HDD

Blender, you are right. its NOT about our families. Yes, maybe partly... but not entirely.

To tell u honestly, I believe i was totally accepting of who HE was and what he believed in. I was a part of everything him and his family did. I had no problems with that, i actually enjoyed it, most of the time. But it wasnt the same for him. He enjoyed it the first couple of years but then, he started to feel indifferent about it and not want to be a part of things. Its not that i wanted him to change, i love him for who he is, but when you are in a relationship with different cutlural and religious beliefs, you have to be open and wiling to do a lot of things that you normally woudlnt. and I guess in a way, he got tired of it.

I also have a lot of friends who are married and come from different religious backgrounds, just like our situtaion. but in their cases, the guys are more laid back and they havent gotten bored of their wife's culture and religious pracitices. I dont blame my family for any of this, or his. I believe if we TRULY wanted to be with each other, or he wanted to be with me, he would do the right thing and not give up.

the reason I didnt mention much about the break up is because I knew that people will think its a STUPID reason. But we really didnt have any choice. maybe we did, but its over and now I need to move on and learn from it.

yes I know. Its stupid and its a lame reason to end something so special. And i probably might never forgive myself for it, but I know that i will never do it to my children or anyone who is in the same boat as I was.

but in a way, i guess we both just started to grow apart from all this and in the end, it just didnt feel right. Its weird how things like this happen and it just really makes me mad at how the people int his world are so stuck on ONE religion. This really helped me view things on a entirely different level and gave me a whole new perspective on life.

okay. the first few years we did not even think about the religious issues. we were just in love. after that, he was willing to make the changes my family asked him to, and I was already being a part of his. Then, his parents became religious and startted pressuring him. He ignored it for years but on our 6th year, it was getting to him.. and i he started to change. When i say change, i dont mean his love towards me, but the fact that he needs to make changes to be part of my family. Even though my parents like him a lot, and his parents liked me a lot, we both had pressure to change. And we both didnt want to. And then we thought, well if they are doing this now, what will they do when we get married and start having kids? we both love each other but also love our family and we want them to be a part of our life. He always wanted me to rebel/run away with him (but deep down inside, he wanted me to be happy and he knew thats not what I would do to start a life with him). So, we tried to break up in July of last year, but we gave in in the hope that One of us will make the big change, but we never did and this time, its for real. We both wont do it, so whats the point. I guess u can say that we were together too long and if anything had to happen, like marriage, it should have happened a long time ago.

Maybe in some way, i was scared to get married (and i should have after 2 years of dating him). I dont know why? now, i feel like maybe it was for a reason... but I sure as hell have no idea why.

I know Superdave! I dont know what i was thinking! I def. need to be duct taped to the floor!

Scout, we broke up because religious pressure from both sides of the family, his and mine. The two of us were great together. We complimented each other. WE were never the problem (sometimes yes, but which couple doesnt have problems). But we used to always work things out. but this was too much to deal with for both of us, and after 6 years (5 very memorable ones), we deiceded to call it quits becuase we did not want to get into something and end of getting a divorce. We didnt want to break up, but had no choice. We were best friends and more. I dont know if this answers your question or not, but thats the short honest version. Let me know if you need to know more.

So, after that, was what I did stupid of me?

So, out of sheer impulse, i emailed my ex yesterday to ask him how he was doing. (by the way, he called me two weeks ago and i missed his call, but didnt think it was urgent caues he didnt leave a message so i never called him back). After i send my email (of course i hate myself right after i did it), he replies in like 2 min and tells me he called because he needed to talk to me about this horrible experience he had. I never returned his call so he's been worried and he misses me a lot. .

I feel kind of bad for not answering his call but how was I to know he went through something and he needed to 'talk'. If it was that bad, he would have called me later. I was in no mood to talk back then, so i am glad i didnt answer. However, now, I dont know if i should call him or not. I dont want to get back ( atleast not right now) with him and i dont think he does either, but i know he doesnt want me totally out of his life, and neither do I.

What should I do!?

Paco,

remember, she cheated on you. there is NO excuse for that! Absolutely NO EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! You deserve SO much better than her. She doesnt sound like she is worth all anything anymore! I understand what you must be going through. Being cheated on must be one of the most horrible feelings one can get. But, that only reinstates the fact that she isnt worth your time and energy. Seriously... you are a good person and you care about others and one day you will get a girl who treats you like the way you deserve to be treated. If she cheated on you now, she will always cheat on you. For some reason, i kind of believe that. So, be happy that it ended NOW rather than later.

