HDD

i almost emailed him today just to let him know that I did not mean for any of this to happen and that I will always have a special corner for him in my heart. I didnt send it though. I saved it in my drafts and read it over like 5 times and in the end, i deleted it. I am just so confused as to whats going on here. I have all these strong feelings for him still and its just so hard to let go of the IDEA of him. what you are saying is true Blender and I just dont know what to feel anymore. I have to let him do what he needs to to figure out where he wants to be in life. Right now, its obviously not with me. It just hurts so bad. Just the thought of him being with another girl breaks my heart. I was never the jealous or not trusting type, and I am having such a hard time with this. He was always the jealous type and had trust issues due to his past relationships... i wonder how he feels about me being with someone else. I dont know... it doesnt matter i guess. He used to tell me he prayed for me, and God send me to him. And in a way I would like to believe that i helped him be a better person. I dont know if he will be one, but part of my heart and mind would like to believe that. It just amazes me how he can talk to a girl ('s) about US, which i am totally presuming right now. i guess i just have to accept the fact that he is no longer a part of my life and i need to stop thinking about him and why this happened and just ACCEPT it for the way it is. life's so tough sometimes, wish i could just be happy and not have to deal with all this heartache crap! going to bed tonight is going to be very hard... i hope i dont get any nightmares

i am at work and i just went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out! I found out that my ex is trying to move on and talking to girls. I wont be surprised if I hear about him getting a gf soon . Is it possible to move on so quickly after a 6 year relationship? Is this a rebound thing? how does he do it? Didnt WE mean anything to him? this is really setting me back and I feel so devesatated and torn. I just dont get it. I feel like he is being so selfish! I guess i really truly have to let him go now. I cant have him back if he has been with other girls...i am not that type. Boy, i pray there is someone out there for me, someone 1000 times better and i hope he shows up soon, cause I feel so alone. i feel sick to my stomach and dizzy! why is this happening to me? i gave him my 110%.... please help!

THAT IS EXACTLY what happened to me! I realize now that my happiness was wrapped around my ex and i felt that if i didnt have him in my life, i wont be happy... but what did I do before I met my ex.. i was always a happy person and will eventually be one, if not now. You pretty much summed up how I feel right now.

I feel like I am learning so much about myself in these past couple of weeks. I cannot wait till the day when i realize that I am doing very well on my own and my future looks bright and happy!

i had to read that over and over because your words are so true blender. I wont worry about how he feels anymore. I just need to do this because of ME and because I need it. true authentic love has no boundaries, and i always thought it was up to the guys to get over their egos and contact the girl if they truly want to give it another shot, that is of course if the girl wants him back. but i guess we all need time to figure out what we need in life and where we want to be in the next 10-15 years. I just hope this break up was the right decision for both of us.

Me and Myself, that is an Amazing story!!!!!! Its SOO uplifting! Thank you, that really helped!!

you are right. i dont need to tell him anything. but, What if he calls, and I happen to be in hawaii at the time... having a great time.. drinking maitai's lol do you think he will ever want to get back with me (not that it matters anyways)? Maybe thats my fear. I mean, i realize we both need these trips, these times apart to let go, figure things out, move on... i guess we will both have something to talk about IF we ever build a friendship with each other. It just feels weird to go on a trip to Hawaii (couple central) without him and i just dont want to have any regrets afterwards. being with someone for 6 years, you tend to get used to telling them about everything you know. its a habit that i need to break i guess.

I WILL have a GOOD time and i can't wait!!

I dont think its because i want to provoke anything in him... but maybe i am having a hard time of letting go. some days i accept what happened and other days its just hard to raelize that he is no longer a part of my life. I dont see anything good happening from telling him about my trip. Honestly, if i tell him about my trip, he will probably let go of me for good and seriously move on. thats what I am afraid of. but i felt the need to tell him just because i didnt want to have any awkward moments later, if we ever meet. but maybe that doesnt even really matter. i guess i am just afraid of letting go.

could it be because he has a surf trip planned in March (which i knew about before we broke up) and he will probably use it to get over me or something. I guess i feel like i need a trip to heal as well?

