HDD

NC does help. it helps you move on with your life and not think about your ex too much. some days are good while other days are just horrible and lonely as hell. i realized that i cant be friends with my ex, at least not for a long time. its just so hard to not pick up that phone and dial his number, but it gets easier as the days go by. i hope. Just like u hockeyboy, i told myself last week that i was going to call him on the first week of march because he is going out of the country for 10 days and just wanted to wish him a safe trip. i guess also because he called me before my hawaii trip and told me he loved me anyways, now this week, i dont feel like calling him anymore. i figured, why does it matter? will he even care? he doesnt want to hear from me.

this is why i want to see a therapist because i dont know how to focus all these feelings of mine into a healthy process. i dont want revenge and i want him to be happy with whatever he decides, i mean, i love him and still care about him a lot. so, that isnt driving me to move on. its just my evil side wishing bad things for him. but i really want both of us to find happiness. i just want this pain to end SOO bad, i want to be happy and free again, like i used to be before i met him... a free spirit.

i analyzed our relationship a lot in these past couple of months and realized what i did wrong. i am not perfect and i have many faults, and i am working on not making those same mistakes again. i dont really care about what his problems are, like you said, focus on YOU/ME, because i dont have the power to change him, i can only change myself.

i know he is hurting but he is a very strong minded individual and i know i am taking this way more worse than he is. he also had a history of drug addiction issues, parental divorce issues, etc (before i even met him a long time ago) but he turned out to be a very successful well rounded kind and loving man, and I feel like i helped him with that. its just makes me so mad that after all those years, it has to end. that he changed

by the way, i need you all to be hard with me and straight forward... i need all the help i can get.

you're right. i should not think that i will be hurting in months to come. i will be fine.. just need a few days, maybe weeks. its just really hard, thats all. i havent been through anything like this in my entire life which is why i am having such a hard time with this. yesterday i felt better, i dont know why, i just felt like i needed to accept the fact that he doesnt want to come back, he wont. so i need to move on. he told me he needs his space, he wants to try and date other people, so, let him. we gave it a shot and it didnt work out. he will be fine and so will I. but i still cant get him out of my mind before i go to sleep... i draemt about him again last night, when will that ever end!

i had a pretty lame weekend. watched the oscars yesterday and pretty much spent the entire day on the couch.

i cannot wait for the day when I feel like that. i still have hope that he will come back but i dont want to think about that anymore and move on. i am DONE and OVER with this and its time for me to be strong. you are lucky that you have accepted that yuor ex isnt coming back... now you need to work on YOU and your future with your kids and possible another wonderful woman. i wish the next few months flies by and something amazing happens to get my mind off of my ex!

i know exactly how you feel astaro. i dread going to bed at night because all those memories and thoughts of my ex keeps flashing in my head and i just want to turn it off but i cant. worse part is, i even dream about my ex at night and good dreams and i wake up in a sweat or crying cause its all just a dream. sometimes when i am not tired and just having the worse day, i drink a glass of wine to help me relax but exercising helps a lot. I also watch TV till i fall asleep and just go to bed. i will try reading next but it feels like anything i do just doesnt help this situation. i guess it will take time and many more lonely sleepless nights to get through this... we are all here feeling the same thing with you.

i do have a list of things i do when i start obsessing about him... i went swimming today and met some nice people in the jacuzzi... it felt good to chat with random people... i dont want to date anyone right now but i do need to make new friends... my whole life revolved around my ex and i didnt spend as much time with my friends as I should have (Big Lesson learned!)... now i just want to rekindle those friendships and stay busy. i am the type of girl who needs to stay busy otherwise i go crazy. when i was with my ex, we were always together and doing something and that kept me busy. now i miss being around him and being with him. the reason why i am having such a hard time is probably because i went into this relationship with the idea that this is it, he is the one. and its very sad to see how people change after 6 years

i want to see a therapist so i can figure out whats wrong with me, what did I do wrong and how can I fix myself for my next relationship... i know the relationship didnt fall apart because it was all HIS fault.. i know i had my share of problems too... but didnt think we wouldnt make it through.

hi everyone,

i am having a hard time with this break up. i dont understand why it is so hard for me to let go of my ex. i mean 6 years of being with someone kind of takes a toll on your emotions, heart, mind, body etc. i guess i just need to figure out what to do with all this spare time and about my future. i am scared for the first time in my life about whats out there. i dont really want him back anymore cause we broke up and there is a reason why relationships fall apart. if he really wants me, he knows where i live and what my # is. but i need to move on. i used to believe in destiny but not anymore.