Go out there and find someone who meets your expectations and loves YOU (not her selfish needs)!

Feel the anger and let it out! it helps. Also, go hit a punching bag and knock yourself out (pretend its her face you're hitting... )

We're here for you whenever you need to vent! so, let it all out

Hi Everyone,

hope u are all doing well. I havent posted here in a while but I have been reading everything. I have been trying to keep myself busy so I dont start thinking about my ex.

I was almost tempted to call him today, but did not because i just felt like i had nothing to say to him. And listening to his voice would probably open up old wounds or something. I wonder if guys ever feel the urge to call and stop themselves from doing it... i am not sure if it happens more to females or males, i know I used to be the one to make the first call.

I am feeling much better as the days go by, but the other day for some reason, i just started crying in the bathroom... just missed him SO much. I just couldnt believe WE are done. i am afraid that I still have some hope in my heart for him to come back and I dont want to feel that, but I cant help myself. i know we probably will NEVER be together again, and i need to stop thinking that... i just dont know HOW! which is why i try and keep my mind busy.

How do you let the hurt go and the hope of ever getting back together? Right now, i hope to talk to him someday in the future and not WANT him back, which is why i havent called him cause i dont want to sound desperate. is that why he hasnt called me either (other than the missed call i had from him a week and a half ago)? Is he also scared of how he feels about me and does not want to open old wounds?

talk to me please....

This is long but SO worth the read. It really helps me when I want start thinking about whether or not I should call him. Its from a different forum, but I am sure we all could use a little bit of straightforward advice

Submitted by Ocean: This is a post from a person (I can't trace her/him, but I am giving credit to whoever originally wrote it, thank you) from another forum.

"STOP the inanity!" Your first problem is that you are begging him back. Wrong! In SO many ways that is the worst approach possible. Men sometimes want what they can't have. Men are territorial. He may not think he wants you, but I can assure you he will not sleep well knowing that you don't give a rat's *ss. All of the crying, begging, pleading, bargaining, and pity you hope for will never happen. It sickens men to know you are that obsessed with losing them. However, beating yourself up is not going to help you achieve future happiness. Are you listening? This is the best advice you are ever going to get. No therapist will give it to you like this. Either make the mistakes I've made in my naive days, or wake the hell up and give this schmuck a run for his money.

If you do not follow the rules exactly, you will fail miserably and all of the crying and pity parties in the world will get you no where. I'm being blunt because there is no time for sugar coating. If you listen to me and listen up good, he will not know what hit him. If he never comes back, what do you have to lose? At least you will not feel like an obsessive fool that is allowing him to weaken the strength that you have if you choose to have it. You must adapt to these new rules: Don't call him. Don't write 5 page love novels to him. Don't act jealous. DON'T let him see you cry. Simply appear that you do NOT give a rat's *ss. Go out.

I don't care if it is all you can take to drag your miserable butt out of that bed GET OUT and breathe. If he hears through the grape vine that you are out having fun and NOT pining over him, he will bust his balls to find out what you are up to. And that's just basic human nature of men being territorial. He knows that he has you under his thumb. In his mind you are too hung up on him to have a life, and he views it as a pathetic weakness. Oh heck no, Missy. We can't have that. STOP all of this 'I'll love you til' the day I die' (whatever) crap. It is dramatic and it disgusts him.

You see, men lack empathy most of the time. Their emotions are based on what they feel is logic. Women base emotions on emotion. That may, or may not make sense to you. Take it, or leave it. I'm telling you that you absolutely must make him believe that you are completely over him. Happy go lucky. Do not yap to your friends. You never know which backstabbing wench will run at the mouth, or just tell the wrong guy pal of his what you don't want him to know. To your friends that are in ANY way associated with him: Always use that. They do your PR and damage control. No dramatic, pitiful, long drawn out goodbyes. Let him wonder what in the hell you are avoiding him for. Either allow your emotions to turn you into a rabbit boiling psycho, or sew him a new butt hole by becoming the radiant confident man eater that you absolutely have to appear to be. He can make you feel like a fool, or you can have a piece of mind.