I am confused and worried about how to handle this situation.

i am going to hawaii next week, to take a break from all this break up heartache and pain. Hopefully it will help me with my healing. I am excited yet concerned because i am not sure if i should tell my ex that i m going? Not because i want him to be jealous or anything but later if he finds out from someone else or me, i dont want him to think that i am keeping secrets from him... i dont know what I am trying to say here but I hope you understand. I know it probably doesnt matter what I do to him anymore, but i just want to be honest you know. Should I even care? I mean, he's probably planning trips too right? He doesnt have to let me know about it. We emailed once in the past 5 weeks and thats all. why do i feel like i need to let him know about this? am I still holding on to Hope of us getting back together? ugh.. when does this ever end!

yeah I can see that

Just wish they didnt have to act so Strong and tough emotionally when it comes to contacting the ex ...

craigm,

i am glad you posted here! we have a lot of people with years and years of experience and very good advice. Trust me when I say, you will get over her! She is NOT your life! You are 16 and you have SOOOOO many years ahead of you to look forward to... so many good memories and so many other girls who will treat you far better than your ex. Think about it, do you really want to be with someone who drinks, party's and drives around with 4 twenty something year old guys! Is she worth the tears and pain you are going through?? I DONT THINK SO!! Show her you are THE MAN and a STRONG one for that matter. Show her that YOU are not affected by her extra-curicullar activities and concentrate on YOUR education. the best revenge is doing well in school which will eventually mean a successful sholarship to a great college and an amazing career!! That will drive her crazy! stay +ve, smile and happy (even though I know it will be hard to do). but remember, YOU will get through this!!

Good luck

awwww!! things will get better. here's a big hug for you!

just let it out.. sometimes it helps to cry, i know it helped me... i just cry like a baby (in privacy) and hope/pray for a happier better future and someone whom i love unconditionally and am attracted to again and who will love me just as much or more.

that made me feel better. i just dont know how to understand these emotions i am feeling and talking to you guys helps a great deal to figure things out. I am in a very confused state right now and I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is very bleak and dimm. i just miss having my best friend and someone to talk to and someone who understood me for all those years... last night, i dont know why, but i cried for an HOUR!! and i thought i was doing fine... out of nowhere, all these tears started to pour out of my eyes and I coudnt stop them... my eyes were so swelled up at work today morning...

i dont know why people have to break up, its such a sad thing to do. i mean, if you love someone and want to be with them then why break up.. there are always going to be better fish in the sea but one has to be content with what they have ... at least thats what i always thought, but I guess I was majorly wrong (if majorly is even a word in the dictionary)!!!!

oh, did I mention that I am having a bad day!! i almost hit a biker on the way to the gym! i felt so terrible and my self esteem shot down by like 50 points

so i am having one of those days where you keep thinking about your ex and the wonderful times you shared together. I guess i miss him a lot today, more than normal and its probably because i saw an amazing dream last night, where we were making out and all that ... and i woke up crying cause i miss him so much! I miss being cuddled and touched and kissed, and it just sucks that I have to do it with someone else someday and NOT him!

I am sure guys have dreams like that and does it hurt as much as it does when girls dream about it? and what do you do when that happens, do you go out and try and hook up with someone just to fulfill the need! After seeing that dream, i had all these weird thoughts in my head about him meeting a girl, and actually moving on! I know that will happen someday, but i dont think I can handle something like that right now. I am not that strong. I have tried to be strong for so many weeks and I just feel hopeless and alone about my future.

i am keeping myself busy... will go swimming soon and I am going to Hawaii with my sister in two weeks!! that should be fun. But, these are all things i am doing to keep myself busy, preoccupied, and the chance to look forward to something. When will this pain end and why do I feel so scared about my future!

i loose weight too when i am depressed.its very easy for me to loose weight because i have a high metabolism and on top of that, i dont like to eat a lot. When we first broke up, i lost A LOT of weight and my family and friends told me I looked pale and too skinny. So, when we broke up the second and final time, i told myself, i will NOT go through what i did the first time and I will take care of my health, body and mind.

The important thing is to realize that YOU are going to be OK and to try and live a normal life. even though it can be very hard, try not to dwell about your breakup and ex too much. Keep yourself busy with activities and work.

Exercise helps me a lot too. It increases my apetite and makes me fall asleep. I do something active every alternate day.

