, WHETHER OR NOT my girlfriend and I got back together. Point is jumping from one to another is JUST NOT GOOD and JUST NOT WORTH IT. PERIOD. Thanks for the opp to say that....

Here's the quick and dirty. Had a great girlfriend, one year...light of my life though a tough relationship as she is divorced with two young children and I have never been married, no kids. Both early 40s, same age. We had problems in April -- broke up "sort of" -- and I went out with another woman; dated her, kissed her, slept together (sort of) one very forgettable night. Then my girlfriend and I worked things out and were back together. Things with the other woman ended right then. My girlfriend did not know about it, though, and a month passed before she found out, from me just before she was going to be told by others. She dumped me like a bad habit. I'm crushed -- know who is to blame but that only makes the hurt worse as it adds shame, embarrassment, guilt and believe it or not CONFUSION -- WHY did I risk a great thing for this utterly forgettable episode? So the questions: Anyone (male) here ever done this before, and did you get back together or not? What happened? Any females want to weigh in with their thoughts? She considers it "cheating" and I guess it may be seen as that because some of it was being set up -- have to admit -- while my girlfriend and I were in heavy discussions but not quite apart. ANY way my girlfriend can trust me again? And about me -- am I destined to repeat this kind of thing? Do you believe a person can do something so wrong, suffer so much from it that he can learn to NEVER, EVER do it again? I hope and pray that is so. Any thoughts appreciated.