I met my current boyfriend (who is the father of my 2 year old son) while I was dating my high school sweetheart. I wasn't interested at first since I was already in a relationship but that changed once I got "attached" to my current boyfriend. I ended up cheating on my high school sweetheart and moving in and onto a full time relationship with my current boyfriend.
I know that starting a new relationship based on lies and infidelity is not the most healthy thing but we fell for each other and that's the way it played out.
Fast forward a few years and I had begun to send IM's and emails back and forth to some guy I knew from school. Some turned sexual and I was caught in the act. My boyfriend freaked and we almost broke up because of the trust issue. The thing is I never wanted to do any of the things I said I wanted to do with this online "friend" I just liked all the attention I got but I can see it from my boyfriend's eyes. I would be just as pissed as he was.
A few years later he found out I went out to a friend's house to see an ex of mine. Again, I had no intentions on doing ANYTHING with this man but again, I know how it looks.
This goes on and on over and over for me. I have a habit..no, it's an addiction to attention from people of the opposite sex. I do not want anything physical with them and I do not fall in love with them. All the lies aside, my boyfriend and I have a WONDERFUL life together with a 2 year old son and a fantastic sex life but I just can't seem to control myself when it comes to the attention.
My boyfriend makes me feel sexy and tells me he loves me. He's never done anything to damage my trust for him.
I want to be with my boyfriend and I want to stop what I'm doing but I don't know how. I've tried, let me tell you, I have put in a real effort but to no avail. I feel like no one understands where I'm coming from and I feel like an all out horrible person.
I've deleted my Myspace and I have changed all of my passwords to the same thing and given my boyfriend a list of my email addresses and the passwords just so that I can be caught again if I do get the temptation.
I feel alone and I want help. I do not want to be the person that I am.
