SadOldMan

I think I'm starting to 'get real' about everything now. Sat here tonight, thinking about the past year, me distancing myself etc. I had started to feel resentment towards her. I teach adults. She hated it that there were women on the course. She assumed I fancied them all. I used to just laugh. Then there's my music. I've always enjoyed listening to music. She would come into the room and say "would you turn that * * * * off/down!?" I ended up hardly listening to anything, and when I did, it was with the headphones on. Weird how I'd 'forgotten' about some of this stuff in the raw beginnings. blog over

Well, I totally missed the signs with my ex.

Just been talking to my sister. She's of the opinion that my ex had thought about leaving for quite a long time and only chose to tell me after xmas. I think she might be right. 2 days of NC. Jeez

I don't wish my ex any more pain or grief. She's going through an emotional time as it is....and she dumped me! ;-) Nope, definitely wouldn't wish on her the pain I feel.

Had a really long talk with her tonight. The upshot of it all was that she only sees me as a friend at this moment and she wants to be alone. She's going to stay with her mother tomorrow.

I'm back 'home' now. She's not here. Looks like she went out over the weekend, as there's some pretty clothes on the floor. I felt a pang of jealousy but it's subsided now. Phew....it's hard work isn't it?

Pisces Princess: I just wanted to apologise to you. So wrapped up in my own grief/self pity etc, I had not noticed you too are going through a traumatic time. I really hope your life turns around and happiness returns to you again.

I'm staying at my dads for the weekend. I have decided to get a loan and get myself a flat. I cannot bear the atmosphere in the house anymore. We're not arguing or anything, it just overpowers me. At 00:00 last night I texted her to say how much I loved her. She replied...."I thought you'd be asleep. Get some rest and chill out!"

I seem to be using this like a personal blog. Sorry. A week after telling me, bearing in mind I'd been on the sofa for a few weeks, she asked me if I wanted to sleep in the bed. I did, for two nights. No touching, cuddling o anything was allowed. This hurt worse than sleeping downstairs. I told her, if she was only doing this to keep the peace, then she was not being very nice. So, I went back downstairs. Yesterday, I had a day off work to catch up on the painting. At lunch time, she rang. A real pleasant "It's only me!" and would I like anything bringing in?, food etc. I didn't so said 'no thanks'. Then she gets home from work and we didn't say a word to eachother all night. Gah! I've been reading loads of threads on here. All talking about NC or LC and think of yourself. Heal yourself etc. I even went to the doctor the other day because I thought I was in a downward spiral and was a little scared. The 'clouds' have lifted slightly since then. Again, sorry if this seems more like a blog. It does help me though.

Renting. Neither of us has much money to go now. It's a two wage house. We have to wait until/if ours sells.

Pisces_Princess: I have. She is still too hurt. "I need to be alone". She knows how I feel. I've sat and told her, very calmly, countless times over the past 2 weeks. I think I need to give her some space to breathe now. I'm clutching at straws here. I don't know what to do for best.

Last night she started to tell me about a house she'd been to view. Told me all the details of every room. It hurt like mad to listen to her but I politely smiled at the correct times. Later on, she came into my room and apologised. "I don't know what I was thinking, sorry". This morning, her sister rang from Australia. After the phone call, she came to see me, very upset. I gave her a hug and told her she'll be fine. Sigh. Forgot why I wanted to post now

SuperDave71: Arrogance set in I guess. The more I drifted away from her, the more resentment I received, the more I drifted away. Yes...I know, totally idiotic.

SuperDave71: I'm sat here, wracking my brains to remember what exactly was the spark that started this in motion. I'm struggling. I've never been the best at expressing my love I guess. She would get angry at me..."show me you care!", things like that. I don't know. My head's a bit muddled at the minute. I'll go away and have a good think.

Pisces Princess. I will. Thanks

Her exact words to me were "I worshiped the ground you walked on and you've broke my heart". Yes, I have been very immature. I have held up my hands to anyone from family, work colleagues, anyone!, it is my fault. I accept that. I accept that she has had enough. I'm just really struggling with the fact I'm not as nice person as I thought I was. I know...ease up on the self pity

I think it was something silly during an argument (I really can't recollect). I remember it hurting me deeply. From then on, I distanced myself. Maybe because I didn't want hurting like that again. Instead, I hurt more than at any other time in my life. You have to laugh, don't you?

I have been with my partner for 12 years. We have lived together for 7, in a house we bought. Last year, for reasons I no longer remember, I distanced myself from her. We ended up just about living in separate rooms coming up to xmas 2006. 3 days after xmas day, she said that she'd had enough and no longer wanted me. She told me how I had been over the past few months and it was as though I had been hit in the face with a hammer. I couldn't believe the way I'd been. So, the house is being painted, ready to sell. She's off her separate way and I have to find a place to live. I've told her that, the moment she told me what I had done, I changed. I truly believe that. I've said I love her more than anything in the world etc, but she isn't having none of it. Everything is still very raw at the minute. Us living in the same house doesn't help. I can't believe I've destroyed something that I wanted to keep. Oh!, a question. Any chance of winning her back? thought not Thanks for reading