Berrygood

I don't think you should do it, but if you decide to I bet you'll look back and regret it, 1st because this girl that had sex with both of your friends is now someone you have had sex with isn't that kinda weird to you? 2nd you're better off waiting for someone you atleast care about than some girl you haven't had a relationship with. I don't advise getting a prostitute , but like someone else said finding a different girl that hasn't been with ur buddies is your best bet if you desperatly want to lose your virginity, that way you have nothing to worry about when it comes to who you failed and what not.

Okay, so we talked and it seems okay right now, but it also feels a little delicate. We had this schedule before where I didn't see him three days out of the week just so that I could have some time to myself, and also so that I could do my readings and work for class. In those three days we wouldnt have sex, it's something that was understood since when I saw him he expected sex. So he told me tonight that he is willing to try and not be upset when I say no, but the understood no sex thing on the days I dont see him shouldnt exist anymore. Do you guys think that's okay? I told him at this point that would be fine, as long as when I say no he can be understand since I am going to try and initiate more often so he feels wanted.

I'm not sure if that's true, I mean everyone is different. I ate the same thing I did before as I do now, when I had the same problem. Drinking the l. acidophilus really helped me, now I don't smell the acid or taste it. Lots of cranberry juice like Carnelian said is also helpful.

of course, I really do want to try not only for him but for me too, initiation in the bedroom can help me out in other aspects of my life especially since I can be shy at times.

Ok, the odor thing can be fixed..have you been to a gynecologist recently? If not just try to stay healthy don't junk food, drink lots of water like everyone else said but most importantly to keep everything balanced down there you should also take Lactobacillus acidophilus everyday, this bacteria lives in your vagina, and when there is extreme heat, moisture or direct sunlight it can cause the bacteria to die, meaning that your vagina will be unbalanced inside maybe causing it to have that acidic smell or taste. Eat yogurt too because it contains lactobacillus acidophilus, but if you don't like yogurt, or you're too busy just buy the pills, they should be like $3-$5 at the pharmacy. This stuff is great, it keeps your intestines healthy, prevents yeast infections and bv.

He does take his time with me, he likes kissing me all over, putting candles on, now that I write about it I feel like he does put alot of effort, at this point I feel selfish when I tell him no, and then the reinforcement I get from him that I'm being selfish in not having sex with him. What do I do when I'm just not in the mood, why can't he just accept a no? Why can't he just be okay with it if I am going to make an effort to initiate so he feels wanted. He says he doesn't believe I'll try, and that hes been wanting me to do this for awhile. but it never got through to me up until I started writing on this forum. The reason why I feel like we had sex more often in the beginning of our relationship is because I saw him considerably less than I do now, before I would only see him twice a week, and of course we had sex all of those times. Now the time when I see him has increased, and so since I gave it to him whenever I saw him I guess he expects the same even though I see him almost everyday. I haven't spoken to him in a few hours, and like I said before, he told me he would be understanding, but as the day passes he's getting upset again, I told him to think about what I'm saying, and tell me if he wants to compromise...I'm hoping he'll call me soon.

I guess I am lucky he's still attracted to me, and it's also hard to leave him because I think we still have alot of chemistry and sparks fly from tim eto time. But yes, hopefully he can meet me half way. I talked to him today about it, and he says he'll be more understanding, but as the day goes on for some reason he's getting sad. He's telling me that I'm giving him something in order to get something for me (I initiate, while he has to be understanding the times I don't want to have sex). I told him to think about everything, and if he decides he can't compromise then I understand, and we should break up. I will keep everyone posted on whats happening. I'm going to talk to him more after I get out of my class. Thank you guys, I honestly don't feel like I'm going to pull my hair out this time.

Either way, I'm willing to try, and if he doesn't want to compromise, and in the end he doesn't change the way he reacts then I am going to have to leave. If it's not about validation or feeling wanted like iceman and my bf say then what else could it be? I'll do my part, but at this point thats all I can give.

Syrix, thank you for putting so much attention to my problem, I really really appreciate everyones elses advice. It's funny because he does act like a little kids that doesn't get his toy, and I've actually used that to explain to him how he acts. We've talked about it in every which way he just doesnt understand why I have a lower sex drive, I guess it's because he has unrealistic ideas of women since he's been with just me.