i am thinking about seeing a therapist but not sure how to find a good one. i have never been to one and dont know if they really work. any suggestions would be helpful.

also, i feel like he is going to regret this decision, i dont know why its just a feeling I have.... and that kind of drives me to want to let him go and move on even more, could that be revenge? i just want to get him off of my mind.... i think about him way too much. and i know he isnt hurting as bad as I am cause he has gone through worse things in his life, so he is capable of dealing with this better. and I want to be a strong and independent woman and show him that I dont need him anymore. i am happy...i just need to make it through this.

Elithepi, dont let a blind date ruin your quest to meet new people. It was one bad experience and you will probably have many more bad ones so you can actually appreciate the good ones. and you know what, even though your ex was the best at everything and she was perfect, remember no body is perfect!! not even your ex. she did something wrong.. the way she broke up with you... if she was perfect in everyway, then that would be different. so, there ARE women out there who will Match up to her, and probably be even better. Now you know how it feels to be with someone who you think is ideal for you, so go look for that in other women. have fun and be +ve about your future prospects.

I am almost in my 3rd month of my breakup and i got asked out on a date last week while I was on vacation. it felt good to be asked out by a guy who was very attractive and very well qualified. and it gave me hope that maybe there will be others out there for me who will be better than my ex. my ex was not perfect, but i loved him anyways for who he was. I miss him immensely and i did compare him with the new guy. but it wasnt as bad as i thought becuase it was just a date, nothing happened. i just made a friend, u know. i know there are better guys out there but its just hard to move on when you've been with someone for so long and you still love him. it takes time and effort to meet new people... and I know you will be able to find someone special!!!

Good luck and keep us posted.

i guess when it comes down to it, its just a matter of personal preference. everyone does not have the oppertunity to meet people online, but one can give it a try. i have stopped saying things like, "i will never date anyone online" because i have done a lot of things that i once thought i would never do. so, even though this method has worked for Batya, Ghost on the other hand prefers more of a personal/face2face interaction, like me. but that doesnt mean online dating does not work, becuase it has and i have seen success stories. its just not my cup of tea.

thats a great post Superdave. i am having the same problem with my ex. he said he needs his space and he wants to date other girls. i said go for it. if he needs his space, i'll give it to him. i want to move on and stop hoping for US to work out. i know in my heart that he will regret this decision someday, and it will be too late then for US to be together. its just sad that things had to end this way. giving someone the space they need is so hard specially like you said, when you Love them so much. but from reading all these posts, i guess the less you talk to them, the more they miss you? how weird, i had no idea thats how it worked. I hope i meet someone cool soon and get my mind off of him for a change. even though it hasnt been that long since we broke up, it sure feels like a years have gone by.

i have friends who have met their husbands online as well. but i just find it scary to talk to someone whom i cant see. maybe its just a personal thing but i prefer to see them rather than talking to them online. although being online would be safer in many ways. i tried to give it a shot one time but i just couldnt do it. maybe i dont trust what people say about themselves.

i dont mind when a guy starts a conversation with me, as long as he isnt a weirdo and there is some form of attraction between us. i am not an internet person as well. i find it wayyy tooo scary and too many untrsutworthy people out there. so i guess i will have to try it the good old fashioned way... go out there and do things/activities. the art show sounds like fun... i will have to give that a shot.

Hmmm a quickie huh? I had no idea. i thought he was actually decent lol anyways, glad that didnt go any further. the problem with me is i am not a flirt and i dont like to flirt. its nice when a guy starts a conversation with me but unless i feel a vibe from him, a strong one, i wont approach him. so, i guess he did find me attractive which is good... hopefully there are more out there for me to talk to just so i can practise and make friends. i am not a big party/drinking person so that might be kind of hard to do.

Congratulations!!!! this is what everyone hopes for but rarely ever get. And you are lucky enough to have found love all over again specially with the same person!!!!!!!!