Also, the protein shakes helps too. Thats an easy definite way to gain weight if you still dont feel like eating.

I actually went to a dr. and asked him to give me a pill or something to help me gain weight!! LOL silly huh, but I was that desperate! he probably thought I was a nutcase. but in the end, what works best is YOU and your attitude about YOUR life. Be +ve, busy, active and try and keep yourself HAPPY.

(watch Food Network, if you have cable, that helps too

Good Luck

I do hope for him to change his mind, but i wont hold on to that. I need to move on and figure out who I am and what I learned from our relationship. It helps to be away from him and give myself some time. I dont know what is going to happen between us but i dont have any +ve expectations (such as getting back together).

ladybug, you should tell us why you two broke up even if it confuses you because maybe from talking about it, you might get some clarity and figure out what went wrong. I know i didnt want to talk about the history of my relationship and breakup becuase i didnt think i would make any sense. but Blender, DN, Scout and you (and others) helped me so much and its good to know that you guys are here for me and are ready to listen to me whenever I need you.

i think i will give him a call - someday, but not just yet. i still have strong feelings about him and dont want to force him to give us a shot unless he willingly wants to himself. i think i have been very clear as to what my intentions are about US. now, i need to work on ME.

hey ladybug,

the decision to actually break up was his not mine. i always had the positive outlook on relationships and I was in it for better or worse. he is the one who talked about things not working out becuase it was too hard with all the differences and issues. I think any relationship will always have its ups and downs, problems, family intereference etc, no matter what background you come from, However, to make it work it takes effort, work, sacrifice and love and so much more. if he doesnt want to put any of those qualities in this and tell me clearly that "i want to talk about US or I want to give this another shot", then i will not hope for anything more than friendship in the near future. I totally understand how you feel about your fiance. You cant force someone to be in a relationship if they arent happy to be part of it.

and blender, i really appreciate your over analytical perspective on this.

i agree with everything you are saying RC. but in my heart, i feel that HE does not want to work on this relationship. we both need time apart and time to ourselves. i have been hurt in the process of tyring to make it work and following my heart in the past few months, and maybe he is hurt to in some way too... but if he doesnt feel the same about our love and taking a risk anymore, then I think it would be best for me and for us to let it rest for now.I am all about risking and challenging myself to work things out, but that might not be the same for him. when we fell in love, religion and culture was not a problem, we embraced each it and repsected it. and I always thought that it would be the same over the years. but his attitude towards mine changed and that doesnt help. one cant be one sided when it comes to these matters.

Dear Blender,

he called... didnt leave a message and all I got was a missed call and I had no way of knowing WHY he called. Maybe to check up on me, to say hello, whatever, but if he really truly wanted to talk about anything important, he would have called back or emailed me or left a message and asked me to call him back, something more than one missed call...

so, in my head, he doesnt want to reconsile or get back together or work on US anymore. His email was also quick and short and didnt have any indication of his wish or desire to work on our relationship. like u said, it takes "two".

Dear DN,

it is hard to understand a relationship when its all coming from one side. I dont know what he is going through or what he would have to say about all this. I wish he had someone like you on his end to understand your point of view. I agree with you 100% on everything you are saying. Its very similar to how I feel about relationship and how to work on them.

Dear Ladybug,

you are right, i think that he probably thought i needed my space and that I will contact him when I was ready, which is why he didnt call back. And i did email him instead of call. And got a reply. thats all I can do for now. like you mentioned, i will try and move on and see what the future holds for us. I wont have my hopes high about anything and if ever he wants to give US another shot, we can sit down like adults and talk about it. but for now, we both need our space and time.

i read this post every day because everything everyone said is so true and it helps me understand what I am feeling because I feel everything that blender is talking about and also what DN is talking about. It really helps.

hey longhaircats, hope you had a good evening? how did you spend it?

i went and ate dinner with my best friend and we both saw Lady in the water and its a pretty good movie. typical M. Night Shyamalan story.

renaissancewoman, i think you will enjoy it.

Good night everyone!

WOW !! you guys are amazing!!