I will try to keep up with my promise to him, he told me he would stop breaking it off over it as long as he sees some effort. I'm always up for a compromise, thats what being in a relationship is all about right? But, it's hard to change a habit, and it's also hard to change the way I think about initiation (I feel guys should always start). I think that finding someone at this age with a lower sex drive is quite hard to do. Aren't guys at their peak in their early 20's?

He doesn't give me the silent treatment, he just gets upset, sometimes he walks away, or sometimes we just lay down and watch tv, but it's not the same as it would be if we had sex, his energy is different after I reject him. It's not as easy finding a new bf, sex is important to him and it is to me, I just don't need it as much as he does, and I feel its selfish of me to downplay his wants. Even though it's selfish of him to want sex all the time if I'm in the mood or not. The problem with telling him I'll make it better another day is that I've tried that before, and I guess it's my fault because I didn't make it WONDERFUL. I have spoken to him today about this, I told him I will be willing to initiate more often, because at this point I hardly do it. He said he felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he also told me he will be understanding when I dont want to have sex, he said before there was never a compromise, he felt like I said no I dont want to have sex, but I never made an effort to do things he liked me to do later. We'll see if this works, he says he'll be more understanding, and happier, but I dont know. To be honest the more understanding and calm he is the more I want to have sex with him, I want him more when he's not down my throat about it. He's a great guy, I guess he feels rejected by me too often.

You're right, I do need to initiate more, and you know what maybe if I do then he can calm down since he uses sex as a form of validation. Maybe he'll feel like I want him, and yes, if he rejected me as much as I reject him, I know I would feel bad about it, and I probably would feel self-conscious. I'm going to try this and see how it works out, if it doesn't then I guess we aren't compatible in this area, and since it's sucha big deal then I should end it. I appreciate everyones help, I feel alot better just venting my problems to someone, friends are great, but I know if I told him them whats going on they would take my side, and that is only helpful sometimes.

Thank you Iceman, I totally see where you're coming from, I feel that sex is a validation for him, and he has told me that he feels attractive when I have sex with him. Except he doesn't cheat on me, so he looks to me for all of this sexually fulfillment, and at times I can't please him. Lboogie, I honestly think it's stupid that sex is soo important, I know it's a big part of the relationship, but to me it almost feels like its that only important thing in the relationship, we've talked in depth about this, but I never understand. Doyathink, What you felt is what I feel at times too, I feel like I have no control over my body anymore, sometimes I look back and regret having sex with him so frequently in the past. I have been giving him alot of attitude, and I told him it's because I'm angry about not being able to chose what I want to do. He says he'll try and be more understanding, but it fails after just one try, all the time. Tiredman, Initiation is a huge problem for me. If I'm not in the mood how can I initiate. I have tried in the past, but he says its not enough, but when I do pull through at times he gets very happy, and everything goes good up until the day I don't want to have sex. I guess I feel bad initiating because in alot of way's I'm shy, I dont feel like myself when I initiate. Do you have any suggestions? And no he never rejects me, hes always in the mood.

I've tried various times to change my mood about the whole situation. I've tried to be more in the mood, wear certain things so that I can feel sexy, but it only goes so far. It's almost like I'v esigned a contract that says 4 times a week, and any less will result in problems. He can chose not to have sex everytime, but the minute I dont want to that's when the problems start. He's like a light switch, I say no, and he shuts off for the rest of the day. I don't want to lose him because of this. I've read self help articles online, and some say that the best way to change a mood is to look at the situation at hand in a less negative light, try to step out of the situation and look for positive reasons. Now the problem is what reasons in this could be positive? If this doesn't work, I think I'm going to have to say bye, I just don't like to fail in anything especially him.

I am in love with him even though we've had our share of ups and downs, I havent lost interest in him at all, in any other aspect. I just don't have the sex drive he does, he can have it two to three times a day if he could, and I am not up to the level, I will never be. I could have sex three times a week n I'll be good. We have resolved alot of our problems, and I see myself being with him forever if this can finally get resolved. I just don't know how to get through to him that I have a choice, and just because I say no doesn't mean I dont like him or think he's not attractive, it just means I'm not horny.