Ross Midnight

Well, that wasn't so bad. Turns out the young lady is going through a divorce right now; not exactly the best time to try a date out. I feel better either way. Thank-you again for the observations and theories, folks.

Want to make that guy's day? Smile, say hello, and compliment his appearance (something other than what he's wearing). I almost guarantee he'll feel like Superman for the whole day. We socially anxious are very sensitive to what we look like in other people's eyes.

Well, today was one of those educational days you wish you could live through and then go back to a few days prior. I believe I managed to squander what might've been an excellent gift by having sat quietly, watched, smiled and done nothing for the length of time thus far granted to me. If intuition serves me as well as it usually does, I believe the wonderful lady has found herself a fortunate companion. I may look into it tomorrow when we share a longer shift just to be sure. Wow, I'm so damn awesome.

Thank-you for the insight. I apologize if the question seems silly to ask; I have social anxiety, as well as (thankfully) an external frame of reference. Getting second opinions that are positive I've found to be a nice trick for alleviating the anxiety.

If I may, sir: I have no experience in dating or initiating courtship with women. However, I do have a somewhat formidible bit of personal experience with social anxiety and experiencing the same sensations you've captured here (if not similar circumstances). I would like to invite you to take a step back and avoid defensiveness for a moment, if you would: - You recount women (whom you yourself may or may not have been interested in) becoming, for lack of a more formal word, flirtatious with you (physical contact, eye contact, smiling, presumably some verbal interaction), even though they weren't interested in you. But how do you know they weren't interested? The way you describe the situation would suggest otherwise. Did they (either directly or indirectly) let you know this somehow, or is it something you yourself have just assumed? If it is just an assumption, or even what you would define as an educated hypothesis, how did you arrive at it? Explain the answer to this question to yourself in detail (and if you want, share it). - The single mother who was expressing interest in you - how did you arrive at the conclusion that she simply knows that you yourself aren't good at contributing to setting-up a date? Are you certain she was really reading into your personal story, or could it be that she was merely listening to it? Again, ask yourself how it is that you arrived at the conclusion she is likely just trying to play with you. Breakdown and explain that conclusion to yourself. In my own personal experience, I've found that after simply taking a step back and breaking down my conclusions and assumptions into their components they lose their plausibility and (consequently) tangibility. Your own mileage may vary, of course. As far as your frustration and anger is concerned, I know where you're coming from in terms of having to live with it. I myself deflate and defeat it when it really crops-up by considering why it is I'm so mad. Typically, it's emotion I've built-up entirely on my own with a few powerful, but unfounded, inferences and speculations. While there are definitely manipulative and dangerous persons in the world, they're the exception rather than the rule; most people are not out to intentionally hurt or enrage you. Try to avoid words like 'pathetic' when dealing with yourself - it's vague, unuseful and likely inaccurate. Use terms that are more precise (even if they may be negative); for example, you sound rather angry and depressed. What, specifically, is conjuring these feelings? Explore the answer, break it down. If these feelings aren't something you feel is a positive influence, what could you do alleviate them? I apologize that I cannot lend a helping hand when it comes to approaching and dating women, I just hope my advice is useful to some degree as regards gradually overcoming your feelings of bitterness and hopelessness. Perhaps you can use this as a stepping stone to reaching your goal.

Salutations. ...Err... *Scratches back of neck* ...This feels a little awkward to be asking: What are typically the fairly telltale signs that a young lady is expressing interest in you? I don't have any experience in this area and it's not a field I feel I have a comfortable knowledge base in. I'm 22 and the lady in question is about the same age (24) if demograph is of particular significance? I want to avoid making large assumptions (particularly given my limited wisdom here) and would hate to think of myself simply being arrogant in this regard, but I have a growing hunch that she's indirectly trying to let me know that she likes me. She's more or less just an aquainted co-worker at the moment, but she appears to make an extra effort to say hello and goodbye to me whenever she passes my desk (I haven't noticed her doing this with any other co-workers, even ones she's friends with outside of work), she walks over to my desk between calls to start conversations without any purpose that I can fathom (for example, the last shift we worked together she stopped by to ask what I thought of the Valentines Day cartoon that another co-worker had drawn on the white board. I hadn't otherwise spoken to her all day. The day prior to that, she stopped at my desk to compliment me on how quiet I usually was. While I appreciated the comment, I also found it a little random and bizzarre), and she has been the initiator in every interaction or discussion we've had thus far (of course, she would've had to have been. I'm too timid to bring conversations to those of the fairer gender). This might just be me, but I'm pretty certain that I often catch her looking at me while I'm turned-away. Again, I don't know if this means anything, so I thought I'd ask. What do young ladies often do to imply interest? Am I just looking way too far into these things (I realize there could be any number of reasons for her to randomly start conversations and say hello, and I can't be sure whether this is something she just does to everyone at work - though I haven't myself seen it. The glances might also just be my imagination)? Might it be worth my while to ask her if she wants to do something, or should I probably just leave it be? Thank-you foryour time. - Kevin R. Brown