And I don't care what road lizard he drags up with. Don't you DARE for ANY reason whatsoever appear to be jealous, hateful, or spiteful. Any lot lizard he turns to is a non-entity in your life. Be as sweet a pie and as cool as orange sherbet if any encounters happen (by accident, do not deliberately run into him.) Avoid that man like the plaque and it will get to him soon enough. In a matter of the next few weeks: You now have a new man interested in you. He is a business man. Find one, or fabricate one. But by all means you have a new flame according to anyone that you know in his arena. It may sound crazy, but it does help you to gain a better piece of mind. You are not ready to date and that's fine. But he does not have to know that.

Don't pass by his place. If you have to break your fingers, do NOT call or contact him in any way. I don't care what excuse you have to call him, avoid it at all costs. No emails. No boo-hoooo I love you crap. Hun, buck up. You are about to give that Viagra-reject the ride of his life. If you want that goofy loser back, this is the way to do it. But, I strongly suggest you do this just for a piece of mind and drop him like a hot potato. That's up to you. Be sure to keep yourself dolled up at all times. Don't leave the house without makeup. Get a new hairstyle. And get yourself a new red dress. Prance all over town in that dress and smile like you have just won the lottery. I don't care if you get that dressed up to go to a local Wal-Mart. Be seen. Get out of that house and let others see you looking good and appearing to feel better than you have in years. Get your butt out of that funk you're in.

Anything he can do you can do better. Remember that. This one sounds like he needs a wakeup call. If he is out sniffing for the meow meow....by all means let him get his fill. Ignore him like he is nothing to you. It will drive his feeble mind up a wall. If it is a challenge he is after, you give him one to remember. And you remember what I'm telling you on this net: A man wants what he can't have. You show that rat bistardo what you are made of. He 'ain't' seen nothing yet. Let the shameless hussies drain him dry if that is what he is after. But, as long as he has to wonder what you are up to: his curiosity will kick in, and the challenge is there. If he things another dog is sniffing around his front porch, you are going to see him do a 180 in the attitude department. This just saved you a year's worth of therapy. Therapists answer questions with a question. Here's the answer babe. Make me proud! He won't know what in the hell hit him.

Thanks Blender. You are SO right. Right now, my NC is solely for my own benifit. You see, i was never good at NC and used to always break it, but then I realized, I should have more self respect for myself, so why should i make myself feel like a complete idiot. So, i am actually almost doing a month of NC and it feels really good. I dont think i am doing it to get him back, but just to figure things out for myself. I miss him a lot and think about him but i try and stay busy so my mind is pre-occupied most of the time... and then there are you guys

The points you mentioned are very true. I will read that once in a while to help me through this and snap me out of my will-I-get-him-back thinking!!

leofromearth, i can tell you from personal experience that NC is the best right now. You see, my ex and i tried to break up 6 months ago but we were so devestated that we kept calling each other and trying to help each other through it all. It DID NOT WORK! We ended up getting back together and trying to work things out... but you cannot stop the inevetible. if its not meant to be, you cant force it to BE. So, this time, we tried to stick to NC and so far, its helping but its VERY HARD!!!!!! this is what happens when two people who genuinly cared for each other (but did not really want to break up) actually do break up. It sucks but you are doing the right thing.

Thanks for the advice blender... you are so right. I will go to the Gym after work just so i can get tired and be able to sleep at night.

WOW! how bizare... thats kind of how my ex was about our break up... he wanted the best for me and did not want to hurt me in the long run. u know what the sad part is, i never saw my ex cry during the 6 years that I have been with him, and when he walked out the door, he was in tears that really hurt! i felt so helpless.

Hi CareBear,

Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I were so dependant on eacho other that the only way to actually break up was to cut each other off completely. i am a softy when it comes to letting go so when he ignored my email and phone calls, it really shocked me and I realized that I am no longer what I used to be. So, i stopped making myself look like a fool and didnt call him. he called me the other day and thank God i missed his call. I wouldnt know what to say to him. I dont know how i managed to do that... i dont think I have ever ignored his calls before like that or didnt call back if i missed a call from him... oh well, I hope he doesnt think i hate him or anything. I just feel like if i talk to him, all these feelings will come bursting out of nowhere. So in a way, you should be happy he isnt calling...

I guess the best thing for you to do is carry on with your life, stay busy, focused on YOU and whats BEST for YOU and see what happens in a few months. We are here for you when you need to talk... always

thanks leofromearth... i'm glad to know that there are others out there in the same boat as I am. It sucks big time for things to end this way but hopefully the road to the future will hold something +ve and happy for me. I just wish things didnt have to end for us. You are right, my love for him will never go away because we truly did care for each other and we never meant to hurt one another. I hope that someday we can be friends and even though right now i do wish to get him back, i know its probably safer if I just move on with my life and leave him alone.

thanks everyone... you are really encouraging I already feel much better just to have your support.