I didnt think that was possible to get back together with your ex's. my ex and I still love each other and love was never a problem, it was always outside problem, but we were great together. but we didnt make it and decided to call it quits cause it gets old after a while, and i guess he got tired of all the pressure. i hope maybe someday we can realize we were meant for each other and get back together. but i dont know if i can take him back after he has dated other girls... unless i date as well. Did you two date while you were apart? does the ex really realize that you were the one or does he crawl back to you because the new one didnt work out? my ex told me he needs his space (which pretty much means, he needs to date other girls). We are both trying to move on but i have a slight hope in my heart for things to work out between us. but i wont let that stop me from living and loving again.

I am happy for you and your new life. i hope the two of you find lots and lots of happiness and love in the years to come!

yes i do NOT want a bf right now. but i would like to interact and meet new people and feel attractive again. u know what i mean. i guess it just takes time.

Batya, i google everyone up I dont trust myspace a lot but its fun to see what people have to say about themselves.

I think your fiance is going to cause more trouble for you later if you decide to marry her. if this is her reaction now towards a ring that is supposed to have MORE meaning than ANYTHING else in the world, and she is making such a huge deal about how its not big enough... i mean, whats wrong with her? u know what, if she isnt happy about your financiual situiation NOW, she wont be in years to come. she sounds very materialistic and selfish. let her find someone with money... obviously Happiness means NOTHING to her... its all about wealth and who has the bigger stone on her finger! UGH!! this really pisses me off. Good luck and i hope she snaps out of this and realizes what she will loose from this childish drama!

oh i totally understand what you are saying. i didnt believe what he said, so i had to google him up and sure enough he was telling the truth. and i know his is single cause i saw his myspace profile and it didnt seem like he had a gf. but then again, i could be wrong. nevertheless, it was an interesting experience. i deleted his # from my cell two days ago. over it. it was good practise.

because when we were talking, he didnt mention anything about a gf or wife and his conversations were more geared towards him and how he spends his time. he told me is a resident doctor and was planning on buying a house. so i figured he was single. he asked me who i came with and i said my sister, so i guess he figured i was single too so he asked me out.

the only reason i texted him is because he texted me first to give me the address of the place he wanted me to go to. so i figured he was a text person. i am not big on texting but i didnt want to call him so i figured the frist method was more casual.

i know he is single but you are probably right, maybe he met someone else or something, but it would be helpful to know why he couldnt have texted me back and said nice to meet you too. but it did feel good to be asked out even for 20 min and by a very well qualified bachelor. too bad we couldnt be friends. i just dont know how to handle these situations... kind of rusty u know. any tips? where does one go to meet people?

Hi everyone,

i am new to this attraction, flirting and dating scene so i need to ask you guys for some advice/tips on how its done. Its been a while since i've actually dated, i have been in a 6 year relationship that just ended couple of months ago and I am not ready to date yet but i just wanted to test the water and see if i still have it in me to meet new people. You see something happened couple of days ago with this guy but i think I blew it somehow (maybe not) which is why i need to ask your opinion.

so i was out of town vacationing in tropical paradise and i was sitting at a coffee shop browsing the net, when this guy who was sitting in the table front of me (Hot!) started talking to me. it felt like he was interested in getting to know me better. we talked for like 40 minutes or so and then he had to leave but before he left he gave me his # and asked me to stop by this place where he usually hangs out. So, i thought to myself, why not. I went, but it was kind of odd cause we only talked for like 20 minutes and he said he had to leave. He said he will call me later to see if i will be at the coffee shop. but i didnt go there that evening and neither did he call.

The next day i stopped at the coffee place to check my email and bumped into him again but this time he was busy reading and didnt really want to talk. So, i just did my thing and he left without even saying bye. So, i had to get back in town the next day and sent him a text message saying it was nice to meet him, but i didnt get any response back. i guess he lost interest or something in me, dont know why. probably cause i am NOT good at this. but i gave it a shot and it felt good to know that i still have something in me to attract men with.

So, what do u think? did he just figure, i didnt live there so whats the point? i did not gve him any indication of wanting to be more than friends... i dont want to be in a relationship now, just want to meet new people.

you're right. it was just an impulsive move on both of our part. it felt really good at the moment but i cant keep doing it. its not like it will happen anytime soon again cause he doesnt even live here anymore. i need to meet new people. how do you start? I mean, where do you go? how do you meet someone after being with one person for years! i just need something to distract my mind from him and make me feel attractive again.

u know something, i got asked out on a date in hawaii by this really attractive guy! It felt really good to know that there is hope out there ... when i least expected it too. I was just sitting at a coffee shop on my laptop and he starts starts talking to me. but nothing happened we just talked. i probably scared him away lol i just feel like i've lost my touch or something... i am kind of rusty.

any tips?

also, after a breakup and after dating again, is it possible to ever want to get back with your ex? i mean, do you ever date someone and think, "my ex was better, i hope i didnt make a mistake?" would you go back? or just deal with the current gf? personally i dont think ex's ever come back... but i was just curious to know if it ever happened.

hi everyone!