DN - i totally followed your advice 5 months ago when we first tried to break up. I followed my heart and i put my pride aside and contacted him to see if we could work things out. even though it took me 2 months to convince him to get back with me (which of course he wanted to but wasnt sure if it will work) we still ended up breaking up again. I totally agree with what you have to say, but in my case, i feel like I am the only one trying to make this work and i dont want to force him into something he isnt willing and happy to be part of. I tried, and i got hurt in the process. the last few months have been quite painful for me and i realized that the relationship i m trying to reconsile, isnt the same that I used to be a part of... the man whom I love, isnt the same either. people change, sometimes not for the better. I envy those couples who get back together and make it work... but i dont think that will happen in my case. I am just tired of trying to make this work.

A relationship takes TWO people working together. I cant be the only one trying to fix a problem, i've done that for years now and i just feel so drained.

Blender - you are right. love does NOT conquer all (at least not in my situation) ... and i was a fool to believe that all these years... i thought my love for him will show him how much i am willing to sacrifice to be with him and i wanted him to feel the same way about me. he did love me with all his heart and i will always cherish that. But in the end, i know he did not want to put any effort into our relationship. he told me, he was bored! (probably because we werent married, had family pressure, and we werent making any progress). but that hurt me. I know in my heart that I would have been there for him for better or for worse (and he knew that too, and he always loved that about me). but something inside of me always felt that he would rather leave me than deal with problems like we had. you see, he comes from divorced parents and they hate each other (still) , and i grew up with parents who still love each other and will always be there for each other no matter what. So i have been trained to love someone with all my heart and energy no matter what (which can be bad in so many levels). so in a way i am actually surprised he stuck around for 6 years. i know i have my issues as well, but maybe he just needs a different kind of girl. maybe i wasnt the one for him... I am not saying that children from divorced family dont know how to love, but maybe the two of us wouldnt have worked out in the long run because i would not understand him and vice versa. U know what I mean?

I am so glad you two are helping me with this. DN, in a way i did listen to you 5 months ago and i reached out and reconsiled. it didnt work and i ended up hurt and sad. i will try and let go now and try to hold on to the love we shared and not get myself involved in something that just doesnt feel right.

of course i love him and that wont go away for a long time. But i am just tired of making this work with nothing from his end. so, i believe its best, for now, to let it go, even though its very hard, but I must do it.

If he feels the same way, then he should be the one to call me and try and talk to me, if thats what he really wants. But i dont feel that same vibe from him.

i usually rent a bunch of movies and snuggle up in bed and munch on a plate of snacks Try renting comedy, suspense thrillers and family themed movies. those usually do the trick.

I am watching Lady in the Water tonight (the M. Night Shyamalan one).

DN, Thats an entirely different attitude towards this situation ad I appreciate your point of view. Even though i would like to believe he was trying to reach out, i think its in my best interest to leave him alone and to give myself some time to figure things out. I dont want to make a relationship work if the other party isnt in it or interested as much as I am. He wanted this break up more than I did, so i am not going to worry about US anymore. I have tried to FIX our relationship more than I should have in the past and for once, it would be nice to have the other person WANT to fix something. I dont want to be with someone who takes the easy way out rather than work on the issues and try and make it work. Thats not how long term relationships work, especially Marriage!

If you said this 5 months ago, I would have put my pride aside and reached out, but this time, I just dont feel like putting the energy into this anymore. I'm just tired and need a break from everything.

I hope I am making some sense.

well, i guess not. I was more into his stuff than he was into mine. But most of the time, he would participate and make me happy. But after a while he kind of wasnt so enthusiastic about it and from that point onwards, he started to change. Yes we made it work for 6 years, probably because of me, cause I have the lets work things out attitude.

The reason I am doing NC is not because i want him to call me, i really dont want to talk to him about anything right now. I feel like after everything we;ve been through and even though he knew this wont be easy, he gave up and decided to do what he feels most comfortable doing. In that way, i think he's selfish. I was willing to make sacrifices for him, and i wanted the same from him... but it felt like a one way street.

what would I do without you guys!

You're so Right Blender... i didnt see it like that, but now it makes SO much sense. He is quite selfish isnt he, I always felt that. Everything was always about HIM and I seriously dont like people like that. Why is he any different!

you're right. if he needed to talk, he would have called back. I knew that! I just had to hear it from you guys.

i dont know whats wrong with me. but i am NOT going to contact him anymore.