Our relationship ended due to religious difference. the two of us are great when we are together, but as soon as you bring in family and religion, it creates problems. its not that we have any problems with each others religious beliefs, but the family pressure from both sides were too much. I know its sad that things had to end this way but we both did not want to end up getting divorced with kids in the long run. Maybe we need this time apart from each other tofigure things out. I knw I am not perfect and I have my own issues to deal with and so does he.

I know that this will help me in the long run to make myself a better person but its just really sad that someone whom I got along with so well, who was my best friend, is no longer a part of my life anymore. I know he cares about me a lot and this whole ordeal really took a toll on him and on me... we truly did love each other wholy and completely!

i think i am having one of those days where you miss your ex a LOT. I am so tempted to call him but I am keeping myself busy and avoiding dialing his number. I dont know why, i just miss him A LOT today. Its almost unbareble. i know we have ups and downs and i guess today is one of those days where everything around you just seems so useless without your ex. I guess I just needed to get my feelings out. I just cant stop thinking about how he is doing, what he is doing, what is he thinking about, will i ever be able to have a conversation with him and not want him back....?? you know what I mean. this is so hard and I wish it would just pass by really fast.

I just feel sad and I want to cry but I cant ...

Honestly speaking, I dont think she fully healed from the break up and she might be moving too fast with this engagement... but who knows. Its her life and her choice. she's history!

lets worry about YOU now

Sorry to hear about your ex's engagement! I guess you needed this to really let her go. But what makes me wonder is if you repeatedly told her that you two had no future together, when why would she wait around for you? Why would you want her back after you said that? I mean, she deserves to move on and live her life, right? And so do YOU! Its just sad that she had to get engaged to the rebound guy rather than give herself time to heal and to learn from the break up.

I am sure you are doing the right thing. let her live her life and move on. The good thing is, you are taking your time and healing in a healthy way. You deserve it... there is no rush for anyone to get engaged or be in a relationship, especially after a break up. Its not fair to either party. So Orlander, good luck with your healing and we will be here for you anytime you need to talk to someone We know you will get through this!!!

i understand how you feel.

When I met my ex, he didnt have any smoking problem. But about a year and a half ago, he started to smoke every night (almost). Now, i am not the type of girl who thinks smoking MJ makes life any better or helps with your problems. But it did make him a much better person to deal with and he was so much more calmer and laid back during the day. I actually did not have a problem with it... until it became a nuisance and he had to do it every night. He is also very successful in his career and the weed actually helps him concentrate but I did not think he needed it. He kept telling me he would quit eventually but even though i understood that this smoking was the result of other problems we were having, i just felt kind of responsible for it. I just didnt want him to do it every night. I thought he was stronger than that.

I know MJ is not an addictive drug but it sure felt like he needed it every night. the one thing i liked was the fact that he did it in the privacy of his home and did not want everyone to know about it. it was just something he liked to do to relax. But like i said before, i did not approve of this habit.

Hi Everyone,

So I have a question for you all. Since this is my first major break up, what do you do when you meet one of your ex's friends/colleagues? I mean, do you just say Hi and make lame conversation? I really have no intention of saying hello because i just want to get over him and if they provide me with any information about my ex that I dont want to know about, it will just set me back another bizilion days... you see, i havent really bumped into anyone he knows, i just see them around and i just get nervous because even though we were good friends (when i was with my ex), and I really dont want to be rude, i just have no intention of making any contact, at least not right now.

How can you just be polite and keep your cool? Or what should you do?

Advice please?

I hear ya!

i could use a martini!!!

i just read your post so i am now caught up on your situation

thanks elithepi!

yeah i can tell you're a bit angry right now.

were you dumped and did this happen to you?

yes go out Sandy, it really does make you feel so much better I went to the Gym today and got a facial and boy did that feel good ! i even took a nap in the afternoon and i never do that! i am glad i can finally sleep! now i am looking forward to watching a movie and just relaxing the rest of the evening... for some reason, its freezing here in Cali! lol

he broke up with me, but we both saw it coming. i just couldnt let go and i have the lets work things out attitude.