I am back again hawaii was AMAZING and i had a great time. I really needed the break and even though i missed my ex immensely, i tried not to think about him too much... but the fact that everyone there is a couple didnt really help However, i had a great time. Will def. go back there soon.

Anyways, i need to tell you guys some things to straighten out my head.

the weekend before i left for hawaii, my ex shows up in town (he moved out of town months ago because he got a great job offer). He calls me at 9pm friday night and asks me how i am doing and all that and that he misses me and this is all hard for him. so we talk and stuff, then he asks me what I think was missing from our relationship... and i said sex... cause towards the end, I just didnt feel like doing it as much as I did initially, maybe because i was unhappy or sad that things werent going to work out between us. Anyways, as soon as I said that, he said, REALLY! Then he tells me he is driving in town. And one thing let to the other and i ended up spending the night with him. It was AMAZING! However, we both knew it was just temporary. He even asked me if i was emotionally strong enough to see him and be intimate after everything and i figured i was, i just needed that really bad, so i wasnt really thinkin about anything else. He called me the next day and the day after when he left. He felt really sad once again for leaving me. Well, i just got a whif of hope when all that happened thinking we might have a chance again. But, i wasnt optimistic about it and wasnt expecting anything back from him. He told me, we are great together as a couple, friends, best friends etc, but marriage is a whole different ball game (given our cultural and religious differences) and he doesnt see it working out. That just made me sad again... knowing that we wont be married... bec thats all we ever talked about. he kept saying things like, i dont want to regret this decision, i dont think i can find a girl like you... wat was all that abt...](*,)

Anyways, i left for hawaii as soon as that happened so i didnt get a chance to tell you guys and i really wanted to. remember how I was worried about telling him about me going to hawaii, well him showing up solved that issue. he was a little sad that i was going there but i said i needed a break from everything and a vacation. he even called me on the day i left and told me he loved me. i told him i will call him from hawaii... and i did the next day. we talked for 5 min and he said we need to try and move on becuase otherwise we will go back to where we started off and end up breaking up again, repeating the same cycle.

I am confused.... is this normal? is this hard for us because we were so close and we are both having a hard time with this break up? what is going through his head? I dont understand. i know he is talking to other girls, trying to move on and stuff (he didnt tell me, but i just have a feeling). I want to try and see if i can talk to guys again cuase i know I am attractive and intelligent... I just dont feel like putting in the energy right now... i just really want to settle down and be with someone, my biological clock is ticking!!! I dont know whats wrong with me, maybe seeing all those couples in hawaii really got to me somehow and i had nowhere to vent except you guys. I want to see him again and touch him and all that, and I know he does too... but whats the point.

just need to know what you think about all this.

I'm going to be okay..even better..I just have to hurt for a bit..but I can make it through anything because I'm strong, smart loving courageous and kind, it's time to celebrate ME

I'm going to be okay..even better..I just have to hurt for a bit..but I can make it through anything because I'm strong, smart loving courageous and kind, it's time to celebrate ME

I'm going to be okay..even better..I just have to hurt for a bit..but I can make it through anything because I'm strong, smart loving courageous and kind, it's time to celebrate ME

its time to move on.... and let go...

I hope either way, i get through this fast... i dont know how much longer i can take such pain. I know this is my first time dealing with a break up (and on top of that, after 6 years!!), but i hope i wont be doing this again... it hurts way too much! its just hard becuase i put everything into this relationship, everything ! and now all i have left is me. It just feels lonely i guess. i dont think he will want to get back with me after NC... which is fine, but i cant hold on to that hope anymore. I used to always make the first move, the first effort in getting back together but i guess i shuoldnt have tried so hard to fix something that didnt want to be fixed. I just hope he knows that i truly do care for him and still love him. aww Blender, thank you for those words, reading them bought tears to my eyes and it made me feel better. i just have to let go and let him live his life. its over and i have to accept it.

WOW Orlander! that was very encouraging! Thank you

I'm really happy for you