hiddenID

It's comforting to know that someone else saw some "bad" signs too, and that my decision wasn't completely in the wrong. But I do know that there is fault to my end of this stuation as well... I appreciate your advice!

She's told me that because I'm doing this to her, we'll never speak again. I know that a lot of what she is saying comes from hurt and feelings of betrayal. But it still plays on the fact I'm unsure of myself and upset. Is it fair to have done what I did? Or should I have tried to work harder at making things right, as she tells me now that she "spent every day trying to make me happy" and to fix the problems in the relationship. She says I gave up. And while to some extent I did, it comes from my understanding that she simply isn't someone I feel I can marry. I just need insight, the more the better. It's funny that you say "unless your heartless, breakups are never easy." I feel terrible, but even as she is crying her eyes out, all I can say is "I'm sorry, so sorry" with dry eyes. I DO feel TERRIBLE and I mean it when I'm more sorry than I have ever been. But I feel a sense of relaxation and comfort knowing that the relationship is not continuing... that she doesn't have to keep hopelessly searching for my affection, that I have a future that still can be happy with someone, and that the disappointment with the relationship is gone. I wish I didn't have to do this to her... this isn't what I want to do to her...

I know these posts can get loooong. I'll be brief and to the point. But please, I need your advice and total honesty. I am a strong person and can accept if I am completely in the wrong. 24 years old, male, college graduate, have been dating a 21 year old girl, in her last year of school, for a few days more than a year. 48 hours ago, we broke up. It was my decision and I guess you could say I "dumped" her because breaking up was not something she wanted to do. In the past month I realized that I could not marry the person I was with and was no longer happy. Marriage had not been discussed, it was just a realization that I would not be happy spending the rest of my life with her. Our relationship wasn't bad, but wasn't great. It was good and fairly routine, however. We had differences in personalities that seemed to bother me more than her. I'm naturally a sensitive person and very sweet, always taking into consideration my partner's feelings and generally happy doing anything together. She, on the other hand, is extremely sarcastic and says words like "I hate you" and "you're a total {insult here}" all the time, but claims to always be joking. I'm never right, she always is, and most of what I find enjoyable and happy, she openly claims "is stupid." There are more little personality problems (she gets irritated with me instantly and I can never be myself as a result), but I'm trying to keep it short. But these differences aside, we have a lot in common and enjoy each other tremendously. But with my realizations and loss of happiness, I stopped being affectionate. To compensate, she started lavishing the attention on me trying to get some in return, which I recognized and further depressed me. And I committed a terrible action in a relationship, I didn't tell her I felt this way. I didn't want to feel this way, I wanted everything to be perfect again, so I didn't want to bring it up. I hoped my feelings would go away or right themselves. So, we broke up in the middle of a fight, but I do want to be apart. I care about her more than anything still, though. I hate the fact she's crying and calling me a "horrible person" for doing this to her. She tells me that I'll "never be happy ever again" because she "is the best thing I'll ever have." And I'm scared and worried. Did I do the right thing, or am I a horrible person? I didn't want this. I didn't want to hurt her. I just found too much grief in our differences, despite all the great things (this has been the best relationship I've ever had). I don't want to keep hurting her by making her feel like she needs to keep desperately giving affection. I feel like we just weren't compatable 100% and as a result, I grew unhappy and it led to this. This has turned longer than I wanted it, so I hope someone has read it through. And I know it's difficult to give insight, but I would appreciate it. I feel horrible and I'm unsure of myself. I just need your help, please...